


Are You Nervous?

by lizibabes



Series: Are You Nervous Verse' [1]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Homophobia, M/M, M/M sexual situations, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-27
Updated: 2011-12-26
Packaged: 2017-10-28 05:29:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 45,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>my fill for the Glam kink prompt: Even though Tommy is cool with Adam grabbing him and kissing him onstage, he was still a little apprehensive at the beginning. They had to get used to each other, the feel of each other. They had to get used to each other’s mouths. They had to make sure Tommy would have some sort of poker face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Are You Nervous?

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.
> 
> This is my first time writing Adommy so I decided to get some inspiration from the Glam kink meme. This is what I ended up with, well a more polished version thanks to my wonderful beta I_Glitterz. Started out as a one shot but looks like it might turn in to a verse. Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> p>Even though Tommy was cool with Adam grabbing him and kissing him onstage, he was still a little apprehensive at the beginning. They had to get used to each other, the feel of each other. They had to get used to each other’s mouths. They had to make sure Tommy would have some sort of poker face.
> 
> Basically practicing the stage-gay.

Tommy pov

 

Ummm warm pillows, soft comforter. He never wanted to move, he was so relaxed, so comfy. So of course his damn cell started beeping at him from his bedside cabinet.

“Mother fucker”. Tommy muttered to himself before making a grab for his cell. It took three attempts before he managed to get a hold of it, which was probably, because he hadn’t bothered to open his eyes. Finally he did open them a little to squint at his message. It was from Adam, so Tommy decided he couldn’t be too mad. The guy was his best friend and boss, he was taking him on a tour. When someone gave you opportunities like that, you didn’t get pissy about a text waking you up.

The message was simple a request that he call Adam once he woke up. Grumbling that he was up now Tommy decided he might as well phone Adam now and find out what was going on.

“Tommy Joe” Adam said sounding way too perky for any time before noon.

“Adam, it’s early” Tommy would deny it till his death if asked, but he knew he sounded like a whiny bitch.

“It’s like eleven; I’ve been up for hours already. Stop being a bitch,” Adam told him and Tommy could hear the smirk in his voice.  
“Not a bitch,” Tommy pouted, but it was over the phone so it wasn’t like anybody could see him. He was alone.

“Don’t pout” Adam laughed

“How did you know?” Tommy resisted the urge to actually get up and look around to see if Adam was somehow hiding in his room.

“I didn’t, but I do now” Adam laughed.

“Shut up,” Tommy groaned, trying to disappear back in to his pillow.

“Well any way that was sort of what I wanted to talk to you about.” Adam said sounding way too amused for Tommy’s comfort.

“Me pouting?” Tommy didn’t do his best thinking before he’d had some coffee.

“No, you being my bitch on stage the way you agreed,” Adam laughed.

“I’m going to translate that to me being ok with the kissing and grabbing on stage. Yeah, I agreed after all that AMA shit,” Tommy never wanted to see Adam, the best person he knew, ever think about apologizing for his sexuality again. He didn’t care if it made people think he was gay, hell, half the bigoted assholes out there thought he was gay for wearing eyeliner, so generally Tommy believed in following his own rules, fuck anyone else’s. He was straight but being kissed by Adam hadn’t freaked him out, sure at the time he’d been shocked a little, stunned even, but it was cool.

“Yeah, you being my boy toy on stage for the entertainment of are fans and to piss off anyone who hates me for being a fag and proud.” Adam still sounded like he was finding it all funny. Tommy knew better though, Adam was a good guy, kind, loyal, caring, pretty much the sort of guy who saved puppies and helped little old ladies cross the street.

Someone that fundamentally good had not been prepared for the out pouring of hate that would end up directed at them over a kiss. It had hurt Adam, and Tommy would rather chop off a ball and watch The Notebook rather than see that again, so he was going to help show the haters where they could stick it and help spread the love. It was actually kind of a shock to Tommy how the female fans had reacted, but then he liked lesbian porn, why shouldn’t guy on guy action do it for the girls?

“Yeah I agreed, and I’m still cool with the plan, so why the early ass text asking me to call?” Tommy did not get it.

“Well Lane sent me a video of the AMA’s,” Adam sounded a little hesitant, which freaked Tommy out as Adam was never hesitant about anything.

“Yeah?” Tommy didn’t even know what to say. That kiss had been a shock, but no denying it, the kiss was hot. Adam Fucking Lambert knew what he was doing when it came to kissing.

“Well, you know I said it was about interpreting the lyrics? Well, there aren’t any lyrics about me raping some one’s mouth and that’s kinda what it looks like,” Adam was definitely smirking, Tommy could tell.

“Well I was shocked!! I had no warning. I know to expect shit this next time,” Tommy didn’t think the kiss looked that bad.

“Well Lane had this idea that we should work some stuff out. What songs were going to do stuff during, how far were going to go. Maybe signals. Like if the crowds loving it we might do more and if there not feeling it, tone it down.” Adam said, which all sounded pretty reasonable but could have been planned at a more sociable time.

“Ok signals, fine. Why did we need to have this talk before coffee?” Tommy asked.

“Well, I thought you could come over so we could practice some stuff. Maybe, um, we could, well Lane suggested, maybe a trial run?” Adam’s blush literally made its way across the phone line, which made Tommy laugh, until he realized what Adam, and Lane had cooked up.

“You want to practice kissing me?” Tommy asked, he had to be sure.

“Yeah, but I swear its not some scam. You know ‘creepy gay guy perving on my straight friend’. You can ask Lane, she was the one who said you need to work on your poker face.” Adam rambled.

“Adam, chill the fuck out. I mean, I know I’m awesome and you think I’m pretty, but I also know that you’re not hard up for sex and would never manipulate a friend to get a little action. If I thought you were a dick like that, I would have never tried out for the band, let alone said it was ok for you to kiss me,” Tommy couldn’t believe that Adam would even think Tommy would think that badly of him. They were so fucking close, things between them were above that, should always be above that.

“So, you’d be ok with it? Coming over and practicing?” Adam sounded so shy and insecure that it kind of made Tommy want to hug him.

“Yeah man, but I need a shower and coffee, maybe even breakfast. I’m not even awake yet,” Tommy let himself yawn down the line to make his point.

“Alright I’ll see you in two hours?” Adam suggested.

“Yeah that could work. See ya later man.” Tommy said, trying to sit up.

“Latter glitter baby.” Adam sounded happy as he ended the call.

Tommy crawled out of bed and went in search of coffee and breakfast, which ended up being last night’s pizza, before stumbling in to the bathroom. Everything was normal while he was showering; it wasn’t until he found himself in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing his teeth longer than that girl with OCD he’d dated, that things got weird.

“It’s the pizza; garlic breath would be rude that’s all. He’s a friend, you’re being considerate,” Tommy said to his own reflection, which apart from showing him that he was pale and needed to fix his hair, really didn’t help give him an answer.

After the teeth incident, Tommy found himself in front of another mirror, this time the one inside his closet, trying to decide what to wear, because apparently all that makeup had finally had the effect on him his sister had sworn it would. He was turning into a girl, a pretty girl if you believed Adam, but still, acting like a fourteen year old girl going to her first dance was not alright with him. He was a man; he liked horror films, beer, and sports. Ok, not really so much sports, but mainly because he’d always hated the sort of guys who had been in to sports when he was in highschool. That did not change the fact that he was a dude. With that in mind, he grabbed the first pair of black jeans he could find and an old black Metallica T-shirt. His hair had already been fixed in the bathroom, so he just had to put on his eyeliner, which did not make him any less fucking manly.

Continuing to stand in front of his mirror, debating whether to wear gloss or not? Yeah, that one pretty much lost him his balls. He didn’t get why he was making such a big deal about going over to Adam’s place, he’d been there before. It was almost like…..Tommy shook his head, it couldn’t be possible, was he fucking nervous?

Damn it, he was a big pansy ass girl.

 

Adam pov

 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Tommy Joe Ratliff was apparently the devil in tiny, perfect, black skinny jean wearing form. Adam just about held in a whimper when he opened the door to let his bassist into his place. Men did not whimper because something was pretty, even men who wore glitter.

“Hi Tommy,” Adam beamed, not quiet managing to hide his excitement over seeing his friend. He did manage to be subtle about checking out Tommy’s tiny, but cute, ass over his shoulder as they hugged.

“Too damn cheerful in the mornings. You gonna be like this for the whole tour?” Tommy grumbled into his chest, but there was no heat and Tommy was practically snuggled against him, so Adam didn’t take it to heart. In the past, he’d had friends and boyfriends that had found his cheerfulness early in the morning, an actual issue. Tommy never seemed to take issue with his quirks, so maybe the blonde wasn’t a complete devil, which actually made it harder not to crush on the guy.

Adam lead the way to his living room, he’d been trying to think of the least weird place to do this. His bedroom was a no go, even though they’d hung out in there before, watching movies on his bed, being in there kissing Tommy would feel too much like a seduction, and he didn’t want to freak out Tommy. Even an opened minded straight guy would have his limits, and even though Adam hadn’t found his best friend’s yet, he figured he would have if he’d tried to rehearse the stage gay in his bedroom. The bathroom was ruled out for just being a plain weird place to kiss your straight friend, not that the act itself wouldn’t be seen as weird by some people. The kitchen would be pointless, Tommy would get distracted and want to eat, the skinny little bitch. So the living room seemed like the safest bet. They had been in this room together a bunch of times before, it should not have felt weird to sit down on his couch with Tommy, but it kind of did.

“You look way too serious,” Tommy commented, flicking some of his long blonde hair out of his eyes. Adam just about resisted the urge to reach out and pet Tommy’s soft hair. It was stupidly irrational to be jealous of another man because they got to touch their own hair, but that’s the way it was.

“It’s nothing, guess it’s just a little weird to be putting this much planning into kissing,” Adam shrugged. He hadn’t planned the kiss at the AMA’s; the spirit of the song had sort of taken over. Performing turned him on and having Tommy right there, he hadn’t been able to resist.

“Well for the shows, it’ll still be pretty spontaneous; we’ll be doing what feels right on the night and for the song. Give the crowd what they want. This practice is so that I don’t look like I’m being raped or whatever Lane thinks it looks like,” Tommy shrugged, sounding a little annoyed at the last part.

“We should watch it.” Adam blurted out without thinking.

“Watch one of the video’s of the kiss at the AMA’s?” Tommy asked with a slight and frankly adorable frown.

“Yeah, just to see if we can see what Lane’s talking about and you know, what looked good and what we should change,” Adam suggested, trying to sound like watching a video of them kissing was like watching a band performance. Lots of performers watched them self perform so that they could make improvements, but watching yourself kiss someone was like some weird version of softcore porn.

“That might actually be a good idea, set up your laptop,” Tommy nodded.

Trying not to gape like some unattractive fish, Adam turned on his laptop, picking it up from the coffee table to put on his lap. It only took him a few seconds to get on to YouTube and find a video from the AMA’s. One that, in the description made it clear, both the kiss and the dancer’s face in his crouch hadn’t been blurred.

Adam made sure Tommy could see and then played the clip. He was pretty forceful. Every time he saw the kiss, he was shocked again by how rough he was with Tommy and how Tommy just took it. In Adam’s opinion, it was a damn hot performance, enough to get him hot under the collar of his glittery black shirt.

“I sorta see what Lane means. I should have responded a little more, grabbed you back or something,” Tommy said casually. Adam glanced sideways at his friend, who looked way calmer than Adam felt. He set the laptop back on the coffee table and turned his body a little so he was facing Tommy.

“So you don’t mind how rough I was? And you’d actually be up for reciprocating more? Cos’ that would really get people going,” The fans would love it and the haters would hate it, which was perfect, as far as Adam was concerned.

“You didn’t beat the shit out of me, it wasn’t that rough. Its cool I told you that before. And yes I’ll play along. Why should you be the only one who looks hot? I might be playing the part of your toy, but that does not mean I’m gonna be a little bitch on stage,” Tommy laughed.

“Alright fine, on tour, not my bitch. You’re totally submissive though,” Adam chuckled at Tommy’s mildly outraged look.

“It’s just because you’re taller than me. I could be dominant,” Tommy pouted.

“I’m sure you could honey,” Adam said, patting Tommy’s thigh and trying not to let the mental image of Tommy dominating someone get any clearer in his head than it already was.

“Okay, limits Tommy Joe, you need to set them. I won’t get pissed and you need to feel comfortable,” Adam decided he better get on with practicing if he wanted to stay sane. Not that kissing Tommy or talking about limits were helping his libido, but Lane had insisted if they do this, they do it right.

“I dunno, I think I’m cool with most stuff you could legally do on stage. Just don’t make me fuck up playing too badly. No nudity on my part, if you wanna get naked, that’s your business man but I think Neil would kill you. No Velvet Goldmine blowjobs?” Tommy shrugged, clearly a little nervous about setting his limits.

“Cool no sex, no law breaking, just playing around. This is going to be fun,” Adam could just imagine it now, the stage high, and the response feeding off the crowd. It was going to rock.

“Yeah, it will be, so just go for it man, I promise not to look like I’m being raped,” Tommy laughed.

“So I’ll take the lead, but if touching me or grabbing me feels right at the time, you go for it as well. You can read the crowd as well I can and go with how a song makes you feel,” Adam was supposed to be the rock god, it made sense for him to control the stage play, but he wanted Tommy to get into it as well, for his bassist to have fun with it.

“I’ll totally molest you on stage if I feel like it,” Tommy grinned, damn sexy little mother fucker.

“Right, let’s stand up and do this. There won’t be a couch on stage,” Adam cleared his throat and stood up, trying to will his body to behave around his friend, his cute friend, his very cute friend. Adam though he might be a tiny bit screwed here and not in a good way.  
Tommy stood up and almost straight away Adam could see that his friend looked uncomfortable.

“Um, is something wrong? You look like you’re not as cool with this as you want to be. I’m not calling you homophobic; it doesn’t make you a phobe for not wanting to play like this,” Adam sighed. he’d rather keep Tommy’s friendship than play around on stage. He just hoped there was a way he could have both.

“It’s not that,” Tommy insisted immediately and he looked like he meant it, which relaxed Adam, a little.

“Then what is it?” Adam asked, his mind spun trying to work out what it could be that was making Tommy act strangely.

“You’re not allowed to laugh. Promise me you won’t tell people or laugh about it,” Tommy mumbled.

“Tommy Joe, I laugh with my friends, not at them. Spit it out, I promise it stays between us and I won’t laugh,” Adam would never hurt Tommy, or anyone else for that matter, like that.

“I’m kind of regretting not wearing higher creepers, I’m gonna have to wear them on tour. You’re a lot taller than me man. I know I’m not tall, but normally the girls I kiss are my size or smaller. Why do you have to be so big?” Tommy complained.

“I’ve never had someone complain that I was too big before,” Adam said with a lewd smirk, he just couldn’t resist. Tommy blush a little the second he realized what Adam had said and then he started laughing, the tension seemed to drain out of him.

“Fucker, let’s do this,” Tommy said still smiling.

“Are you nervous?” Adam asked, teasingly as he crowded close to his best friend until they were almost chest to chest, then he reached out resting the palm of his hand against Tommy’s throat, he could feel the bass player’s pulse automatically pick up.

Tommy just gave him a small smirk that Adam had to resist licking off his face. Maybe next time, they were here to kiss today, the kiss was the most important thing to get right, and the rest of the fun stuff could come later.

“I was thinking of kissing you during Fever. When I sing ‘would you be mine’ before the dancing really starts,” Adam said quietly, gently stroking Tommy’s hair back off his friend’s face, keeping the other hand at his throat. Tommy nodded, but gave no opinion on the plan so Adam decided to just go for it. He pulled Tommy closer, carefully using the grip on his neck. He didn’t want to cause real damage. He dropped his hand from Tommy’s hair and looped it around his waist and then he used his hold on Tommy’s neck to angle the other man right were he wanted him. Tommy was right, he was a lot smaller than Adam, which was a fucking turn on, just like the way he was just going with Adam’s every move was to. The small blonde melted in to his touches, and didn’t fight him. Adam brought their lips together almost aggressively, only lingering for a few seconds before licking in to the smaller man’s mouth. The kiss was hot and wet, a little rough and a lot perfect. When Adam pulled away from Tommy’s mouth, he licked over the blonde’s lips, drawing the kiss out and not losing any of the contact he had with the rest of Tommy’s body.

“Damn were good at this,” Tommy panted, his hot breath ghosting over Adam’s lips, making him want to dive right back in.

They practiced a few variations of the kiss for Fever and then a few moves for other songs. Tommy seemed relaxed the whole time, never seemed to reach a point were he was outside of his comfort zone. It amazed Adam, he’d found a pretty amazing person in his band. They probably had more fun practicing than they should have for something work related, but it was fun. Hell, a lot of the time, work was fun when he was, as cheesy as it sounded but lacking better words, living the dream. The only downside was that spending the afternoon kissing and feeling up his hot bassist, had him accusingly hard and having to try and keep his cock covered and hidden. Once their little practice was over, Adam walked Tommy to the door.

“Thanks for being so awesome about this,” Adam said, pulling Tommy in for a close hug, even though he kept his hips back.

“You don’t need to keep thanking me. I’ll see you the next time we meet up with the band right?” Tommy asked, looking up him threw his bangs.

“Yeah I’ll see you soon,” Adam reluctantly stepped back a little from the other man and was surprised when Tommy lessened the gap again.

“I don’t thank you enough for giving me the opportunity to be apart of this. So, um thanks,” Tommy said, shyly hugging him quickly. As he drew back, Tommy quickly and softly kissed his cheek. The peck effected Adam just as strongly as any of their dirty kisses had.

“You don’t have to thank me either,” Adam managed to get out.

Tommy just smiled as he backed off completely, waving to Adam as he got in to his car. It might be a tad pathetic but Adam watched him drive away anyways. Then he was slamming the door and practically running to his bathroom.

He stripped in record time and jumped in to the shower to have an excuse for why he had to be naked right the fuck now. Adam fumbled to get the water on before his hands went straight to his dick. He was so hard, it almost hurt to touch but at the same time, giving his cock the attention it had been craving for hours, was a relief. He didn’t even try to picture anyone else. His mind played a loop of the kisses he’d shared with Tommy that afternoon as he stroked himself. He was close, almost embarrassingly fast, but then he’d been turned on for hours. He kept remembering the gentle kiss before Tommy left that had been all about them and not about fan service. It was that image that tipped him over the edge and had him cuming all over his fist and the tile wall of the shower. He stood there panting under the warm flow of water as he came down a little from the high of his orgasm. He quickly washed off and then got out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist and looked at himself in the slightly fogged up mirror. He looked flushed and it was glaringly obvious what he’d just done to thoughts of his best friend.

“This tour is going to kill me,” Adam groaned at his reflection. He’d just about hidden his arousal today. At some point, he was bound to slip up. When he did, he just hoped that wasn’t where Tommy drew the line, because Adam needed him in his life.

 

Tommy pov

 

He was lying naked on his bed, fisting his cock, trying to pretend blue eyes and kisses were not what had him so horny he had to get off. He pumped his fist, getting close, his breathing ragged. He moaned at just how good it felt and then his orgasm hit, taking him by surprise as behind his closed eyelids, he saw a black haired, blue eyes man kissing him and pulling at his hair.

“Adam,” The moan was broken and loud over the sounds he was making or should he say the other sounds, because the name being moaned out as cum hit his chest was coming from him.

Tommy opened his eyes, looking down at the cooling cum on his skin, his hand on his dick. For a brief second, he pictured a larger hand than his and his cock twitched like it was trying its best to get hard again and just couldn’t so soon after such an explosive orgasm. He’d got himself off thinking about his male best friend.

“Fuck.”

TBC......


	2. Let's Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to my fic Are you nervous? They’ve practiced the stage act but now its time to put it in to action. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.   
> This is a follow up piece to a fill I did over at the Glam kink meme.  
> I’m not sure if I’m getting the time line of events that have happened in real life right so please forgive any mistakes. Some stuff I might change on purpose if it fits the story better.

Tommy pov

He wasn’t nervous, nope not even a little tiny bit nervous about performing in front of a huge paying crowd who was there to see them, well mainly Adam, but still kind of them as well. So yeah, that wasn’t a big deal and the reason he could taste nail polish was not because he kept biting his nails.

“Hun, are you okay? You look sorta pale and twitchy,” Cam was suddenly there, he hadn’t seen her walk over, he could see the concern clear in her eyes.

“I’m always pale, I’m fine,” Tommy already sort of loved the band, but he wasn’t exactly used to how concerned for each other everyone was. The people in this group cared about each other, Tommy liked that, but he still wasn’t always sure how to show that he cared back with out looking like a jackass.

“We all get stage fright, so it’s okay if your nervous is all I’m saying,” Cam said before wondering off to talk to the dancers. Tommy loved that she got it and gave him space. He didn’t like her choice of words.

Whenever anyone mentioned being nervous about the tour, all Tommy could think of was Adam asking him, “Are you nervous?” before they had kissed. The tone had been teasing light, not something that should send a shiver down Tommy’s spin each and every single time he was reminded of it. Tonight it was Adam’s show, not Adam and his band playing on someone else’s show, so tonight the shit they’d practiced would be put into action for the first time. That sure as shit didn’t make him nervous, it was just a kiss in front of a few thousand people with his male best friend/boss, he could taste nail polish again.

Suddenly his hand was being pulled out of his mouth by a firm grip and he was looking up at Adam’s glitter covered face.

“Glitterbaby, stop it,” Adam said firmly.

“Stop what?” Tommy asked pouting, why the hell did Adam make him pout like a damn girl all the time.

“Chewing your damn fingers off, you need them to play,” Adam said lightly.

“Alright, I’ll stop,” Tommy mumbled, looking down and away from those blue eyes, he didn’t need to look at them to know how they looked so bright and clear and always full of emotion. Those eyes haunted his dreams.

“Good boy,” Adam said brightly, letting go of his hand, but then Tommy felt Adam’s hand on his jaw tipping his face up so that he would look at him.

“Don’t good boy me, I’m not a dog or anything,” Tommy said, trying to sound pissy when all he wanted to do was melt into Adam’s touch. He made sure to keep a mask up, he’d gotten good at them over the years, hopefully good enough to hide his confused feelings from his friend. He didn’t know what he felt, friendship, closeness, a sort of love that came with that, he admired Adam, the man’s ability to love and care as well as his talent, the attraction that had sprung up was confusing.

“I know you’re not a dog, your more like a kitty, my pretty kitty,” Adam said, looking very smug and amused by where ever the hell that thought had come from.

“That’s going to become a thing isn’t it?” Tommy groaned.

Adam just grinned at him and Tommy sighted, yep that was a nickname that was going to stick.

“Its almost time,” Adam was practically bouncing with excitement. Performing on any scale always seemed to do this to him, it was funny seeing a tall manly, despite the glitter and make up, man acting like a little kid. Seeing Adam like this made Tommy feel fond of him, which was clearly another example of how he was turning into a chick.

“Are you by any chance related to Tigger?” Tommy asked with a smirk, feeling more grounded even though Adam’s hand was still fucking cradling his face like he was special or some other sappy bullshit.

“Shut up bitch,” Adam’s tone was affectionate as he let go of Tommy’s face to lightly hit the side of his head. Adam was always so fucking careful with Tommy, like he might break, like he was a girl and Tommy knew that was stupid and sexist, he knew plenty of strong women. Adam just left him off balanced, brain scrambling and fighting to stay up to speed with every new development and feeling.

“Me, I’m a bitch, really Diva boy, you’re gonna use that on me?” Tommy laughed, he loved having friends you could insult who would insult you right back, no hurt feelings on either side and every one seemed to know were the line was.

“I think so Tommy Joe, and you call me a Diva like it’s a bad thing. Now be a good little bitch and make sure you’re all ready to play my little kitty on stage,” Adam reached out and ruffled his hair, Tommy ducked half to protect his hair and half to hide the flush he felt rising in his cheeks over the words ‘good little bitch’. He was not going to get turned on by Adam again, so what if he’d liked kissing him? He had touched himself a few times thinking about that day, but it didn’t mean anything. The wet dreams were meaningless, the blushing and sometimes stuttering around Adam was meaningless. It was hero worship, not a crush. Tommy almost snorted at that one, he was sure all straight guys got so impressed with there male bosses talent that they popped a boner, if he believed that one, he might as well go buy a house in Narnia.

“I’m going, you mess up my hair, it’ll just take me longer to be ready rock star, and if were late, Lane and Neil will be pissed at you,” Tommy taunted, backing up from Adam a little.

“Please, like I’m scared of them,” Adam smirked.

“Cool, I’ll blame you then,” Tommy laughed.

“Stop being a brat and get ready,” Adam ordered, but he was smiling.

“Bossy bitch,” Tommy muttered, loud enough to be heard as he walked away to do as he told. Adam’s chuckle reached his ear and made Tommy smile, fuck he was like some moony school girl with her first crush, it was ridiculous.

After all the last second checks were finished, Tommy found himself walking out on to the biggest stage he had ever performed on in his life. It was interesting how things, like stupid crushes and sexuality issues, all fell away when you were looking out at that many people. The fans were screaming, not just for Adam, but the whole band. Tommy could see posters with all their names, along with his name, it blew his mind. He had dreamed of playing shows like this his whole life, and now it was happening. He wasn’t about to let his angsty bullshit mess it up.

He got caught up in the songs, performing to the amazing energy coming from the audience, it was all sort of overwhelming, but in the best possible way. It was time to play Fever before he even realized, and he would admit, if asked to, having a tiny ‘oh shit’ moment when it was time to go to his mark, ready for the fan service. He stood in place, trying to think of nothing but playing his bass, a lot of this stuff was down to Adam. He only joined in after his best friend started it.

Adam was in his face, grinning and singing, bending close so that his lips brushed Tommy’s ear. The microphone was lowered for a second, but Adam wasn’t kissing him yet, he didn’t know what was going on.

“Let’s play,” Adam whispered in his ear, all sultry smooth, sex god, and rock god all in one as well as a good friend, giving Tommy a little extra heads up so that he was ready for what they’d practiced. Always so damn considerate, the subtle warning meant to relax him without tipping anyone off, if they heard or saw, it had Tommy shivering with anticipation.

“Would you me mine,” Adam sang the words right at him and then one of those big hands that appeared regularly in Tommy’s jerk off fantasies was grabbing his hair in a rough grip, dragging him closer, somehow managing to be rough and gentle at the same time. Tommy kept playing mainly from muscle memory, he’d been practicing the cords for this song a lot. Adam’s lips on his were warm and familiar, the flick of tongue against his bottom lip had him gasping softly, it always did. The second his lips parted, Adam’s tongue pushed its way in, slick hot and deliciously forceful, kissing back felt natural and Tommy thought the practice session they’d had was only partly responsible for that. Adam backed off his mouth, ruffled his hair and winked; then it was off to join the dancers. During the kiss, Tommy had tuned out but the second Adam pulled away, he noticed the screaming. Clearly the kiss had worked for the fans as much as it had for him. He was screwed and not in the good way. Tommy groaned at the feeling of his half hard dick behind his bass, he wasn’t a damn teenager anymore. He resolved to enjoy the amazing gig and try and ignore his ‘stupid hormonal, easily excitable, and apparently gay for Adam’ dick.

The rest of the concert flew by, he was on an adrenaline high the whole time, he never felt as alive as he did when he was performing, and playing with this band, with Adam to a crowd like the one they had, it was beyond amazing. Tommy didn’t even have the words to describe how he felt, he was a little in awe. When they tumbled off stage and into one massive group hug, Tommy knew he would never forget this performance, not any of it.

They were all wondering around, shedding costumes and equipment when Neil came along and Adam asked him how he thought it had all gone. Neil gave a run down of the show he was always almost brutally honest in his opinions. It wasn’t till he got to the kiss that he really gave them any shit.

“My poor virgin eye’s, Adam, they’re bleeding,” Neil whinnied in probably the loudest and brattiest manner possible.

“You’re not a virgin, and you’ve seen me kiss men before,” Adam snorted, refusing to rise to the bait his little brother was throwing out.

“There was tongue and spit, I could see spit. I don’t care that the audience loved it, I’m personally traumatized,” Neil is pouting like a toddler, a comparison the other man would probably go bat shit crazy if he heard so Tommy was about to share his opinion on what Neil sulking looked like, but Adam got in first. It was a sibling thing, nobody could bicker or banter like siblings. Tommy knew that one well from his own sister.

“I’ve seen you practically licking girl’s tonsils and I don’t whiny about it. Do you think I like seeing your weird hetro matting dances? Besides, Tommy’s prettier than half the girls you’ve brought home.” Adam laughed, he wasn’t being mean, Tommy wasn’t sure. Adam didn’t even know how to be mean, especially to family, he was just being a big brother.

“Hay,” Neil huffed indignantly, and Tommy wondered if he should make an issue out of being called prettier than a girl, in the past he was too caught up in the rules of what a man should be like to let it drop. Now, he’d moved past a lot of bullshit stereotypes. He found himself not really caring, especially as it was Adam calling him pretty. He knew Adam wasn’t taking a swipe at his masculinity or mocking him. Adam called him pretty, because he meant it and to piss off Neil.

“Yeah, you’re right Neil, that was out of line, he’s prettier than all your girlfriends,” Adam’s tone started off solemn, apologetic even, but he was soon cracking up and practically cackling with laughter.

“You’re such an asshole Lambert. Just keep it in your pants,” Neil instructed, shaking his head clearly more amused by his big brother than anything else.

“Monte, he just second named me,” Adam called out as Monte walked by, talking to one of the sound guys.

“It’s only an issue if he middle names you,” Monte said without breaking his stride. The man was used to the shit siblings fought over, he had kids. You would think Neil and Adam were a little bit more mature than Monte’s little girls, but at times like this, not so much.

“And nothing was out of my pants, Neil. I behaved just like I told everyone I would,” Adam insisted.

“Adam, you stuck your tongue down your bassist’s throat. If that’s behaving like you told the people who interviewed you after the AMA’s, I don’t want to see what you consider misbehaving,” Neil laughed. In a few interviews, Adam had told reporters the tour would be family friendly and while Adam probably would tone it down if there were a lot of kids at the show, Tommy knew he wouldn’t tone down the sexual side of himself and the show when the audience was clearly loving it.

“Hmmm, misbehaving, what would I consider misbehaving? Maybe I should give your supposedly virgin eyes a show that’ll make them pop right out of your head,” Adam said in a thoughtful tone that Tommy thought was probably bullshit. Adam wasn’t thinking, he’d decided what he was going to do to beat Neil in there little game. They all knew Neil had no issue with the fan service, even if watching his brother mack on someone in front of a huge audience was probably a little weird.

“Oh god what are you gonna do? If it involves nudity, I’m disowning you,” Neil groaned.

“Again, stop bitching, you’ve seen me naked. We lived together little brother.” Adam said, turning away from Neil, and coming right for Tommy.

There were not enough ‘oh shits’ or ‘fucks’ in the world to express how the dark look in Adam’s eyes made Tommy feel. as the guy pretty much stalked towards him, all huge and no less intimidating for all the glitter predator. Which Tommy guessed made him the prey, which was a vaguely terrifying thought.

Adam had him pinned to the closet wall before he could even think to ask what the fuck he was playing at. Tommy had always been aware of there size difference but at times he almost forgot, when Adam had him pinned to a wall, their bodies pressed together, was not one of the times he forgot. He felt small, tiny, and delicate. If anyone other than Adam was making him feel like this, Tommy knew he’d hate the fucker and himself for it.

“The fans got their show, now how about we give Neil and his virgin eyes a show?” Adam asked, one hand firm on Tommy’s hip, the other pushing his bangs back gently.

Even now, Adam asked permission. Even amped up from the show, its energy egged on by Neil’s taunts, Adam still kept the boundaries, and gave Tommy options about what lines were crossed. This would be crossing a line; it wouldn’t be a stage kiss for fan’s. It would be more real. Somehow they wouldn’t be lacking an audience, but there were no fan girls here, just friend’s, family, and co-workers.

“Let’s play,” Tommy said, mirroring his friend’s earlier words from the stage, knowing his message and permission would come across clearly. They had been in sink since they met, unless they choose to hide things from each other. It was all pretty clear, miscommunication was rare. So Adam’s almost smug cocky grin wasn’t a surprise. Neither was the other man crowding almost impossibly closer. So close in fact, that Tommy could feel Adam’s half hard cock in his leather pants. The singer said it happened all the time when he preformed. Tommy’s tried to focus on that and not on how damn good the hardness felt pressing into him. He was used to pressing into soft feminine bodies when he kissed. This was different, better, a voice in his head told him. Adam kissed him and his mind went blank, all there was from the second their lips met was sensation. And in the background, once again, was the knowledge that he was well and truly fucked, only Tommy didn’t know if it was in a good or bad way any more.

Adam pov

Damn, Tommy could kiss for a straight boy, was Adam’s first thought, briefly followed by a voice, be it the rational voice or something else yelling at him that he was tongue fucking his bassist against a wall, without even the excuse of fan service, and that was a very bad thing. It was a voice that mysteriously shut the hell up when Tommy nipped his bottom lip with sharp teeth, before licking away the small hurt. Clearly Tommy didn’t mind messing with Neil, who was screaming about his virgin eyes again in the background. It was awesome having a friend as opened minded as Tommy was. Adam just hoped enjoying it didn’t mean he was taking advantage of his friend. In interviews, they had both said kissing was fun, no big deal no matter what gender it was with, so Adam relaxed and got into kissing the hell out of the tiny blonde.

He’d got a kick out of kissing Tommy on stage and it was no different now. It felt just as good and just as hot. He was really thankful for the alcohol induced confession that he got hard on stage when he performed. Truthfully, it was a regular occurrence, so he just hoped Tommy, who had to have noticed Adam’s not exactly hard on pressing into him, would put it down to the performance high, not there kisses.

Adam broke the kiss, leaning further down to lick Tommy’s neck. It was so easy to manhandle his bassist that really shouldn’t turn him on as much as it did. The muffled giggle when he slid his tongue over slightly salty skin wasn’t what he’d expected. The reaction made him grin. He kept his body crowded close to Tommy, his face buried in the blonde’s neck.

“Are you ticklish Tommy Joe?” Adam purred, a lot more interested in making Tommy squirm right now than he cared about freaking Neil out. Although, this was probably still giving his brother the creeps.

“No,” Tommy huffed with about as much dignity a man pinned to a wall could. He was like a cute little kitten spitting fire on end, annoyed but still totally adorable. A comparison Adam thought it would be wise to keep to him self. Tommy might tolerate being called pretty kitty, but adorable when angry and the rest of the image he’d had in his head, would likely lead to Adam getting his tongue literally bitten off the next time he tried to kiss Tommy if the bassist ever heard it.

“I think you’re lying, Tommy,” To prove his point, he licked a long strip from the smaller man’s collarbone up to just behind his ear. This time it didn’t course laughter but a shiver instead. Adam pressed his face into Tommy’s neck, smiling into the warm skin. He’d obviously found one of Tommy’s sensitive spots, and he really wished he was allowed to find all the others.

“Alright we need to get to the buses. Adam, you can play with your new toy on the bus,” Lane yelled, breaking the haze Adam had fallen in to.

He reluctantly backed away from Tommy a little, but he wasn’t ready to let his friend go. For some reason, he couldn’t bear the thought of not touching him. To try and look less clingy Adam moved till he had his arm draped over Tommy’s shoulders and started walking. He was glade to feel Tommy moving with him instead of staying put or pulling away. Adam loved the way his best friend fit against his body, it felt right, more right than friends should on his side at least, but he couldn’t give it up, he just couldn’t. He treasured the closeness and affection he’d found in their friendship, he wasn’t about to back off from that, because he was afraid Tommy would realize he wanted in his pants and hate him.

The thing was, even if Tommy did work it out, Adam had a feeling it wouldn’t play out like that. Their friendship would change, because Tommy wouldn’t want to feel he was leading him on. There would be no kissing, no hugs, no casual affection. The bassist would back off in all possible ways. He wouldn’t hate Adam for liking him, he was too open minded to not be okay with Adam’s sexuality for that, but Tommy would feel bad. His friend wouldn’t hate the fact that Adam was falling for him and was strongly attracted to him, his pretty kitty would feel bad that he didn’t and couldn’t feel the same.


	3. Kiss me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part three of the Are you nervous verse? Adam gets to see another side of Tommy that really gets him thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.   
> This verse started out as a fill over at Glam kink and has now turned into a verse.   
> As I’ve said before seen as this is fiction it doesn’t always follow real life time tables and I will be making stuff up to suit my purpose, mainly because in real life the people in this fic tend not to be naked all the time.

Tommy pov

He was freaking out. He was sitting in the bathroom freaking out, which was sort of pathetic. Tommy was hiding in the tour bus’ bathroom, which he knew was childish, but after over a month of shows and kisses, he was finally freaking out. It was maybe sort of probably overdue, but either way, here it was, the freak out.

Only he’s not freaking out about the things people would probably expect him to, he’s got a crush on his male boss. As a straight guy, he should be freaking over the male part but he’s more freaked about the boss part. His stupid feelings have the potential to mess up the best job he has ever had, as well as destroying a pretty amazing friendship. Adam does not mess around with straight guys; he has made it clear that he doesn’t want to be anyone’s experiment these days, which is fair enough. The guy’s had his heart battered and bruised enough without adding those kinds of potential dramas to his life. So, Tommy gets why, even though physically he’s Adam’s type, it’s never going to happen, doesn’t stop it from sucking though.

Tommy was never aware he was a coward until he hid in a tiny bathroom from his friends on a bus so that he wouldn’t have to see anyone. They’re all going out soon, so he can continue his freak out in larger less pathetic surroundings. Hiding out in the closet sized bathroom makes him feel like the drunken chicks that he used to see at high school parties, who would lock themselves in the only bathroom, crying about there boyfriends or some shit while a normally equally drunk boyfriend or best friend tried to talk them out and a queue of people, waiting to piss or vomit, yelled at them. He really doesn’t want to view himself as a drunken teenage girl, but he’s not exactly acting like an adult man should right now.

Finally the bus falls quiet and Tommy does his own private walk of shame to the seating area. He feels so stupid and knows his friends will read that something’s bothering him; it’s all over his face. Adam might not even care, he’d laugh it off maybe be flattered. Tommy’s stupid to think he would lose his friend over this, but it would change things, he’s been over that in his head before. Adam would stop the stage gay if he knew about Tommy’s crush to protect his feelings, and that cannot happen. Tommy loves getting to kiss Adam, he loves the crowd’s reaction, and he also really fucking loves showing the homophobes out there that Adam will not back down and hide his sexuality because of some morons ideals to be successful. He doesn’t need to, their proving that.

He settles in on the sofa, preparing to brood the night away watching bad TV, while obsessively checking Twitter, because he’s an emotionally stunted moron who decided to wait till his late twenties to have a sexuality crisis, instead of doing what every smart teenager does and trying out all the flavors before slapping a label on themselves and declaring to the world they like vanilla. His comparison of sexuality to ice-cream is all kinds of stupid, mainly because it makes him want to eat ice-cream and there isn’t any on the bus, the second being that since went was straight vanilla? Straight can definitely be kinky, he knows that one first hand. Tommy’s also pretty sure that not everyone has to try all the flavors to know what they like, some people just know from the beginning or they get clued in when there hormones hit, and they start to take notice of boys, girls, or both in a sexual way. Unless he’s started puberty really late and he has the ability to grow facial hair that suggest otherwise, Tommy has no reason for not having a clue earlier that he really sort of likes dick a lot. He’s going with brain damage from too much head banging over the years to explain that stupidity.

He’s still brooding when Sutan walks in, looking more stressed out than Tommy has ever seen him. And the guy has to run around trying to make things perfect for a perfectionist under time constraints. He’s even done Adam’s make up while the rock star got interviewed, Tommy’s seen the video. It is not normal for Sutan to have that look on his face, and it instantly has Tommy worried. He’s come to really like Sutan, even if he does always agree with Adam about the black lipstick when they bicker.

“Hi Tommy, is Adam still around?” Sutan’s eyes are a little red around the edges and he has absolute zero eye make up on. It’s not a massive leap of faith to guess that he might have been crying.

“No, he went clubbing with the dancers. Are you all right? You want me to call Adam?” Tommy has never liked seeing people he cares about upset; he’s not even really good if strangers are upset. He always wants to hug them, make the hurt go away, but he isn’t always good at actually helping, mainly because he has trouble talking about emotions, hence hiding in the bathroom earlier that night.

“You don’t have to do that. If he’s out relaxing, I don’t want to ruin his fun. The man needs a break, he works too hard as it is,” Sutan says firmly, looking like he is trying to put up a mask. Tommy’s used the “everything’s fine” mask enough times to recognize it though.

“Well, I’m a poor substitute for Adam, but if you want to talk, I’ve been told I’m a good listener. I also have a bottle of vodka and I’m willing to share.” Tommy pats the space on the sofa beside him encouragingly with one hand, while using his other to point at the mostly full bottle of vodka on the table. He had thought about getting drunk tonight but in the end, doing it alone just seemed beyond the level of pathetic. He’s already reached ‘hiding out’ so he didn’t have to say good night to his friends, so that was low enough for him for now.

“Oh hunny, that’s the best offer I’ve had today, and poor nothing, you’re a damn fine man,” Sutan said firmly, planting down on the sofa beside Tommy and kicking his shoes off.

“Thanks, so, drink or talk first?” Tommy asked, blushing a little from the compliment.

“I think I need a drink to go over this, you might want one to, I know you hate girl talk,” Sutan laughed, snagging the bottle and some glasses. He poured two very generous measures and handed Tommy one of the glasses.

“When you say girl talk, do you mean talk about girls because I might suck at that, ask my ex-girlfriends, but, I’ll try my best,” Tommy was quiet at times; kept his thoughts to himself. He’d been told he didn’t share enough of himself emotionally by more than one girl.

“Not those sorts of girl talk, sweetie, but more the sort of talk girls have, than a talk about a girl. Picture me as Raja if it helps,” Sutan offered.

“If I have to picture you as a girl for this talk, does that mean I should picture myself as a girl?” Tommy took a sip of his drink, he had a feeling he might need it for this.

“Well, you would make a very pretty girl, Tommy,” Sutan said with a wicked smirk, reaching out to fiddle with the longer part of his blond bangs.

“No dressing me as a girl, I’m not pretty not like you, I would just look stupid.” Tommy had seen Raja and he’d seen pictures of Adam dressed up in drag; both men made it work and looked hot. Tommy had a feeling that if he tried, he’d probably look like the worlds ugliest fourteen year old hooker.

“I disagree, but fine, no dress up even though it would cheer me up,” Sutan pouted.

“Hay, no fair, no guilt trips, maybe I’ll do it sometime in the future when I’m really drunk, too drunk to care about being laughed at.” Tommy had often been different from the people around him. Smaller, wearing eyeliner, his taste in music, he’d been bullied before, laughed at. He didn’t need to see his friends doing that. It was one of his long lists of reasons for not telling Adam about his crush, it would probably break him if the singer laughed at him over it.

“Ohh yay, okay, I’ll be good. Right to the point, men are evil, and yes I’m aware I have a penis and that makes me a man, but still, men are evil, vile, heart stomping, piles of dog crap,” Sutan told him angrily, knocking back enough of his glasses contents to make a lesser person choke. Sutan was too classy to choke during a dramatic moment.

“Right, should I be worried that you’re going to hit me just for having boy parts? And who’s upset you? I can kick any heart stomping guy’s ass. I know you can defend yourself, but I also know you kind of hate violence.” Tommy was overly confrontational, he could probably list every fight he’d ever had that had turned violent on one hand, but he was willing to go to bat for his family any day and the glamily really was his family too.

“You’re not in danger. I know not all men are rats, you’re not like that, and thanks but I don’t like violence at all. I don’t want you brawling. Adam would have my ass if you went and got in a fight over me. It was just a bad break up. I thought the guy was someone better, nicer than he turned out to be. I’ll get over it.” Sutan sighed heavily, it was beyond obvious that he was trying to make light of how hurt he was. Instead of pushing, Tommy just moved closer so he could pull his friend into a hug.

“Okay, no fighting, I promise. We can just sit here and bitch the idiot out.” Tommy loved a good cuddle when he was upset or most the time really, and by the way Sutan leaned into him, he could tell the other man wasn’t against it, at least maybe even got some comfort from it.

“How do you know he was an idiot?” Sutan asked, resting his head on Tommy’s bony shoulder.

“Because, only an idiot would hurt someone as amazing and caring as you,” Tommy said honestly, the makeup artist was beyond sweet and one of the kindness people Tommy had ever met, as well as being talented and beautiful. It didn’t have to take a genius to see that you would have to have something wrong with you to hurt someone as special and rare as Sutan.

“Now, see what I mean, poor replacement for Adam? Boy, I’m coming to you whenever I’m down or just need a hug. You really are a good man, Tommy. No wonder Adam drags your skinny ass everywhere,” Sutan said, snuggling closer.

“You can come hug me whenever,” Tommy agreed, setting his glass down on the coffee table. He wasn’t sure when he’d emptied it, but the glass was clearly empty.

“Speaking of Adam, why did he not drag you out tonight?” Sutan asked.

“He knows clubs aren’t really my thing, and I was tired,” Tommy said quickly.

“So tired, that when I got here, you were up, fully dressed, and at the start of a movie?” Sutan smirked, clearly not buying the lie.

“I can sleep anywhere. I thought I might fall asleep watching it,” Tommy shrugged.

“Yeah right, Tommy boy. I bitch to you about my problems, we snuggled, were bonded, so no lying now,” Sutan scowled at him.

“It’s not a big deal, I was just thinking about stuff. Stayed in to brood, I get like that sometimes.” Which wasn’t a lie, and most the glamily knew how he tended to brood over things by now.

“Care to tell me what has you brooding after such a fun filled week of shows?” Sutan asked.

“Not really, it’s not a big deal. I’m being stupid over some stuff, blowing it out of proportion,” Tommy knew Sutan would worry about him choosing to stay here on the bus alone, so he was going to have to say something to reassure his friend that he was okay, but he didn’t want to get in to the whole crushing on Adam thing.

“You can talk to me, Tommy Joe. You know I won’t judge you, even if you really are being a drama queen,” Sutan said softly. They hadn’t known each other as long as some of the other members of the glamily, but somehow they were still a part of it, bonded, and Tommy knew Sutan could be trusted.

“I ah might have lied to like everyone in the band, as well as every fan, and basically everyone, but not on purpose. I really didn’t mean to,” Tommy said, hiding his face against Sutan’s arm, this was one of the aspects that freaked him out the most really. He had said he was straight, Adam had said he was straight, sure plenty of people didn’t believe them, but if anyone found out he thought he might be bi, it would all look like lies.

“Alright, I’ll bite. What have you lied about, because you might be, hun, but from what I’ve seen, you’re an open book,” Sutan’s voice was soft, not sounding even a little pissed off and he didn’t pull away from Tommy, which gave him the balls to keep going.

“Well, I know everyone jokes about it but the whole ‘my straight being kinda bendy’ thing is sorta true,” Tommy gulped, this time last year, if someone had told him he would be coming out to a drag queen on a tour bus whilst traveling the world, he would have asked what the person was on and avoided ever taking something that caused a weird ass trip like that.

“Are you telling me you’re gay, Tommy Joe Ratliff?” Sutan asked, a little bit of Raja slipping in to his tone, half sassy, and half mother hen.

“I don’t really like labels, but more Bi than gay. I still like girls, that part wasn’t a lie.” Tommy really liked women; he always had despite his inability to make a relationship with one work.

“Are you sure? Is this something you always knew or is maybe being around so many fabulous gay men confusing you?” Sutan was petting his hair, so he obviously wasn’t pissed at Tommy for maybe not being as honest as he could have been. It relaxed Tommy, made him feel like he could talk.

“I know that’s your way of politely asking if I’m just curious, and I thought maybe that was it. Before, I had moments when I thought about guys in the past, but I never acted on it, so I thought it was just idle curiosity. A lot of people have thoughts about that shit, doesn’t mean a whole lot, but now, I think I was just being chicken shit. I was already different from my friends. I didn’t want another thing that made me different. My dad still gets twitchy over my eyeliner, he’d freak over this. I guess being around so many people who’ve accepted themselves and everyone else, made me feel brave enough to at least admit it to myself.” Tommy was pretty sure he had never said that many words in a row to Sutan, but he didn’t regret blurting it all out, as clichéd as it sounded. He felt like a weight had lifted off of him.

“Well, sounds like you know now, so don’t beat yourself up for not being ready before. There’s no set time limit, hun. You know, these things when, you know, trying to accepted it before you’re ready, only cause pain,” Sutan told him firmly.

“I feel like a coward for not letting myself think about it before, and I hate that I’ve lied to you all,” Tommy admitted. He felt really shitty about that part, he had great friends and awesome fans. Sure, but that didn’t mean he had to share every little bit of himself with them all, but he really felt like he’d been out of line here.

“Oh hush, if you lied to anyone, it was yourself. To protect yourself from something you weren’t ready for. If it wasn’t true to you yet, then it wasn’t lying to us, also ‘coward’ my ass. You are a brave man, Tommy and don’t you dare ague with me,” Sutan hugged him closer and Tommy felt some of the tension drain from his body.

“I’m really glade I talked to you. Not sure I helped you feel better, but I do,” Tommy moved so he wasn’t hiding like a kid anymore, but he didn’t end the hug.

“You helped, hell, even without talking you help. Being around my friends reminds me that there are good people in the world and someday, I’ll date one of them instead of the asses I’ve picked so far. Oh, now there’s a thought, what do you like Tommy? I bet you like them butch,” Sutan sounded way too amused for a guy who had been crying not long before.

“Are you asking my type? We are not having this conversation,” Tommy could feel the blood rushing to his face and turning his cheeks pink.

“You agreed to girl talk, well girls gossip about these things. I know you’re probably not ready to date anyone, but when you are I could play match maker. I’m lousy at picking my own men, but other people, I always get it right. I just don’t see you with some pretty little twink. Two people that little and pretty together, I think Adam’s head would exploded,” Sutan chuckled.

Tommy suddenly felt the need for another drink. He left Sutan’s arms to retrieve the bottle and his glass. He felt a little better as he knocked back the clear liquid.

“You look all embarrassed, is it because I mentioned Adam?” Sutan asked and Tommy felt his heart stop.

“I mean he doesn’t know your Bi right, so the idea of him knowing about your imaginary gay sex life was awkward. I’m sorry I didn’t think,” Sutan went on and suddenly breathing was possible again.

“Yeah, didn’t mean to freak, he just doesn’t know,” Tommy nodded.

“Are you going to tell him? He is your best friend. I know you think it’ll bother people. All that ‘I lied’ bullshit, but hun, this is Adam. He’ll probably just do what I did and demand to know your type,” Sutan laughed, patting his hand reassuringly.

“I don’t know, I hate lying to him but I just don’t think I’m ready for people to know, even Adam.” If Adam asked his type, Tommy was pretty sure he would turn as red as a tomato and then die of embarrassment, hopefully before Adam worked out why he was blushing like a fan girl around Adam.

“Sure, whenever you’re ready, baby. I won’t tell anyone, if I do, you can totes burn all my cloths and Raja’s,” Sutan promised.

Tommy smiled and cuddled into Sutan’s side, they ended up putting on a movie, drinking progressively bigger measures of vodka and talking about boys while they cuddled. Tommy really had never thought that this would end up being his life or even that this was how he’d spend his time on tour. They were at least drunk, that made things a little more rock and roll as far as he was concerned, and no one would get him to say differently.

 

Adam pov

Being yelled at to check Twitter because you’re probably the only won sober enough to manage, isn’t the weirdest thing that’s happened to him in a club or even the weirdest thing to happen that night. Sasha was dancing with Taylor when they thought they saw someone try and take a picture up her skirt. An hour later, their all jammed in a booth, no one can find the guy, and Adam’s looking at his tweets to see if Twitter has exploded with pictures. It seems to be the first place this stuff ends up these days.

“No one’s sent me anything about you, Sasha. If he got a pic, the perv’s keeping it to himself for now. “Wait, what the hell?” Adam frowned at his phone.

“Oh my god, is it a picture?” Sasha asked, cringing.

“Nope, Hun, this is way stranger. People are sending me stuff Tommy and Sutan have been tweeting I think they both must be high.” Adam had been a little worried about how withdrawn Tommy had seemed earlier but no one else had commented so he had figured he was obsessing over the blond again.

“What are they saying?” Terrance asked trying to pear over his shoulder.

“They’re bickering about which countries top model is the best show and occasionally Tommy’s bitching about Sutan making him watch them. I have no idea what there up to. Maybe I should tweet them make sure that nothings wrong?” Adam suggested he was a worrier, he tended to worry about the people he cared about, that was normal. He wasn’t a mother hen, no matter what Neil said.

Adam was still thinking about what to put when Taylor fell asleep face first on the table and everyone decided to call it a night. They called for a car service and half carried a cute but grumpy at being woken Taylor to the car. Everyone who had been at the club headed to one bus but Adam decided to check the other bus some of the band had plans that night with other people he wanted to see who was home and admittedly maybe check on Tommy. If anyone asked him though he would claim he wanted to see if Monte was around his musical director had managed to sort out seeing Lisa and the kids that night and Adam genuinely cared about that so it wasn’t a complete lie.

The sight that greeted him on the bus was not one he had expected he had guessed from the tweets that Tommy and Sutan had hung out that night but he hadn’t thought they would still be together. The T.V was on showing what looked like Americas next top model there were empty glasses on the table and a near empty bottle of vodka. Sutan and Tommy were both asleep or maybe passed out considering the booze they were also cuddled together Sutan practically being used as a pillow by the shorter man.

With out really thinking about it Adam slipped his phone out of his jeans pocket and took a picture. Opportunities to mock your friends didn’t just fall in to your lap everyday and really they looked to adorable for him to pass up the chance so he snapped a few quick pic’s before returning his phone to his pocket.

He started walking past them and thought he would make it to his room with out disturbing them when he heard a mumble and froze.

“Adam.” Even thick with sleep that was clearly Tommy Joe’s voice.

“No sweetie it's just me go back to sleep your nice to nap with.” Sutan whispered in the dark.

“Though I smelt Adam,” Tommy said groggily and Adam froze.

“Boy, seriously, if you know how a man smells, you’ve got it bad. I don’t even know why I bothered asking your type I already know it. Tall dark haired blue eyed singer types who love glitter.” Sutan said in a singsong vice.

Adam froze feeling like as ass for listening in to his friends but to curious to walk away.

“Shut up your mean I wanna sleep.” Tommy moaned.

“That was not a 'no' Mr. Ratliff.” Sutan pointed out.

Clearly Sutan had asked Tommy about men for some reason why Sutan had wanted to know what a straight guy found hot in men was beyond Adam only now he really wanted to know the answer even if it would be like torture to know.

“Adam’s everyone’s type he is hot and the way he performs? Damn I’m only human Sutan now let me sleep.” Tommy’s voice was a little muffled like he was burying it in to the sofa or Sutan but Adam heard every single word as clearly as if they had been yelled at him.

He moved as quickly and quietly as he could till he was in the safety of his bedroom. Boots were kicked off jacket thrown on a chair and that was it before he fell on the bed. He needed a shower to change and get rid of his makeup but right now he couldn’t function. Tommy thought he was hot hearing that had any blood reacquired for rational thought filling out his dick instead he was rock hard behind the zipper of his jeans from words.

He was not going to masturbate over thoughts of his friend when said friend was currently in the next room asleep on the couch with another of there friends. He wasn’t he really wasn’t going to do that he was just undoing the zipper to relieve some of the painful pressure and that was all.

Okay so maybe he was touching himself a little but in his defense he was half drunk and the man he had been lusting after for months had just called him hot. So this was completely justifiable behavior, and really if you thought about it, he had to get rid of his hard on before he went to sleep or he’d never get any rest and he needed rest.   
A small voice in Adam’s head reminded him a shower could probably get rid of things but he promptly told that voice to fuck off. Cold showers were not fun stroking his cock threw the material of his boxer briefs while he thought about Tommy’s sleepy voice saying he was hot in very different situations from the one tonight was fun.

He had just worked his hand down on to skin when he heard a noise looking to his side Adam saw Tommy standing in the open doorway his bassist looked dazed and red in the face. Adam felt a spurt of precum against his hand and was really glade he hadn’t stripped to do this. No way would Tommy not notice his dick leaking in reaction to the blonde's presence.

“Shit Adam I’m sorry I heard a noise and Sutan was asleep so I couldn’t ask if he’d heard it too and no one was meant to be back yet so I came to check on the noise.” Tommy rambled very pointedly keeping his eyes on Adam’s face.

“I just got in Taylor fell asleep so we came home early and its good that you checked not bad I mean it could have been a crazy fan actually its bad that you checked for that you should have got security that would have been embarrassing.” Adam spewed out what he hoped was a vaguely coherent reassurance seen as all he could think was “Your hand is on your dick, Tommy is right there and your hand is on your dick, why is your hand still on your dick.”

“Oh right well I’m just gonna go before I make this any more awkward.” Tommy said his cheeks flushed pink still.

“You didn’t make this awkward you were concerned I didn’t even realized I was making noise this is my fault.” Adam said firmly.

“Why is my hand still on my dick?” Adam asked and it was supposed to be quiet or even internal like before but he said it aloud and not quietly either.

“Dude, are you drunk? Because if you don’t know what you’re doing or why you’re hand’s down your pants, someone needs to give you the talk,” Tommy smirked.

“I meant, why haven’t I stopped smart ass,” Adam said trying to work out how to get his hand off his dick without showing his best friend how his hand was wet with precum.

“It’s not like you’re still jerking it. I know guys who wouldn’t have stopped at all,” Tommy shrugged, making no move to leave.

His libido did not need the encouragement of Tommy talking about anything remotely sexual, his dick was as hard as rock as it was, and he’d always thought being caught masturbating would be enough of a turn off to leave him limp.

“Straight boys are weird. You’ve seen friends do that?” Adam asked, because he was a drunk idiot who was trying to mentally scar himself apparently.

“Yeah, I mean you haven’t?” Tommy shrugged.

“Nope never,” Adam said, wondering how he could be blushing when all of his blood seemed to be occupied else were.

“Well, ah, it happens living in close quarters and all that, so don’t stress. It doesn’t bother me if it doesn’t bother you,” Tommy said simply.

“It doesn’t bother me.” It turned him on, but nobody needed to know that.

There was the sounded of voices outside the room and before Adam could move, Tommy had stepped further in the room, closed the door behind him and locked it.

“I um, didn’t want anyone to walk in, like Monte. I figured you’d get embarrassed again,” Tommy explained.

“Yeah, well I’m glad you did, might have had a hard time explaining why you were standing there while I got off.” Adam joked, glancing down to where his hand was still on his dick. He only meant to point out what the situation could look like to an outsider, but he regretted pointing out were his hand was.

Tommy had followed his gaze as well and when he looked back up, his eyes were dark. Adam couldn’t for the life of him read what was on Tommy’s face. He cursed the fog of alcohol for turning his friend in to a blank piece of paper, instead of the normal open book.

“You could if you wanted to, I wouldn’t care,” Tommy blurted out and then managed to turn a darker shade of red than Adam had ever seen his friend turn.

“Um, are you saying I should jerk off with you in the room?” Adam asked, he had to be sure he’d heard right.

“Yeah, that’s what I said, but forget it. I’m being stupid and I’m a little drunk. The second it’s quiet again, I’ll leave you alone,” Tommy said, leaning back against the door looking mortified.

Adam didn’t like seeing his friend upset and a part of him was thinking of ways he could comfort Tommy. The larger part of his brain, the part that was controlled by his dick, was not thinking about comfort. He took his hand out of his pants, but didn’t zip them up. He did, however, get off the bed and go to stand in front of Tommy. His blood was rushing threw his veins. There was left over adrenaline from the show, mixed in with the high from the club as well as arousal. Adding alcohol to that mix had been like throwing gasoline on a fire and Adam did not think he was in control of himself as he got even closer to Tommy, all but pinning the smaller man to the door.

“Sounds fun, I mean, I’m sure friends do it all the time,” Adam purred, he put one hand flat against the door beside Tommy’s head, further trapping the blonde man, before sliding his other hand down into his underwear and circling his still hard cock. He hissed at the feel of his cold hand on the hot flesh. He heard a small gasp from Tommy; he didn’t think his friend sounded shocked though, so Adam risked looking in those always readable brown eyes. He might me imagining it, but he would swear he could see lust.

“Tell me to fuck off and I will, if you stop me, I won’t hate you. Not as a friend, not as a boss, this isn’t like you letting me kiss you on stage, it’s different.” Adam really wanted to do this, so much, he could hardly understand it, but he would not force Tommy. Seduction and manipulation could be very different things. He wanted to get off, but not as the result of manipulation.

Adam thought he was going crazy, but he was sure Tommy’s breath hitched when he had mentioned kissing. Adam couldn’t help staring at those plush lips. He always loved kissing the blonde. Right now though, his mind took a decidedly dirtier turn and he imagined those pink lips around his cock, it forced a small moan past his lips and caused his dick to jerk in his hand.

“Damn it, just do it,” Tommy hissed, his voice rough, both booze and lust. The tone shot straight to his groin, making everything tighten.

Adam wasn’t one to waste opportunities, so while he’d been jacking his cock, he used the hand on the door to grab Tommy by the hair and pull him in for a kiss. Tommy’s mouth was open for him before their lips even met and instantly there were hot, wet tongues and sharp teeth battling for dominance. Adam won, he felt Tommy going pliant in his hold, probably making the grip on his hair more painful but the blonde did not seem to be complaining. Adam was rough with them both, his hand moving hard and fast. When his knees started to feel weak, he dragged Tommy over to the bed and threw them both down. He didn’t stop the kiss or touching himself, probably hurt them both, but he just couldn’t stop.

He had Tommy underneath him, small and so fucking perfect against him. Adam ground into the body below him, muffling his moans against soft swollen lips. At some point, Adam realized that he could feel Tommy’s hard dick against his own when he ground down and the realization almost had him shooting then and there. He held off though, because getting to touch Tommy felt better than any wet dream or sex he’d had in months. He made sure to push against Tommy just right, getting a leg up between the blonde’s to give the smaller man more friction and Tommy didn’t disappoint, grinding his hard dick in to Adam’s thigh. It felt so good, he never wanted to stop. He’d had no idea Tommy would be so responsive in bed, it was making his skin feel to tight and his dick harder than he’d ever felt it. He pulled back, gasping; planning on warning Tommy that he was close even thought the only place he would be cumming was in his pants and on his hand.

“Kiss me,” Tommy demanded on a gasp, his face flushed and eyes wild. Adam forgot about warnings and crashed his mouth in to Tommy’s. There was no way he could refuse a request like that. He was fucking the blonde’s mouth with his tongue, when he felt his orgasm building at the base of his spin, he moved his hand a little faster, rubbing at the head on the upstroke. He pushed down harder, trying to give as much to the other man as he could and then his orgasm hit impossibly hard. He felt it through his whole body, it damn near made his toes curl and the whole time, he never stopped kissing Tommy. He was moving his hips lazily as the after shocks rolled in and he nipped Tommy’s plump bottom lip as he did so and felt his friend’s body stiffen before writhing against him. Watching Tommy fall apart beneath him was possibly one of the most beautiful things that he had ever seen, it was also sobering. The man he had just made cum was not his boyfriend or one of the rare one-night stands. This was Tommy, his straight bassist.

“I, shit, I shouldn’t have done that,” Adam said, scrambling up and away from his friend, grabbing a towel to clean off his hand. He stopped mid freak out at the hurt rejected look on Tommy’s face.

“Tommy, I’m sorry, are you alright?” Adam asked, cursing himself. He should have been more responsible, he wasn’t just messing with a good friend here, but an employee, he was so stupid.

“Fine, just cut the I shit, I told you to do it,” Tommy muttered.

“Yeah, but I think you’re drunker than me and I’m your boss, I shouldn’t have taken advantage. I mean, you’re straight Tommy, you don’t want me like this.” Adam sighed.

“Was it bad or something?” Tommy asked, not looking at him.

Adam couldn’t think of a good way to answer that. A man, he was pretty sure he was in love with, had just given him a mind numbing orgasm, the sort that left your body loose and your knees weak, and he thought it might be bad. There was no way Adam could give an explanation using the “L” word though.

Tommy finally glanced up after the silence stretched on. It was again, one of the few times Adam found himself unable to read his friend, there was no emotion on his face at all, he looked a little tired maybe, but that was all.

“Forget I said anything, I’m going to go clean up,” Tommy sighed, starting to get up.

“It was amazing, Tommy. We just can’t do this, you’re straight and no one’s that open minded, you’ll freak out eventually. I’ll be more careful, maybe avoid being drunk alone together,” Adam suggested, he didn’t want his dick of all things to drive Tommy away, he needed the bassist in his life.

“Yeah, cool, whatever man. I won’t start shit again, no drunken hook ups,” Tommy nodded, standing up and going to the door.

“Right, no being drunk together and we won’t have a problem,” Adam agreed, his heart breaking a little. For some reason, he wanted to pull Tommy back into bed, to wake up with the blonde, but he knew if they did that, Tommy would probably hate him in the morning.

“Sure, Adam, no getting drunk,” Tommy agreed, before opening the door and walking out.

“Night, Glitterbaby,” Adam sighed, half planning what he could say to Tommy in the morning to make things better.

They didn’t talk about it the next day, they were too busy, but the show that night was flawless and Tommy was acting like nothing had happened. It hurt, but Adam knew it was for the best, he wasn’t going to mess around with a straight boy, never again. He’d been burned that way before. Things were normal, they did all the things they did together before, apart from they were never not sober alone and they tried to keep it within reason, even in a group. That was, until the tour reached Amsterdam...……..


	4. Sober

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part four of the Are you nervous verse? No being alone when there not sober is working, being on stage drunk and high? That’s okay, nothing will happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.   
> This verse started out as a fill over at Glam kink and has now turned into a verse.   
> As I’ve said before seen as this is fiction it doesn’t always follow real life time tables and I will be making stuff up to suit my purpose, mainly because in real life the people in this fic tend not to be naked all the time.

Tommy pov

Adam was always saying that he was like an open book and a lot of the time that was true, he didn’t try to hide what he was feeling normally, he didn’t see the point. When he really wanted to though, Tommy could make the pages turn blank and had been doing so ever since the night he’d fooled around with Adam.

Tommy founded it hard to even think about that night, he wished that the booze had made the memories cloudy. Instead, they were crystal clear and sharp enough to rip him to shreds every time they came to mind. He remembered every word and touches, even the smell of Adam, his aftershave mixed with a little sweat. His first time with a guy was certainly memorable even thought the experience itself was almost forgettable to Tommy, in comparison to the rejection that had followed.

Everyone who talked about how he was just Adam’s type had clearly been wrong, hell, Adam had said it in interviews but it didn’t feel true now, hadn’t felt true since he’d gone and spent the night sleeping with Sutan on a couch instead of in bed with Adam.

Tommy hadn’t told anyone about what happened, nobody asked because they didn’t know there was something to ask about. Isaac, Monte and Sutan were the people he spent most of his time with now and not one of them questioned the distance between him and Adam, mainly because Tommy still spent time with his best friend, just never alone. He couldn’t be alone with Adam, not after seeing the worried look on his friend’s face the morning after. Adam would try and talk about what had happened, to make Tommy feel better about being dismissed. Well that was not going to happen, Tommy did not need to see pity on Adam’s face that might just destroy him.

He managed to fool everyone for weeks, but then the tour went to Amsterdam and Tommy found himself drinking more than he normally would before a show. He wasn’t the only one, but the buzz had him slipping up a little. He couldn’t stop watching Adam backstage as they all got ready.

“Tommy, I’m doing your makeup tonight, come with me,” Sutan said, appearing out of nowhere.

Even though Tommy was used to letting Sutan do his makeup for shows and just to play, he knew he was in trouble. Sutan always asked if he could make Tommy pretty or just experiment with something he wanted to try. This time, Tommy had been told he was getting made up no hint of asking about it.

Sutan took him to one of the small private dressing rooms and made him sit down in the makeup chair. Neither of them said anything until Sutan had started applying his makeup. Tommy suspected this was a ploy to prevent him from running away.

“Did you and Adam have a fight?” Sutan asked calm and straight to the point as always.

“No,” mutual masturbation and then being told to go back to being straight wasn’t a fight, no one had yelled, no insults were thrown. They kissed on stage every night, people who were fighting didn’t do that right?

“Then why are you looking at him like he killed your puppy?” Sutan pressed, not pausing his work for even a second, he was a perfectionist when it came to this stuff.  
“It’s nothing, guess the booze is just making me mopey,” Tommy shrugged.

“Drinking makes you even more of a cuddle slut than you normally are. I’ve never seen it make you mope,” Sutan’s tone made it clear that he was not buying that excuse for a second.

“Can we just leave it? Please, this isn’t a big deal, don’t make it into one,” Tommy knew he could talk to Sutan and that not one word would get passed on, but it hurt too much to talk about getting shut down by Adam right now.

“No Hun, were not gonna leave it. The fact that you tried to lie about it to me when you never lie to me, makes it pretty obvious that whatever is going on, it’s already a big deal.” Sutan sighed.

“Fine, the night we talked about me liking guys, I talked to Adam. Well, I tried. It got all messed up, we were both drunk. And at the end of the day, what it comes down to is, Adam thinks I’m some stupid confused straight boy looking to experiment,” Tommy spat out angrily, it hurt that Adam seemed to think that way. He had thought his friend knew him better than that. Tommy would never use Adam like that, like some kind of test run for his sexuality, he wasn’t that cruel.

“What? Why would he think that? I mean, you were obviously sure about it when you spoke to me,” Sutan frowned.

“I didn’t tell him I liked guys, I walked in on him jerking off, made an ass of myself, and then we fooled around.” Tommy looked down at his lap, concentrating on the black material so hard; you’d think it held all the answers to his problems, or maybe just a naked picture of Adam.

“You fooled around, but he thinks your straight? My boy needs his gaydar looked at. I mean, I’m guessing you mean more than the kiss and cuddle stuff you two normally get up to?” Sutan tapped his chin hard with the eye shadow brush so that he would look back up.

Tommy blushed and explained exactly what had happened between him and Adam that night on the tour bus.

“So yeah, he got off, I asked him to kiss me, basically begged for it like some trashy twink slut he’d picked up in a club. No wonder he pushed me away the second he was done,” Tommy sighed.

Sutan put down his brushes and the makeup and before Tommy knew it, he was being hugged as Sutan bent low over the chair, one arm holding him tightly, the other petting at his hair.

“Don’t you ever let me hear you compare yourself to some trampy hook up ever, Tommy Joe. I don’t know what Adam was thinking, but as much as I love the man, I’m so pissed at him for making you feel like that,” Sutan whispered fiercely into his ear.

“Please don’t be mad at him, he didn’t mean to make me feel like this,” Tommy mumbled into Sutan’s shoulder.

“And how has he made you feel Tommy? Please tell me, I know its awkward talking about one friend to another, but please baby, you need to be honest about how you feel,” Sutan said, drawing back a little so that they were eye to eye.

“Like shit, that’s how he made me feel. He rejected me, kicked me out of bed with out so much as a fucking kiss goodbye and that hurts. And you know what’s worse? I know Adam, I know he doesn’t use people for sex or hurt them. The man’s still best friends with an ex-boyfriend, so it hurts knowing it must be something about me or something I did that had him wanting me out of there like that.” Tommy admitted in a rush, he’d been holding it all in for week’s. Day in, day out, he was surrounded by Adam shown proof of a great guy who obviously just didn’t want him.

“No, that is bullshit. Adam is a good guy, but so are you. I thought he would be thrilled that you liked guys. You’re a hundred percent his type and your so close to each other already, it sounds perfect to me,” Sutan frowned.

“Don’t say that, just please don’t say that. I cannot stand hearing everyone say that I’m his type, after what happened, I’m clearly not. You don’t tell your perfect guy it can never happen,” Tommy felt like he was shattering inside, his entire carefully placed armor wasn’t doing shit to protect him anymore. It was as if admitting that the pain was there had let it take over, and now he felt raw with it.

“Alright hunny, I’m sorry, is there anything I can do?” Sutan asked gently.

“Just make me look pretty ‘kay? There’s a big audience out there tonight, I don’t want to disappoint them,” Tommy said with a weak smile. He loved his fans, some days he couldn’t even believe the fact he had fans.

“Sure thing, Tommy,” Sutan nodded, pressing a quick and gentle kiss to his forehead before he went back to work.

His friend’s tenderness almost broke Tommy open, his insides felt like they were made of sharp and hurtful things. This wasn’t the normal preshow butterflies that he actually liked. This was something that had nothing to do with nerves or excitement, but instead dread. He had never dreaded performing like this, he loved being on stage. Tommy thought maybe a few more drinks would wear away the edges, make the painful shards that he suspected were his heart shattered in his chest harder to feel.

They were all a little more than tipsy when they reached the stage and it wasn’t like they stopped drinking, then Adam had let them fill their “water” bottles with vodka. Tommy was enjoying himself, the music, and the booze and the energy from the crowd taking over. He felt almost silly and a little like he’d been melodramatic before the show, how could he forget he loved this? He shouldn’t let his stupid feelings ruin what had always been his dream, to perform for a living.

Then Adam had the joints brought out because they were in Amsterdam and it was legal, so why the fuck not? Everyone was an odd mix of mellow and hyper after that and Adam kept saying it had to be sexy. Tommy was having a good time, his earlier worries completely forgotten as he messed around on stage with the band and dancers, just having fun. The crowd loved it and too soon they were finishing up with just “Whole lotta love” to be played.

Tommy felt like his blood was on fire as he stood in his spot and began playing, glancing back at Adam seemed completely natural. Adam wasn’t in his normal spot, he was waiting it seemed for Tommy. It made his heart pound even harder in his chest as he drifted closer to the singer. The kiss was still somehow unexpected, even though he saw Adam move in for it. The kiss was hot and slow, all consuming, like some kind of fire licking over his skin, burning him, branding him.

Tommy could dimly hear the crowd going wild and so he tried to keep playing, but then fucking Adam’s hand was on his bass, making a noise that seemed some how needy and sexual. His knees felt weak and his back ached from bending back for the kiss, but he didn’t care, he never wanted it to end. After the rejection weeks before on the bus, nothing had felt right. Now, finally with Adam’s lips on his, their tongues fighting for dominance even though they both knew Adam already had it, everything felt right again.

When the kiss finally broke, he felt dazed as well as hard as a fucking rock and Adam really wasn’t helping. The way he moved on stage got Tommy going like nothing he had ever seen before. When the show finished, he nearly ran off stage, not wanting the audience to notice his hard on now that he no longer had the bass to hide behind. He did not need to see that on Twitter in the morning.

Soon, everyone was back stage with another joint being passed around and some one suggested they kept the party going at the hotel. Of course Adam’s room was the biggest, so they ended up there, stoned, drunk with the dancers putting on music and trying to make everyone dance. Even Neil, which really was a sight and something the younger Lambert would probably try and claim was some sort of mass hallucination.

Tommy sat down, without the rush of the performance running threw his body, he was starting to feel shitty again. Adam hadn’t been near him since they got off the stage, clearly regretting how far the kiss went already. It seemed they needed to stay sober at all times, not just when they were alone together. They had fucked up again and Tommy blamed Adam. The weed was his idea and he started the damn kiss.

He wasn’t going to be ignored by his best friend for weeks again, not when they could call this kiss ‘fan service’ and pretend it hadn’t meant a thing. It was clear to him, Adam only wanted him for sex when he was drunk. Tommy would feel used if not for the fact he knew for sure it wasn’t like that or he would be warming Adam’s bed every night, the guy loved sex, yet he’d turned Tommy down so obviously his friend didn’t even want him like that. Adam didn’t even want to use him and how pathetic was he for wanting to be used?

He made his way over to the sofa were Adam was sitting and plopped down close to him, he was shocked when a strong arm pulled him closer, until he was practically sitting in the other man’s lap. Tommy didn’t complain, he’d missed the affection in the weeks he had been denied it.

“I’m tired, no more dancing.” Sasha demanded, pulling Taylor down to sit on the floor with her.

Monte turned the music down and everyone followed the hint to take a seat some were. Most people ended up on the floor. Tommy ended up staying mainly on Adam, but with Sutan pressing up on his other side close on the small sofa, especially seen as Lane was on Sutan’s other side.

“Spin the bottle!” Terrance suggested loudly.

“I think that game loses its point when you all kiss each other anyway.” Monte laughed from the armchair he’d snagged to himself.

“Truth or dare? Childish I know but I’m too stoned to think of anything better.” Cam said, looking as she leaned back against the base of the bed.

“No illegal dares.” Lane insisted.

“Spoil sport.” Adam laughed.

Tommy didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to were the bottle was landing or what people were picking, he was too focused on the feel of Adam’s body against him, the warmth soaking in to his skin as well as his scent. It was like all of his scents were trying to get their fill of Adam in case he was taken away again.

He did notice when his name was called, he took in the bottle facing him and Isaac’s grin and figured it couldn’t be that bad. He didn’t want to go for truth, there were too many secrets. He didn’t need a room full of people to know and Isaac was harmless, he wouldn’t pick a difficult dare, they were buds.

“Dare,” Tommy said, lifting his head a little off of Adam’s chest, he didn’t want to lose any contact ever, but he needed to see the group for this probably, he might even have to stand up which would suck balls.

“Make out with Sutan.” Isaac grinned smug as fuck over his dare because even thought they were friends, Tommy had never kissed Sutan and he’d kissed a lot of his friends, so Isaac probably thought he would hesitate, he was wrong. Sutan was always there for him, Tommy trusted the other man completely.

Tommy moved away from Adam a little, but even as he angled his body away from Adam and towards Sutan, they were still touching, bodies pressing together along one side. He decided to get into Sutan’s lap. It was probably the easiest way, Adam didn’t move to help. He kept leaning more heavily against Tommy. Once he was face to face with the other man, Tommy went to ask permission but Sutan nodded at him before he could a clear green light.

He didn’t close his eyes, he wanted Sutan to know he wasn’t picturing Adam behind closed eyelids. Even during a dare, he would not use his friend as a substitute which showed once again how pathetic he was for wanting to be used, if it was the only way he could be with Adam.

He kissed Sutan softly, lips closed chaste. He was a little nervous, he hadn’t kissed anyone other than Adam in a long time, it was almost as if his lips had forgotten how to respond to anyone else. Then Sutan’s lip moved just the smallest of movements against his own and it was like his body was hot wired back in to action. Adam might hold the key to him responding, but his body could still react with out him. Mouths parted, soft wet and so much better than he’d though it would be on hearing the dare.

Sutan’s arms slipped around his body, drawing him closer with more strength than he had credited the other man with. It drew him away from Adam and against an unfamiliar chest, but he still felt safe pressed against this body. They made out lazily, not making a show of it as he would have on stage until Isaac laughed that the dare had really been met by now.

Tommy turned to face the room but didn’t leave Sutan’s lap, he snuggled back against the other man, enjoying the hand petting his hair and the security of the arm firmly around his stomach. Kissing Sutan was safe, it felt good and didn’t make his hart break in to a million little jagged pieces when he realized it wasn’t real.

 

Adam pov

He was really fucking glade he was stoned or he might have been angrier. He was supposed to be Tommy’s exception, the one guy he kissed, but thanks to Isaac the little bastard, his Tommy was in another man’s lap, clearly enjoying himself.

It was actually hot to watch, which made him sort of hate himself, he was perving on his friends making out for a dare, but they did look pretty together and the sounds they were making were pretty steamy, no loud porno moans, just soft murmured sounds of pleasure. The hard on that he’d willed down after the show was back again full force, pressing against his zipper painfully.

It really was not fun being both turned on and pissed off over the same thing, it made his head hurt and he sure as hell wasn’t thinking clearly enough at the moment to work threw it. When the kiss ended, Tommy stayed in Sutan’s lap. Adam missed having the bassist close, he had been so stupid to keep his friend at arms length and to let Tommy avoid him in turn, he should have been a man about it, talked things through. He decided that’s what he would do, talk to Tommy man to man, the way he should of the morning after they’d fooled around. He needed to stop fucking up before he lost his glitterbaby.

He waited till everyone was leaving before tapping Tommy, who was still attached to Sutan as they walked to the door, on the shoulder.

“Hey, Tommy, stay a second, please?” Even stoned, he knew to use the puppy dog eyes to get what he wanted.

“Umm, yeah, sure,” Tommy nodded, looking uncertain.

“Are you sure?” Sutan asked, elegant hands sliding up and down Tommy’s back, it didn’t look like seduction more, like comfort. Adam didn’t get it.

“I’ll be fine, I’m a big boy.” Tommy laughed, but it sounded hollow.

“Alright sweetie, but if you need me, I’m in my room. Come see me no matter how late it is.” Sutan said softly, pressing a quick affection filled kiss to Tommy’s cheek before leaving.

Adam was beyond confused, he knew the two men were friends, but when had they gotten so close? Why hadn’t Adam noticed more importantly and why did it seem like they had some sort of secret?

“So, you want to talk to me?” Tommy said around the fingers he had in his mouth. He was biting his nails, a damn nervous habit Adam had seen plenty of times, but he didn’t get why the fuck Tommy was nervous now.

“Can we at least sit first?” Adam asked, wandering over to sit on the sofa, seemed smarter than the bed. Last time they’d been in a bed, shit had happened. Maybe that was why Tommy was nervous?

Tommy sat next to him, though not as close as he sometimes would but not as far away as the sofa would allow him which Adam took as a good sign and he was all about signs. He really didn’t want to have lost Tommy as a friend, even though he’d been acting like a dick because he couldn’t handle his feelings. He was more than attracted to Tommy, the blond wasn’t just his type, he was better. He wasn’t some empty headed pretty twink, he loved and cared about so many of the things Adam did, but not in that boring ‘we are exactly the same person’ way, that could make dating dull.

“Please, can you just say whatever it is you need to say? I’m tired, I want to go to bed,” Tommy sighed.

“You’re normally cuddly when you’re high or drunk, not sleepy. Are you going to go sleep with Sutan? I mean, to cuddle, I wasn’t implying something was going on even though you two were all weird at the door before and the kiss was really hot,” Adam blurted out and wished he had put more thought in to verbalizing his thoughts to avoid the word vomit he’d managed.

“You think it was hot?” Tommy asked.

“That’s kind of not the part I though you’d ask about,” Adam frowned.

“Just wondered I guess, I mean, I know how it felt but I didn’t know how it looked. People always tell me how our kisses look, they break them down for hidden meaning. So, I’m a little curious about how it looks when I kiss other men,” Tommy shrugged.

“Why do you care how it looks? I mean, I’m the only man you kiss in public, unless you and Sutan have something going on behind the glamily’s back,” Adam laughed, the idea of his straight pretty kitty having a secret affair with a man was just so unlikely, even if Raja was as pretty as any supposedly “real” girl.

“It’s not that funny, Adam. I’m not with Sutan or anyone else for that matter, but doesn’t mean I couldn’t. What we have is just fan service, you made that clear, so I can have fun with whoever I like, I don’t owe you anything.” Tommy Joe actually sounded pissed, which was the opposite of how this talk was meant to go.

“I just, it’s, your straight, so it made me laugh, I’m stoned, I’m sorry.” Adam sighed, hoping his apology could get them back on track.

“For fuck’s sake, I’m so tired of hearing you say that. It’s bad enough when you say it in interviews, but when you say it to me, I cannot listen to this shit anymore. How can you, of all people, even think that?” Tommy yelled, which pretty much ruined Adam’s hope that he’d calmed things down.

“What do you mean Tommy? I’m clearly missing something here.” Adam really didn’t get it, Tommy had never reacted to being called straight before this.

“Ask Sutan, I’ll give him permission to talk to you about it. I just cannot do this right now. It hurts too much to hear you dismiss it,” Tommy got up and half ran from the room before Adam could fully process what had even happened.

He sat there for way too long trying to think of all the possible things that Tommy might have told Sutan that he hadn’t told him. When the only image’s his brain could come up with were of Sutan kissing Tommy, he decided he would do as he’d been told and go talk to Sutan.

The fact that when he knocked on the door at ass o’ clock in the morning and Sutan opened the door seconds after his knuckles first touched the wooden panel, made Adam’s stomach clench and twist its self into knots, there was no way this was good news.

“Tommy texted me, come in and sit down.” The clipped, cold tone was not something anyone got from Sutan, it made Adam feel like shit, he’d clearly upset his friend, well friends, he’d now upset Tommy and Sutan.

“I know it’s late, but I need to know why he’s mad at me.” Adam sighed, sitting down in an armchair facing toward Sutan.

“First off, why do you feel the need to keep labeling the boy? You hate labels,” Sutan said, shaking his head.

“It’s pathetic, but I need to remind myself that he’s straight to protect myself. Like, if I say it often enough, I’ll stop wanting him?” Adam rubbed his hand over his face in frustration, he’d fallen for another cute straight boy and worse, he’d blurred the lines so much, Tommy had let him use him when they were drunk.

“You have a crush on Tommy?” Sutan asked.

“Yeah, I though everyone knew? He’s hot, completely my type, talented and a nice guy to boot? I’ve been fucking gone on the guy since we met. You really didn’t know I liked him?” Adam had though he’d been pretty bad at hiding his feelings.

“I thought at one point you did, but then Tommy, the one person who doesn’t think you like him that way even a little, convinced me that you didn’t.” Sultan shrugged.

“How did he change your mind? Why were you even talking about it?” Adam wasn’t getting any less confused, but at least now he was pretty sure Sutan hadn’t seduced Tommy as Raja or whatever else his stoned and apparently stupid mind had come up with when he had been in his room.

“Well, he said you rejected him which only a moron would do by the way. If a hot, nice guy like that made a pass at me? I would be all up on that. We talked about it after I asked him why you two have been weird and why he’s been so down, it’s not like him,” Sultan sighed, the affection and worry clear in his voice.

“I, Tommy told you what happened when we were drunk? I didn’t mean to fool around with him, I used him, I get that and I should have talked to him that morning, I was going to tonight. He feels rejected because we’ve been distant?” Adam was changing his name to ‘fuck up’ after the tour finished, he sucked.

“No, Tommy felt rejected after he got you off and you kicked him out of bed. You don’t even like one night stands, so I really do not get you kicking that boy out of bed the seconded you had an orgasm,” Sultan leant over and slapped him in the side of the head, the blow wasn’t hard, Sutan really wasn’t big on violence, but it got the point across that Adam had messed up big time.

“I couldn’t bear to wake up with him and have him tell me it was a mistake. I blurred the lines of what was ok between us and then I took advantage of him being drunk, lonely, and horny. I didn’t need to hear the ‘I’m sorry but I’m straight’ talk, not from him, my heart couldn’t take it.” Adam could picture every second of it in his head, Tommy wasn’t even mad, just sorry, which made him feel just as bad.

“He’s not straight, he’s Bi,” Sutan said softly.

“What? He thinks he’s Bi now, because of what we did?” Adam had seen Tommy with girls, he never reacted to men like that. He had to be confused, it was the only thing that made sense.

“Adam, you’re hot, but not hot enough to confuse Tommy, he’s a smart guy, it ate at him a while. He told me he was Bi before what went down in your room on the bus, late bloomer. He didn’t want to be different from his friends and he never wanted a man enough to question it, so he let himself be labeled straight. Being around you, the glamily, and the fan’s made him feel ready to except that side of his sexuality,” Sutan stopped for a second to let all of that sink in.

“He was scared how you would reacted and you went and did that Adam? You hurt him, he called himself a slut tonight! He thinks he did something wrong and that’s why you kicked him out, he has no clue that you like him and he’s in pain,” Sutan looked pissed enough to hit him for real.

“I made him feel like that?” Adam needed a better name change, maybe ‘king of the fuckwits’?

“Yeah, you did and you had better fix it before someone comes along and steals him away, I do not need to deal with you pouting over something that would be your own damn fault.” Sultan made a shooing motion with his hands.

“Alright, I’m going, I’ll fix it. I will hate myself forever if I fucked up my chance.” Adam really hoped he still had a chance.

Sutan hugged him and wished him luck that seemed to mean that at least one person wasn’t as mad as they had been at him at the beginning of the night. He had a feeling as he knocked on Tommy Joe’s door, that he wouldn’t be able to fix things with his best friend as easily.


	5. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part five of the Are you nervous verse? Adam finally knows Tommy isn’t as straight as he had thought. What is he going to do about it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.   
> This verse started out as a fill over at Glam kink and has now turned into a verse.   
> I will be making stuff up to suit my purpose, mainly because in real life the people in this fic tend not to be naked all the time. This chapter ran away from me a little.

Tommy pov

He should have been ready for the knock on the door, he’d been bracing himself for it ever since he told Adam to go talk to Sutan, but still, when it came he jumped about a foot in the air and then froze. He was a grown man, damn it, he needed to grow some balls and answer the door. He wasn’t afraid of Adam, he was pissed at his friend, but they were still friends. At least he didn’t think Adam would come knocking at his door at four in the morning to tell him that they weren’t friends anymore.

“Tommy Joe, I know you’re in there,” Adam yelled loudly, pounding on the wood again.

It showed it was a bad night when an Atheist was thanking God that he’d been given a single room. If Isaac or Monte had heard this, they would never let it drop. He got up and walked to the door, it was maybe a ten step journey, but it felt like the longest ten steps he had ever taken. The way he imagined the walk felt for a prisoner going to the electric chair. He was such a drama queen. He needed to quiet it before even Raja thought he was over the top.

Tommy opened the door slowly pretty much terrified of what he might find when he came face to face with Adam. He thought the singer would be pissed at him for not being totally honest about his sexuality, even if the lie had been accidental. What he didn’t expect was for Adam to pull him in to his arms and into a bone crushing hug.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry that I hurt you. I’m the shittiest friend ever, you should hate me. Please don’t hate me,” Adam said it all in one great rush right into his neck, bending right over to hide his face against skin. Tommy had never felt as fragile as he did then, faced with the reminder of Adam’s size. Adam was so gentle in nature that Tommy often forgot how intimidating the man’s height was.

“I don’t hate you. Come on, let’s not do this in the hall. everyone has a freaking camera phone these days.” Tommy sighed, trying to draw back, but Adam had apparently picked now to practice his impression of a spider monkey, and he wouldn’t let go, so Tommy ended up shuffling awkwardly back into his room with a rockstar glued to his front. Adam did kick the door shut behind him though, which was something.

“Can we sit or are you just gonna suffocate me?” Tommy asked, wiggling a little in the circle of Adam’s arms.

“Oh shit, sorry.” Adam let him go and took a step back. He looked ready to bawl his eyes out. Like maybe if Tommy had told him he hated him, he would have sobbed. A small vicious part of him was glad he had even a shred of the effect on Adam as Adam had on him, but he took no true pleasure in it.

“I guess Sutan cleared some stuff up?” Tommy asked, sitting down on the sofa. Adam seemed to hesitate before joining him. It was like he was waiting for Tommy to get mad again, but right now he was too drained to be angry.

“Yeah, he told me you talked, that you’re Bi, and he’s really pissed at me for hurting you.” Adam sighed.

“I told him not to be mad at you. I mean, I get that you didn’t mean anything by any of it.” Tommy shrugged.

“I never meant to hurt you by calling you straight all the time and I’m sorry for making it harder for you to come out to any of us. I’m sorry I was a jerk after we fooled around, even sorrier I ignored you after.” Adam looked so depressed that Tommy didn’t want to get mad, but he had to jump in.

“I ignored what had happened as well.” Tommy pointed out. He didn’t like being treated like some kid who’d been pushed around.

“Well, I’m sorry I let you ignore it… be distant. I pretended I believed everything was fine and that was stupid. I’m not sorry that we fooled around, though, just that we were drunk and how I dealt with it.” Adam sighed.

“You don’t regret it?” Tommy asked, not daring to read more into what that might mean.

“No, not at all, even though I left you turned on, which was a dick move. I used you, but I swear I never meant to. I like you, Tommy. I hate that I hurt you,” Adam said softly.

“Why don’t we have a do over?” Tommy suggested. He couldn’t stand seeing Adam so sad, hated that they had gotten so far away from the closeness they had shared. He wanted it back and he though he knew a way to connect again.

“A do over?” Adam repeated.

“Yeah, kiss me again. Redo that night the way we should have. I’m only a little stoned and so are you, but that’s different to being drunk.” Tommy reasoned.

“Really? You want that? Want me?” Adam said, edging closer as he spoke.

“Yeah, I do.” Tommy nodded, biting his lip. He didn’t know what he would do if Adam said no, to be rejected again would kill him.

He didn’t have to worry for long. Adam grabbed the front of his T-shirt and dragged him forward into a lip bruising kiss. Tommy groaned against full lips, his body suddenly hyper aware despite how sleepy the weed had made him feel. It sounded stupid even as he thought it, but it was like he came alive were ever Adam touched him. There was a hand in his hair and another at the base of his back. He had never been so aware of such innocent touches, so turned on by them.

“Want you so bad,” Adam gasped, pulling away from his mouth to place stinging kisses on his throat.

“You’ve got me,” Tommy murmured. He wasn’t running away from this. He was terrified of being with a man. He’d spent his whole sexually active life sleeping with women, but he knew this was different, knew he didn’t know shit about how to make a man feel good, but it was Adam and he wanted it so badly that he was forcing the fear down. He was in love with Adam, and he wanted to show Adam how he felt, how serious he was about this by giving himself to Adam.

“Bed… now,” Adam growled, pulling him to his feet and it was just so easy to let the other man take the lead. He didn’t even protest when Adam stopped on the way to the bed to pull off Tommy’s T-shirt. He just went with it. He knew Adam, knew what he was doing.

Adam pins him to the bed and for the second time that night – morning, whatever you want to call it – Tommy is reminded of how much bigger than him Adam is, stronger to. It almost scares him a little, the trapped feeling. He’s never felt trapped by a girl before. Even when he’d had a girlfriend who’d liked to pin his wrists, they had both known he could get loose if he wanted to, but here in bed with Adam, if the other man wants him to stay down, he’s staying down. It terrifies him a little, but turns him on at the same time. He’s so glad he’s doing this with a man he trusts completely for the first time. If it had been someone else, he probably would have already pussied out.

The kissing isn’t anything new. Adam’s hands on his bare chest are, and it makes him shiver. Large fingers keep brushing over his nipples with just enough pressure to have him gasping and arching up in to the touch. He feels over heated and small in an already small body, and the way Adam’s touches and kisses make him feel, are so much bigger than that. He feels like he’s going to crack open.

He pushed at Adam’s chest, yanking at the other man’s shirt until he got with the program and took it off, throwing it to the side like it didn’t most likely cost a fortune. The man had expensive taste, Tommy knew. He’d been shopping with him, he liked that Adam seemed as into this as him. If he’d stopped to fold a shirt? Yeah, Tommy might have been insulted. He soon forgot about the shirt when Adam leaned back in to kiss him and there bare chest’s touched. He’d thought he might miss boobs, he’d always loved women’s breast’s, but right now, he didn’t care if he never saw another pair again. The feeling of soft skin over firm flesh was so different and it turned him the fuck on.

Adam’s hand dropped between their bodies. He undid the button and fly of Tommy’s jeans without fumbling once and then his hand was slipping inside, grip firmer than any girl’s hands,  
bigger. Tommy threw his head back moaning.

“Fuck, no underwear? You’re gonna kill me, Tommy Joe,” Adam said hotly, sucking on his earlobe before gently nipping on the fold of skin.

“Says the man who’s rubbed his hard on against my ass on stage in front of thousands of people,” Tommy said playfully, thrusting his hips up to meet Adam’s skilful touch. It seemed the other man knew what his cock liked better than he did. Tommy had never been this turned on by a hand job, not even when he’d been a teenager and getting someone else’s hand on his dick had been a brand new experience.

“You love it; you rub back against me like a pretty kitty in heat.” Adam smirked.

“Don’t get cocky, just shows you what a dumbass you were for thinking I’m not even a little bent.” Tommy pointed out.

Adam just licked a hot stripe down his neck, nipping at his collarbone. When he pulled his hand away, Tommy was ready to start bitching until he realized Adam had let go so that he could strip the rest of their clothes off, jeans and boots slung away as carelessly as there tops had been earlier. Tommy could really get used to someone who was so eager in bed that they were pulling the cloths from his body and then man handling, it was all kinds of hot.

“Tell me to slow down or I won’t. I’m not normally this pushy, but I’ve wanted you for so long.” Adam panted, his expression full on predatory. It made Tommy a little nervous and a lot turned on, a mix of feelings that he seemed to get around Adam a lot these days, especially tonight.

“I’ve waited long enough,” Tommy said firmly. He wanted Adam; this wasn’t an experiment to him. He was in love, stupidly head over heels in love.

He didn’t fight Adam for control, he let the other man pin him, the weight of his body between Tommy’s legs forcing his legs further apart. He felt vulnerable and exposed, but he didn’t want to be on top. It wasn’t just because he didn’t have a clue how to make it good for Adam, he had just always pictured it this way Adam taking him. But as desperate to have Adam inside him as he was, he still gasped into their kiss the second he felt a finger press lightly at his entrance.

“Shh… its ok, I’ll go slowly. Shit, do you have any lube?” Adam asked quietly.

“Yeah, in the draw. Sutan bought it as a joke,” Tommy mumbled, wiggling so that he could get to the lube without leaving the bed or Adam.

The cold made him jump a little even though he had known logically that the lube would be cold. Adam petted his stomach managing to both sooth him and stop him from jolting up away from the hand between his legs. Adam was going so unbelievably slow that it mainly felt weird rather than painful. His fingers were thick and long and even two of them kept closely together made him feel impossibly full. It was an intense feeling, one he knew would only increase when he had Adam’s dick inside of him. Being penetrated felt different than penetrating someone and not just in the obvious physical ways, he didn’t get how girl’s had given him this so easily in the past, like they weren’t giving him apart of themselves. Tommy pulled Adam in for a deeper kiss as a third finger began entering him. His feelings were too strong, he wanted to focus on the physicality of sex with Adam, something he had wanted ever since he met Adam. He couldn’t help the fullness in his heart though; this was more than just some fast fuck. Sex had mainly been about getting an orgasm for him before, like masturbation but generally with a better orgasm, this was nothing like that.

“Baby, this next part would be easier if you were on your front,” Adam whispered against his lips.

“No, like this, I like you on top of me. I want it this way,” He whispered back. No one else was around, they didn’t need to be quiet, but this just felt like the sort of conversation that you had in hushed voices almost as if being too loud would take away from how much it meant. Tommy needed to see Adam’s face for this, to be able to look into blue eyes and know he was making love with a man he loved. Otherwise, he would probably freak out over being with a man for the first time.

There was more pain than he had expected. The fingers hadn’t hurt at all, but Adam’s cock breaching his tight muscles made him hiss a little at the burn. Adam kissed him, his face, his neck, anywhere the other man could reach, words of comfort and reassurance spilling out of his lips between every kiss.

Tommy tried to relax, he focused on the sweet kisses and the obvious care Adam was taking with him and soon Adam was all the way inside him. Their pelvis pressed together, sweaty skin clinging together just like Adam’s lips clung to his skin as he dragged them over Tommy’s chest.

“Fuck, you’re so tight. I felt how tight you were when you were squeezing my fingers, but I had no idea you would feel this good. I want to pound you into the mattress, fuck you till you cum all over us,” Adam growled into his neck.

“Shit, Adam, please move, need you to fuck me.” Tommy begged, everything feeling like too much and not enough at the same time.

He felt Adam pull out a little and then thrust back in. The first couple of trusts felt good, but were tinged with just a little bit too much pain for his taste, even if he did like to play rough on occasion. Things started to ease up though, Adam’s movements becoming smoother as his body relaxed into the invasion. Tommy shifted his hips as he pulled Adam’s hair down until they could kiss sloppily, the move had unexpected results. One tiny shift of his body had Adam hitting his prostate on the next thrust.

“Adam… Adam… fuck! Adam, do that again, please,” Tommy whined, wrapping his legs around the other man, getting more comfortable as the pleasure increased. He clutched at Adam’s smooth, broad back. He couldn’t touch or be touched enough right now.

Adam sped up his thrust’s, groaning and muttering quiet filthy words as he slammed into Tommy’s body. He had known sex with Adam would be good, hell, Brad had told them all how great it was, but when he’d felt the pain, he had never thought that could turn in to this. Mind numbing, eyes rolling back, screaming the house down, good. There didn’t seem to be a phrase that quiet explained how amazing he felt.

Tommy couldn’t help moaning loudly, cursing into the once quiet room. He babbled incoherently, but he was too focused on what this felt like to care or be self conscious Adam didn’t seem to mind anyway. He was currently sucking on Tommy’s ear lobe and his silver hoops, panting hot, moist breath on to his neck and ear as he breathed out deliciously dirty words.

“So fucking tight, Tommy Joe. So perfect begging and moaning for my dick like a slut, it’s so fucking hot, baby,” Adam moaned.

“I need to cum, please, Adam,” Tommy whimpered.

“Think you can cum just from my cock? God, I’d love to see that. You’d look so pretty cumming from just my dick in your ass. Such a perfect little cock slut.” Adam’s hand went to his cock even as his dirty words did the same. Tommy had never had a thing for dirty talk before, but Adam’s filthy mouth turned him on, made his skin flush till it felt like it was on fire.

Adam thrust in to him fast and a little rough whilst he jacked his cock. Tommy didn’t know weather to thrust forward into the hand on his dick or to angle his hips down to take more of Adam. He couldn’t stop his head from tossing on the pillow until Adam grabbed him by the hair and pulled him up for a rough kiss, fucking his mouth with his tongue. When the kiss broke, Tommy whimpered, not wanting to lose that bit of contact.

“Such a whore for me… for this,” Adam purred, sucking kisses and bites into his throat and collarbone, hand never slowing down, hips keeping pace with his hand.

The kisses were lower suddenly and Adam sucked hard on one of his nipples before biting it almost too hard and licking away the sting. It was too much for Tommy, his brain was such a mess of pure feeling that he couldn’t find the words to tell Adam he was cumming, instead, he screamed out the man’s name as warm fluid filled the space between them.

“So pretty when you cum… fuck… Tommy. I’m not going to last. The way you just tightened around my cock, I almost came. I didn’t think you could get any tighter, kitty,” Adam panted, thrusting hard clearly chasing his orgasm.

Despite being sleepy and sensitive after his orgasm, Tommy rocked his body into Adam’s used his arms to pull him closer and kissed every little patch of skin he could reach. He was nibbling on Adam’s bottom lip when the man thrust jerkily, letting out a low sensual moan. Tommy felt him cum, he hadn’t even though to ask Adam to use a condom and it seemed the other man had forgotten as well. Tommy was kind of glad; he wanted to feel every part of getting fucked by Adam, including this. His dick jerking and shooting out cum inside of him, it felt strange, but so fucking hot at the same time.

Adam slumped forward kissing him slowly and sweetly. Tommy practically purred at the attention. After a few moments of lazy making out, Adam slowly began to pull out of his body. There was a small, sharp pain and a little bit of a raw burning ache, but it felt good. He liked knowing that he felt this way because of Adam. Tommy let himself be manhandled until he was spooning with Adam.

“Why am I the little spoon?” Tommy giggled.

“Cos’ your little and stoned still apparently, giggling like a girl.” Adam said, nuzzling at the skin behind his ear with his slightly cold nose.

“Just a little mellow like you, it’s cool. Now, shut up, I wanna sleep.” Tommy smiled. All that drama and bullshit when he could have been doing this, he was so stupid.

“Typical man… has an orgasm and falls asleep.” Adam laughed.

“Hey, you’re a guy too. I should know, I just had your dick up my ass.” Tommy pointed out, wiggling his bare ass back into Adam.

“Fucking teasing slut, I’ll show you how manly I am in a second,” Adam growled into his ear, nipping at the lobe. He also tightened the arm he had around Tommy’s waist so that it was harder for him to wiggle against his still sensitive dick.

“Not a tease, tease don’t put out, I just fucked you. When you recover enough to get it up again, I’m going to blow you,” Tommy mumbled sleepily. He had been tired from the show and the partying. Now, after being fucked into the mattress, he needed to sleep. Cuddling with Adam seemed like an awesome way to sleep to him.

“Hmmm… blow me in the morning, Glitterbaby, sleep now,” Adam said, brushing the thin skin behind his ear with the lightest of kisses.

Tommy felt himself drifting off to sleep in Adam’s arms. He felt safe wrapped up in strong arms. He felt loved for the first time he could remember and it made him smile as he stopped fighting and let heavy eyelids close.

When Tommy woke up to an empty bed, he didn’t freak out, he stretched, enjoying the twinge of pain in his ass. It proved last night wasn’t just some fucked up dream. Sprawling out in the bed let him feel how Adam’s spot was already cold and seen as Tommy couldn’t hear the shower running, he figured Adam wasn’t in his room. He sat up looking around, there was no note on his dresser and Adam’s clothes were missing from his floor.

He still refused to panic. He got out of bed, still naked from the night before, suddenly noticing he was cold now that he knew he didn’t have Adam’s warmth wrapped around him. He grabbed his jeans and slid them on, feeling the tackiness of dried cum on the backs of his legs. He pulled his cell out of his pocket. No texts from Adam to say where he has gone. Tommy would have got it if Adam had to leave to do something related to there show tonight.

He was a little worried, so he decided he would shower and then go find Adam. It felt good to get clean and the warm. Water helped sooth some of his aches, eased out a lot of the tension. Tommy put on the same jeans and T-shirt from the night before slipped on some boots and went in search of Adam.

The singer wasn’t in his room so Tommy was planning on heading down to breakfast to see if he was there. He was nearing the elevators when he spotted Adam huddled off to the side with Taylor, his hand on the young dancers shoulder, curled around it almost protectively. Tommy froze and like a coward, hid just around the corner, peeping around it at two people so wrapped up in whatever the fuck was going on to notice him. A sick feeling was growing in his stomach as he tried to remind himself that Taylor had a girlfriend, but it wasn’t really comforting when he himself had been straight before Adam.

“It’s cool, Taylor,” Adam said softly.

“I just… thank you for helping me, okay? It means a lot, I can’t imagine coming to anyone else for that.” Taylor reached out as he spoke, touching Adam’s arm with his fingertips. It was as if he had been forced to watch them fuck right there in the hallway to Tommy. It sounded like maybe Adam did still play with straight boys and Taylor had gotten curious. Maybe Adam had helped out a friend? Was that how he saw his night with Tommy as well, a fuck to help a friend out?

“You can always come to me. I know I’m your boss, but I’m your friend too,” Adam said, pulling the slight dancer into his arms.

“I know, and you were amazing… thank you.” Taylor leant up a little and brushed a light kiss to Adam’s cheek before stepping out of his arms.

Tommy felt sick. He couldn’t stand there another second and watch this. How had he been so stupid again?

He turns his back on Adam and Taylor and started walking as quickly as he could. He didn’t want to go back to his room and have to look at the still rumpled bed from where Adam had fucked him, because that was all it had been, a fuck. He had been stupid and naïve to think it had meant more to Adam. Sure, Adam didn’t sleep around a lot, he didn’t screw groupies. It was too risky on tour, but a band member was a great way to get some without it ending up on Twitter in the morning.

Going to breakfast right now was out, his stomach was rolling and he couldn’t face sitting with everyone right now. He headed to Sutan’s room and hoped like hell that the other man was still there instead of downstairs with the others. He pounded on the wooden panel, feeling his eye’s stinging. He blinked hard, refusing to cry over this shit. He wasn’t some little girl who couldn’t deal with getting fucked.

“Hold on, hold on, Jesus,” Sultan huffed as he opened the door, but the second he looked at Tommy, the grumpy look on his face disappeared and was replaced by a look of worry. He looked him up and down, last night’s cloths and the love bites that had to be showing on his neck and collarbone. Without a word, Sutan grabbed him and dragged him into the room, shutting the door behind them.

“Well, I’m guessing Adam visited you right after he talked to me,” Sutan said, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, that was stupid. Sorry for sending him to you,” Tommy said, pacing up and down the room.

“Well, something happened. You look like you were mauled,” Sutan pointed out.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Do you have makeup that can cover this shit up?” Tommy asked, pointing at his neck. He didn’t even want to look at the marks Adam had left.

“Tommy, I have makeup that turns me into Raja. I can cover a few love bites,” Sutan laughed. Love bites didn’t seem like the right words. They hadn’t been about love, Adam just liked biting and marking. He probably left marks like this on everyone he fucked, like Taylor.

Suddenly a fresh wave of nausea hit and Tommy had to run to the bathroom to be sick. He got to the toilet just in time. Going to his knees reminded him of his offer to blow Adam and had him heaving worse. He was such a moron, reading shit into nothing. Attraction to a friend didn’t equal love, he shouldn’t have gotten all starry eyed over Adam saying he liked him, it didn’t mean shit. Tommy was stupid for seeing love were there had only ever been lust and friendship.

“Oh hunny, did you have a lot to drink last night?” Sutan asked, petting his back gently.

“Not enough apparently,” Tommy sighed, sitting back on his ass on the cold tile floor. The once delicious ache now more of a taunting cruel reminder of his mistake. If he’d gotten really drunk, he wouldn’t have to remember every stupid detail of last night. Hell, if he’d been really drunk, he might have passed out before he made the mistake.

“Okay, brush your teeth. There’s a spare tooth brush, then come in and I’ll put make up on all those marks,” Sutan sighed, getting up and leaving him alone.

On autopilot, Tommy did as he was told. Looking at himself in the mirror was a bad call. He had dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep; his lips were still a little kiss swollen. The worst part was his neck and the visible part of his collarbone, his pale skin was covered with marks from his ear down. He couldn’t stand the sight of them or himself.

“Gonna tell me what’s going on?” Sutan asked, uncapping a tube of foundation with a practiced push of his thumb a soft brush already in his other hand.

“We slept together,” Tommy shrugged, trying to sound like it was nothing, had meant nothing. He had to learn how to close his heart off from Adam or it would keep getting shredded.

“What? Do you mean talked all night and ended up sleeping in the same room or…….” Sutan trailed off, arching an eyebrow at him again.

“Fucked him, well he fucked me, no big deal though. I just can’t have the fans seeing all this,” Tommy gestured to the marks that were being expertly covered in creams and powders.

Sutan made a small choked sound, but didn’t stop working, a true professional when it came to his work as a makeup artist.

“So, really not at all straight then?” Sutan smirked.

“Yep, popped my gay cherry. About time I did, I mean, total late bloomer and all that shit right?” Tommy laughed. He felt sick to his stomach still, like he was torn up inside. He didn’t want it to hurt, this wasn’t even a break up, it was a one night stand with some crossed wires.

“You bottomed for Adam, who we all know is hung. Brave boy, was it good? You don’t seem happy. I thought that was what you wanted?” Sutan asked as he blended the makeup and lightly blew away excess powder.

“The sex was great, Adam’s amazing in bed, but were friends. I know the guy sucks at relationships. I’m just saving us both the drama.” Tommy couldn’t help but think back to the sex. It had been amazing, but he’d stupidly viewed it in the wrong light. He was seeing it more rationally now. No one had said ‘I love you’, it hadn’t been tender lovemaking or some shit you found in the romance novels his Mom had that he never read. It had been fucking, sure, Adam had been considerate and careful with him, but Adam was a good guy like that. It would be so much easier to hate him if he had been a dick about the sex as well.

“So, it’s just a one off? I might as well do your face as well, Hun, now that I have you here,” Sutan said, pulling out more stuff from his makeup bag before Tommy even nodded. It wasn’t like he ever said no to getting his makeup done by Sutan. He loved the soft touches, the care and skill the other man showed. Sutan made him into a different person every time he went to work and right now, he really wanted to be a different version of himself.

“Probably.” It had been mind blowing, but it hadn’t been what he though he was getting from Adam. He didn’t want meaningless. Brad had always said Adam was a real sweet talker in and out of the sack, but there wasn’t any sweetness last night. It was hot, he’d begged for it, but he didn’t want to be Adam’s sex toy. Adam had called him a slut, a whore at the time the dirty talk had turned Tommy’s bones to liquid, now they just made him feel stupid and cheap.

Adam had found out he was Bi, come to his room and Tommy had just got on his back and spread his legs for the other man. Real classy behavior, giving it up like that, begging for it. He really had acted like a slut. Adam didn’t date the skanky club Ho’s Tommy had seen him fool around with, he just screwed them. Tommy had acted just like the desperate twinks he had seen circling around Adam at clubs, no wonder he got treated the same.

“You haven’t explained why you came to me in a panic. I would have come to your room if you called, made sure no one saw you if you’re worried about the fans and you didn’t give a straight answer when you threw up. Not to mention, for a man who just got laid by a hot rockstar, you do not look happy.” Sutan pouted at him, clearly unhappy and not at all fooled by him. Tommy considered running, but he had one eye ringed with liner and covered in black eye shadow and the other was makeup free so he decided he had better stay until his makeup was done even if it did mean he had to talk a little.

“I was sick cos I drank and smoked a lot of pot and I didn’t really eat much, its fine. And I’m happy about the sex, I just don’t want a one night stand to make things weird you know? You and Adam are the only ones who know I’m Bi as well, so if I went around smiling cos I got laid, people would start talking. The band doesn’t need to know me and Adam hooked up. It was really hot, but it was just a fuck and people won’t get that.” Tommy lied, hoping that even though what he had said wasn’t the most coherent, that it sounded believable. It was true that the band would make a huge deal out of it, they wouldn’t understand that sex didn’t mean dating or love when it came to them. Hell, even Tommy had got caught up in the assumption people had that Adam would love him if he liked men. He got that it was just a fuck now, he did, and he just wanted to be able to lick his wounds over that one in peace without a bunch of people in his business.

“Well, okay. You can tell me if it’s not alright at any point, please? I don’t want to see you hurting again, Tommy Joe.” Sutan said, squeezing his shoulder gently.

“I’d tell you. Finish my makeup and all will be all right in my world.” Tommy insisted, hoping Sutan didn’t get that Tommy wanted his makeup perfect to serve as another mask, something there to make him look physically okay while he worked at schooling his expressions.

“Sure thing, Hun. Just sit still while I make you even more beautiful,” Sutan smiled softly.

Tommy closed his eyes, pretending to relax while Sutan worked his magic when the truth was, he needed to hide how his friend’s kind words and unwavering support had made him want to cry a little. He was so raw right now, he hated it, he felt like Adam had ripped him open and left him bleeding. Tommy didn’t know how to fix himself, but he did know how to pretended not to be broken by something.

Once his makeup was done, he walked down to breakfast with Sutan, feeling stupidly paranoid like he was going to walk into the room to find Adam had hung a banner proclaiming “I fucked the straight bassist last night.” But of course, that was stupid. Adam didn’t kiss and tell. Tommy repressed a snort at his own bad humor and made his way into the breakfast room.

He could have kissed the floor when he walked in only to hear Lane badgering Adam about being late for a morning interview. Keeping his head down, he followed Sutan and took a seat not getting close to Adam or looking him in the eye. He was fiddling with a juice carton when the other man got up and left with Lane. He didn’t say anything to Tommy which was more of a relief at the moment than hurtful like it might be another time. Right now, he was glad he didn’t have to play normal directly to Adam. Sutan was hard enough to fool and Adam generally knew him better, at least he had at one time. Tommy wasn’t so sure any more.

“What was that?” Sutan asked quietly as he leant across Tommy to grab a bagel from the plate on the table.

“What was what?” Tommy asked back, finally pouring some orange juice into his glass instead of just playing with it. He liked having something to do with his hands when he was nervous, it sucked feeling nervous around people who he had been comfortable with, up until now. He didn’t want to feel like this.

“Oh nothing, just the oh so icy reception you gave a certain glittery singer.” Sutan gave him another pointed look. Tommy had to practice those, no one he had ever met could express as much with a look as Sutan did.

“You hug your one night stands in the morning or something?” Tommy asked, sipping his juice.

“No, but there not normally my best friends,” Sutan said before turning briefly away to place his order with a waiter. Tommy waved the guy off when he turned to him, he didn’t have any appetite.

“Stop reading into things. It’ll all be the same tonight. Same show, same Adommy fan service, just chill. I appreciate you caring about me, but you don’t need to be such a mother hen. I’m a big boy, I can look after myself.” Tommy loved Sutan like family and he really loved that he could trust him and how he seemed to care, but he didn’t want his friend knowing what a moron he had been, that was his to carry. He didn’t want to be pitied over it. Feeling ashamed of himself was bad enough without having Sutan, who was smart and caring, know he’d let Adam fuck him bareback like some stupid slut because he though the other man loved him, even though Adam had never claimed to love him that way.

“Okay, I’ll drop it, but if I find out you lied to me, Raja will spank you,” Sutan threaten playfully.

Tommy forced out a small laugh and then asked Sutan something about his stage makeup and new things they could try out. He knew it was a safe subject to talk about with minimal links so sex or Adam. He listened to Sutan talk, giving his input when it was needed and went to work at putting the walls back up around his heart. He’d let Adam past them all without a though months ago and now he needed to put up new ones that were Adam proof whilst his heart mended. Tommy wondered if there was an emotional equivalent to crazy glue, something that could stick all the shattered pieces together until he could fix it properly. He though maybe there was a physical solution to his emotional problem, drinking if he was good and drunk by the time he had to face Adam. The booze just might hold him together. He wasn’t an emotional drunk, he wouldn’t cry in to his bear, but it could help him fake confidence. Make him think he was brave enough to do this. No one would say anything, they were on tour in Amsterdam for Christ sake, drinking was practically expected.

He went to the hotel bar with Isaac after breakfast. The drummer was hung over and looking to try out the hair of the dog theory when it came to drinking. Tommy acted like he wanted the same and Isaac didn’t question it, seemed happy to have a drinking partner. He got a beer whilst Tommy went straight to jack which got him a raised eyebrow and a shrug and not even a word about drinking spirits before noon.

Isaac left the bar twice. Once to go to the bathroom and once to call Sophia after he realized he had a missed call. When he was in the bathroom, Tommy ordered two more drinks, pouring the double shots in to a glass of coke and getting rid of the empty glasses. When Isaac went to make his call, Tommy knew he had more time, so he ordered a couple of shots and drank them back straight, skipping the mixer. He loved how in fancy hotels, as long as you were paying, nobody even looked at you funny for drinking jack like it was water on a hot day. By the time they left the bar, he had a nice buzz going. His stomach full of jack and not much else. He wasn’t all that sober, but years of coming home to his parents after a case of beer when he’d promised he’d only have one drink had trained him well, so he had no problem faking sober. Keeping quiet made it easier as well, Isaac commented that he seemed tired, but that was all.

They met up with Monte, Neil, and the dancers for lunch. Adam was still busy with Lane doing interviews. Cam found them before they had ordered, holding a bottle of champagne she had ordered on the way in, declaring that they should celebrate how well the tour was going. Tommy accepted a glass, but passed over the menu. Claimed he was too hung over and tired to eat, not wanting to explain the real reason why he wasn’t hungry. He stole a few of Monte’s fries when he grumbled about booze and no food even though Tommy was pretty sure they though he had eaten breakfast, only Sutan knew for certain that he’d only had juice. He forced the small amount of food down between sips of champagne, hoping he wouldn’t be sick again.

Sitting at a table with Taylor didn’t help. He wasn’t pissed at the young dancer, well, not really. He wasn’t mad that he was supposed to be straight, but had fucked Adam. Wasn’t like Tommy hadn’t done the same thing. He was angrier that Taylor had managed to keep his head clear about it, he was practically a kid and he clearly had not got stars in his eyes over sleeping with Adam. Taylor wasn’t hurt, he was smiling and happy, clearly having the time of his life on tour. He hadn’t let fucking Adam fuck with his head and Tommy envied him for that reason alone.

He wasn’t jealous, even though Taylor had been with someone. Tommy hadn’t wanted for himself. He thought jealousy would probably be quiet normal in this situation, but it just hadn’t hit him yet. It had been present for a seconded when he had watched Taylor kiss Adam, but then it had disappeared as he realized Adam had never been his. He didn’t own Adam; they weren’t boyfriends, jealousy and possessiveness were not what he felt towards Adam. He just felt hurt, let down, almost like he’d been just another notch in Adam’s bedpost and he felt stupid for ever thinking he could be more than that to Adam.

Tommy spent the day smiling and nodding, acting like his world was perfect and he was having a great time. No one called bullshit, so he was proud of his acting abilities, maybe he was right and a few drinks, could help him hold it all together until he was really fixed. He figured time and distance might work, but he couldn’t get distance right now, so he was mainly focusing on getting through the show then going back to his room and drinking till he passes out.

He knew there was a saying about the best laid plans of mice and men going wrong, but he hadn’t really got it till it was his plan of faking being alright till he could go pass out, get fucked up. They were all back stage again in their costumes ready to perform to a screaming crowd. Sutan had already touched up his makeup so that he looked pretty and hickey free. None of that was a problem, it was Adam. The singer was always busy before a show, but just being around him set Tommy’s teeth on edge. Then his own mind started playing games with him. Every time he heard Adam’s voice, he flashed back to the night before until the words whore, slut and fucking tight rang in his ears. When Terrance lit up before they even hit the stage, Tommy went over, knowing he’d get offered a hit. When he offered a beer to go with it, Tommy could have kissed him. He was aiming to drown out Adam’s voice in his head by getting good and wasted.

He caught Adam staring at him at one point and noticed the joint in his hand, looks like everyone was getting high again. That had worked out so well before Adam had said they should stay sober around each other and right now that pissed Tommy off. They were adults, they shouldn’t blame a little booze on acting stupid. As they went out on stage, instead of feeling awed at the size of the crowd, overwhelmed by their support, Tommy felt pissed off. He was suddenly so angry at Adam. How dare he not make it clear that is was just a fuck? He made Tommy feel like a used stupid slut and got to be completely unaffected by it all? That wasn’t fair, Adam should hurt to. Tommy wanted him to feel even a shred of the pain he was feeling and as he picked up his bass, careful not to throw his balance off with the added weight, he resolved that he would get Adam to feel a little of what he was feeling.

He was glad he knew all the songs so well, between the booze, the pot, and the rage pumping threw his system, he could hardly see straight. He was playing, mainly from muscle memory. The crowds were screaming like mad which as usual fired Adam up, he was in full rockstar mode, strutting around the stage. A fan threw a feather bower and he put it on. Tommy almost laughed at how care free Adam seemed. Then he remembered how Adam had made a big deal about him keeping stuff the night before and what the truth had lead to, he shouldn’t be feeling so damn happy, not when Tommy felt like his heart had been stomped on.

He wanted to scream when Adam put the bower on him. But he played along, kept up all the normal stage play even though he couldn’t really meet Adam’s glassy stoned eyes. He probably wouldn’t be able to read much, but he didn’t want to read anything. He didn’t want to know how Adam was feeling. He played his bass, played the part of pretty kitty and he smoked what the dancers gave him.

He was high as a kite by the time they left the stage, half the band giggling like naughty children, they were so blitzed. They had lit up so often on stage, the front row of the audience was probably high. Tommy grabbed a beer with Monte, letting the other man talk music, but keeping his eyes on Adam. They went out to sign stuff for the fans, but they didn’t stay long. Nobody thought it was smart, considering all the booze and weed being passed around. Soon, they were in cars, heading back to the hotel. Tommy made sure he was sitting next to Adam, pressing against the other man’s side, but he didn’t talk to him. He pretended to be fascinated by Isaac’s talk on the perfect sandwich even though he knew it was just drunken bullshit. A part of him loved feeling Adam close again and craved the contact while the rest of him knew it was stupid. Right now, he loved and hated the same person. It was messing him the hell up.

Half the Glamily disappeared before they were even through the hotel lobby, yelling about it being the last night in Amsterdam and clubbing. Tommy shook his head when they asked him to come. Adam wasn’t going. He, like the other half of the Glamily, wanted to make the most of a hotel night to sleep in a real bed, in a real room. They were on the buses again tomorrow for a while.

He got in the elevator with Cam, Terrance and Adam. He kept to the back, kept his mouth shut, while the others chatted, he tuned them out. His skin felt like it was buzzing he was so tense. His night with Adam on a loop in his head, edited randomly to include the image of Adam and Taylor kissing. He was too busy wondering if Adam had called Taylor a little cock slut to notice Cam and Terrance getting out of the elevator.

“They said goodbye. Why are you being a moody shit to them?” Adam asked and Tommy had never been more tempted to hit him in his stupidly pretty face. He could almost feel the impact, the crushing feeling of a nose breaking. He had to force his hand to open up, noticing the nail marks in his hand from were he’d clenched his fist so tight.

“I didn’t notice. I’m not being moody with them,” Tommy hissed.

“Well, you’re acting like a bitch,” Adam muttered. His pupils were blown, Tommy wondered briefly just how stoned the singer was before he decided he didn’t give a fuck and he pushed him. Flat palms hit a broad chest and size difference aside Tommy was pretty scrappy and he managed to make Adam stumble backwards.

“Shut the fuck up, Lambert,” Tommy growled out. He wanted to hurt Adam, make him bleed, make him feel used. He thought Tommy was a slut, only good enough for sex, not a relationship, not even the morning after. He wanted Adam to feel like sex was all he meant to Tommy even though it wasn’t true because right now, Adam had the upper hand. He had sex with a man he was attracted to it, had been nothing but a fun ride with a friend. Tour sex to keep him going till he could find someone real. Tommy was in love, he had lost his virginity to a man he was in love with. They weren’t remotely on the same boards or even playing the same game. Tommy wanted things to be level with them again.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Adam yelled, getting in his face. Tommy refused to let the fear he felt in. Sure, he was trapped in a small space with a huge gay looming over him, yelling in his face, but even drunk and high, Adam wouldn’t hurt him. Well, he wouldn’t hurt him physically anyway. He’d proven to be pretty good at the other kinds of hurt lately.

“Get out of my face,” Tommy spat. He had never though when he met Adam that he’d end up wanting to hurt the guy, it made him want to cry a little and that just pissed him off. He was done crying over Adam.

“No, not till you explain why you’re being like this. You fucking pushed me, Tommy!” Adam yelled and then he was shoving Tommy hard in the chest. He stumbled back, hitting the elevator wall. He just caught himself in time and almost landed on his ass. He glared at Adam who was standing there, arms still out, mouth hanging open like he couldn’t quiet believe what he had just done.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” Adam began, but Tommy cut him off. He didn’t want to hear it. He though maybe he really was going to hit Adam when he came forward. But instead, he smashed their faces together in a kiss ten times more violent than any he had ever shared with Adam and a hell of a lot rougher than he had ever been with a girl.

When Adam didn’t open up to him right away, Tommy bit his lip hard enough to make it bleed. When he gasped, Tommy took the opportunity to slip his tongue in the other man’s mouth. The shows always turned him on, being hurt by Adam had apparently not lessened the way his body reacted to him. Only Tommy wasn’t planning on being a fuck toy or a fuck buddy. This would be the last time. It could be payback, he could level things like he wanted by just using Adam for his pleasure.

Strong arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer as they kissed roughly, all spit, teeth, and tongue clashing and fighting for dominance. Adam tasted like weed, booze, salty sweat and a little coppery blood. If he’d been wearing lip-gloss, Tommy couldn’t taste it over the rest. He knew his own gloss would be something sweet, Sutan always used sweet flavoured stuff on him, but today he hadn’t even noticed it. The only thing he had tasted was the jack.

The elevator doors pinged and Tommy drew back a little. He didn’t want to look at Adam, so he licked the man’s neck, sucking hard behind his ear.

“Fuck, Tommy! We have to move it, we can’t stay here. What the hell are we doing anyway?” Adam asked, but his fingers were digging tight in to Tommy’s skin and he was rock hard. His dick pressing into Tommy, so he clearly knew what they were doing.

“Shut the fuck up and take me to your room,” He said, pulling away and walking out of the elevator. Adam followed, he knew he would. Who was going to turn down an easy fuck with someone they were attracted to? It wasn’t going to be the same, Adam was mad at him. Maybe for the shove, probably for the shove, but whatever, it had been a dick move but Adam pushed him back so it was fair. They were both angry, but Tommy had heard angry sex was awesome, so it worked for him.

They didn’t talk on there way to Adam’s room which was good. There was nothing he wanted to say, anything he said now would probably lead to him getting kicked out of the band. He’d already told his boss to shut the fuck up, he hoped if this shit did get him fired that he could get another music job. He didn’t want to go back to the call center after touring. It was probably a sign of how far things had come, how messed up they were that Tommy wasn’t trying to make sure he didn’t loose the job he loved.

Adam missed the slot when he was trying to put the key card in twice, looked like they were both pretty drunk. Not being able to open a door properly seems like one of those things that only happened on TV until you started drinking and you realized that, yeah you could get so drunk that even a simple everyday task became difficult.

Th second they were in the room, Tommy jumped Adam again, pushing him against the door till it slammed shut under the impact. The sound was loud enough that the people in the room next door would probably complain if they were in. Tommy didn’t care and he certainly didn’t give a fuck that the impact probably hurt Adam’s back.

The card key got dropped and Adam’s huge hands were gripping at him roughly, pulling at him. There mouth’s fussed together, their kisses having lost none of there earlier roughness. Tommy rubbed his body against Adam’s. He couldn’t get enough of the feel of his body. So hard, strong, it got him hot being the smaller one. Even as he was pushing against Adam, he was longing to be the one who was pinned.

“Tommy,” Adam panted against his lips, one hand cradling his skull too gently. This wasn’t lovemaking. Tommy knew that now, so why did Adam have to try and make it feel that way. It messed him up, he didn’t like it.

“How many times do I have to tell you to shut the fuck up before you listen?” Tommy asked, palming Adam’s dick through his jeans. The other man groaned at the contact, his arms wrapping around Tommy and lifting him. If he didn’t want to get dropped on his ass, he had to wrap his legs around his waist. He did, but he wasn’t happy about it.

“Don’t treat me like a fucking girl,” Tommy snarled, biting into Adam’s shoulder and the fucker yelped and dropped him.

“Stop acting like a bitch and I won’t treat you like one,” Adam responded, which really pissed him off, especially after the night before. He'd acted like a slut the night before and had been treated like one.

“Go to hell,” Tommy said, getting to his feet. He shoved Adam again.

“I swear to god if you keep pushing me, I will make you regret it,” Adam said through clenched teeth.

“Do it. Make me regret it.” More than he already regretted everything between them, his heart and head were fucked up. Might as well go for break and destroy their friendship as well. It wasn’t like it could ever be the same as it had been anyways.

Adam got close, getting in his face and grabbed a handful of his hair, yanking on it hard enough to really hurt. He held Tommy in place and kissed him hard, his tongue fucking into his mouth. It was rough and full of passion, pure sex, not even a hint of gentle or tender feelings. His drunk and stoned brain thought it was perfect, his stupid heart was whimpering that it was all wrong. Tommy decided to listen to his impulses and pressed harder into Adam, trying to get some friction on his hard dick. He wanted this, he did. Fuck love, fuck caring about people, this felt just as good it did.

He didn’t know when he lost his shirt, just knew that once he realized it was gone, he decided to pull off Adam’s. He didn’t have the patience for undoing all the buttons, so he just tugged, tearing till buttons flew across the room, hitting the floor with little tapping sounds. While Adam gaped in shock, Tommy finished getting the shirt off of him.

“What the hell? Do you know how much that cost?” Adam asked, his eyes flashing with anger, but still dark with lust.

“Do you really think I give a fuck?” Tommy asked, dropping to his knees in front of Adam. He got a hand on the other man’s zipper, pulling it down. He yanked at the denim till it reached about mid thigh. Adam was going commando, it reminded him of the other man’s comment about his own lack of underwear the night before but he pushed that away. He wrapped one hand around the base and without really thinking about it, leant forward and licked at the head.

He was unsteady even on his knees, so he put his free hand against Adam’s hip, grip tight enough to bruise. He licked again, a teasing light touch of his tongue. He smirked and gave another kitten like lick, pretty kitty his ass. The taste wasn’t as bad as he though it might be, he’d tasted his own cum before, so the salty pre come wasn’t something he was totally unfamiliar with, but he’d though maybe he might find the taste of a dick too weird to handle. He licked again and heard Adam hiss above him.

“Come on… stop being such a cock tease. I swear to god, I will not keep putting up with you playing games,” Adam growled, one of his hands pressing lightly at the base of his skull.

“Keep right on swearing to god, it doesn’t mean shit to me. I don’t believe in god,” Tommy snapped right back. He hadn’t played any damn games. He didn’t know what Adam was going on about, didn’t care. He flicked his tongue over the tip of Adam’s cock, keeping the kiss just as teasing as before.

His mouth was still open though, so Adam tightened his grip, wrapping his fingers into Tommy’s hair until he thought it might pull out and thrust forward. Tommy almost choked when Adam’s cock filled his mouth, stretching his lips wide. He tried to cover his teeth even though a part of him wanted to bite Adam to teach him a lesson. Adam pulled out a little his next thrust shallower, gentler.

“Please… suck me, your mouth feels incredible,” Adam panted. It was like he was coaching him through his first blowjob, all reassuring and shit, just like he’d been with the sex. That wasn’t how things were supposed to go this time.

“No, fuck my mouth,” Tommy said, holding onto Adam with both hands now. He could hardly keep himself up as it was without Adam thrusting.

Adam moaned and pushed back in his mouth. Tommy tried to suck while Adam thrust, he wasn’t sure he was doing that well, but Adam didn’t seem to be complaining. His jaw ached and he had spit running down to his chin, but he was hard in his jeans, turned on by the rough treatment. Whenever it seemed like Adam was holding back, Tommy would grab at him his ass or hips and pull the other man towards him. He scratched at the exposed skin of Adam’s hips and stomach, making pink and red lines appear. The rougher he was, the rougher Adam got with him until he was thrusting so hard, Tommy thought his lip was going to split. He choked a little when Adam hit the back of his throat too hard and pushed away, gasping for breath. He was practically doubled over when Adam helped him to his feet, rubbing at his back to help him breath.

“Fuck off, are we going to go to bed or not?” Tommy asked, whipping at the spit on his jeans and the tears from were his face had watered when he gagged.

“Yeah, come on.” Adam pushed off his jeans and toed off his shoes, stepping out of both, then he grabbed Tommy’s arm trying to lead him to the bedroom, but Tommy pulled his arm back.

“I can walk by myself,” Tommy snarled.

Adam grabbed both of his upper arms roughly, and dragged him in close till their chests were touching. The kiss that was landed on him was hot and wet and now Tommy knew he didn’t taste of gloss anymore, but Adam’s cum. There was something stupidly hot about that and he melted into the kiss.

“Mmm… that’s better kitty, show me how much you like it,” Adam purred against his lips.

Tommy tried to swing for him, cocky asshole thought he was the shit or something and Tommy knew what he was thinking, that Tommy was a slut for him just like he’d said before. He didn’t get far though; the iron grip Adam still had on his arm’s stopped him from even raising his arm.

“You want to hit me, Tommy Joe? Fuck you, get over it, you like to bottom, you like men and sucking dick. Stop being an asshole about it,” Adam growled, tightening his grip till Tommy could feel the bones in his arms grinding together.

“Fuck me? Fuck you, let go of me. I’m an asshole? Eat shit, Adam. I don’t need this or you. I can get laid without this shit,” Tommy snarled. He didn’t need Adam, he could find a guy. It might not even end up on Twitter, he wasn’t that famous. He didn’t want anyone else though, he just wanted Adam to think he could walk away from this.

“You’re such a little shit.” Adam told him, kissing him hard, and letting go of one of his arms in favor of grabbing his dick. Tommy bucked into the contact, hating his body for responding more strongly to Adam than it did to anyone else.

He let Adam half drag half carry him into the bedroom and throw him down on the bed. Adam, who was still standing, grabbed his legs. First, his shoes were pulled off, and then his jeans were tugged off and thrown to the floor. Adam stared at him for a moment, clearly turned on and pissed off all at once. Tommy didn’t like having those blue eyes on him, they made him feel venerable. He didn’t want Adam to see anything but lust and anger. He’d kept a mask in place all day long, he didn’t want to blow it now and see the hurt, the shame, or any of the rest of the shit he was feeling. He sure as shit didn’t want Adam to realize he was in love with him. He rolled over, getting up on his hands and knees. He glanced back at Adam, hoping he’d get the hint.

“You look so hot, baby,” Adam said, getting up on the bed behind him. He pushed his ways between Tommy’s legs, the roughness still there. It turned Tommy on at the same time as it made the shattered pieces of his heart turn to dust.

“Not your baby. Cut that shit out,” Tommy snapped, turning his head so that he was facing forward with a view of the bed, not even a hint of Adam in his line of sight.

Adam slapped his ass hard, making the skin sting and burn, but he didn’t say anything. He wrapped an arm around his waist, the fingers on his other hand trailing down between his ass cheeks. After a teasing brush, they were gone again. Tommy was about to cuss Adam out when the fingers reappeared in front of his face.

“Suck them,” Adam demanded, voice rough from lust.

Tommy did, mimicking the sucking and licking from earlier when he had been on his knees sucking Adam’s cock like the whore they both knew he was. He knew Adam recognized the movements by the way he groaned, thrusting his cock against Tommy’s ass.

“So good at that, baby,” Adam panted.

“Stop calling me that! How many times do I have to repeat it before it sinks in? I’m not your anything,” Tommy said, pulling back from the fingers.

“Let’s see if you’re still saying that when you’re begging for my dick like you did last night. You were a whore for it, stop pretending you don’t love everything I do to you,” Adam hissed, thrusting two fingers straight into him, the spit just lessening the burn.

He didn’t want to hear Adam say love in any context, let alone in bed. It hurt too much, so Tommy racked his brain for something hurtful to say. He knew enough about Adam that it should be easy, but hurting the other man didn’t come naturally to him.

“You’re just a convenient fuck. Don’t think anything I said meant shit,” Tommy said, fucking himself back on Adam’s hand, feeling like a spiteful little bitch. He knew Adam had issues with being an experiment, with not being wanted long term. He’d gone for the jugular and probably struck a direct hit, one night stands or not, Adam was the settling down type, he wouldn’t like being called convenient. Tommy figured he had managed to hurt Adam when the grip at his hip became so tight that it was past the point of pleasure pain and into real pain. He added another finger too, not edging it in, just shoving three in hard and fast. It burned and Tommy bit his lip to keep in a whimper.

“That all you got? Come on, rockstar… fuck me,” Tommy taunted, hating himself even as the words left him.

“I’ll show you what I’ve got, you fucking cunt,” Adam snarled.

Suddenly the fingers were gone and Adam was lining up. He pushed in with one quick thrust, no lube, no condom, and if he thought three fingers had burned that way, well this was ten times that burn. Tommy dropped forward, his arms flat on the bed; he buried his head in his arms. This had been what he wanted, to get fucked. Sure, Adam had fucked him last night, but Tommy had though it was making love then. He wanted them to both have sex, knowing it meant nothing to the other person. He didn’t want Adam to think it was more to Tommy, he was already so smug about it, so confident about being wanted. He shouldn’t get to feel like that.

When Adam didn’t even wait before thrusting, just slammed into him, one hand on his hip, the other reaching under his body to grab his dick which was some how still hard despite the pain, Tommy thought he might be in over his head here. He’d pushed Adam, tried to hit him, called him names, rejected any attempts at affection, and purposely hit Adam were it hurt the most using insecurities Adam had confined in him because they were friends. Tommy doubted Adam would want his friendship after this.

Even though he knew things were beyond fucked up, he made no move to fix them because there was some hurt part of himself, fuelled by booze, that seemed happy with tearing everything to shreds. A horrible dark part of him that he hadn’t even known existed, was happy with causing Adam this much pain. It felt like it was what Adam had coming to him after stomping on his heart, but he knew it wasn’t right really. Doing this to a friend would not make him feel better, it would just hurt them both.

Adam thrust into him hard and fast, his hand matching the pace of his hips. They didn’t kiss or look at each other; it was completely different from the first time. It couldn’t be mistaken as anything other than sex. Adam used the grip on his hip to pull him back into his body and Tommy kept his hips and ass up, his face down in his arms. He muffled the pained whimpers and the moans of pleasure alike in his arms; he didn’t want Adam to hear either sound.

He had no idea how long it lasted, but was aware when Adam’s thrust started becoming erratic jerky still hitting his prostate most of the time, but with no rhythm. The hand at his dick sped up as well, thumb rubbing at the head, pulling every trick he had to have picked up from the two other times they had been in bed together. Suddenly, Adam’s hand left his hip, slipping to his chest, pulling him up till he was up on his knees, only Adams arm keeping him up, fingers tweaking his nipples hard, his mouth on to Tommy’s neck.

He felt the fire building in his veins, heat pooling low in his stomach and then, Adam bit him hard in the back of his neck. Tommy sank his nails into the arm keeping him up as he came hard over himself and the sheets. He felt Adam’s hips stutter and then he felt Adam cumming inside of him. There was a low moan that was cut off when Adam bit him again, his shoulder this time, the pain made him shudder.

And then it was over, the room was quiet apart from the combined sound of them panting; it seemed too quiet without all the sex noises. Tommy didn’t want to turn around to look at the man who was inside of him, in more ways than one. He had fucked up so badly this time. He didn’t know how he would fix this. Adam pulled out slowly and Tommy bit the inside of his cheek to keep from hissing in pain. The bed dipped and moved as Adam moved away from him.

“I need to clean up. Wait here, okay? We’ll talk,” Adam said. His voice soft, all that anger from before seemed gone now, like it had all been burned out by the sex. Used up in damaging each other, both physically and emotionally. Adam hovered for a seconded when Tommy didn’t say anything and didn’t even turn to face him, but eventually there was a click as the bathroom door closed.

Tommy jumped up off the bed and almost fell. Fuck, the pain, it was worse than it had been his first time. This wasn’t an ache, a reminder, it was real pain. He felt dizzy as well, which wasn’t really a shock, with all he’d drank especially factoring in the lack of food. Tommy ignored his discomfort and pulled on his jeans, trying not to stare at the bruises already blooming on his hip. He slipped on his shoes and hurried out of the bedroom as fast as he could, even though he was kind of limping. He didn’t bother looking for his shirt, pulling on Adam’s button less one instead when it caught on his foot. He covered himself as best he could and then fled.

He’d always planned to leave after the sex, but before, it had been about hurting Adam. Part of the plan to make him feel used, now, he just had to get out. He couldn’t face Adam, didn’t want to have to even face himself. Whatever talk Adam wanted to have couldn’t be good and Tommy already felt like he was going to break down. When he’d had the bright idea to have hate sex with Adam, to hurt the other man he’s stupidly missed, an important factor, it was pretty hard to have hate sex with someone you were in love with. Hurting Adam didn’t make him feel good, it just hurt.

He made it to his room without running into anyone and went straight to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and stripping off his rumpled clothes. He needed to clean up; he could feel Adam’s cum wet between his thighs as it leaked out of him. He grabbed some tissue to wipe the worst away before he jumped in the shower. He froze after the first wipe showed cum streaked threw with blood. He was bleeding. His brain couldn’t even process the idea of Adam making him bleed that way.

On shaky legs, he made his way to the shower, standing under the hot spray, and feeling frozen when his legs gave out and he ended up crumbling to the shower floor. He didn’t even attempted to get up and turn the water off, he just sat there letting it hit his aching body. The shock of what had happened finally wore off, and what he had done hit him full force. The first sob hurt his throat as it forced its way out of his throat, but after that, they came easily. It wasn’t like anyone could hear him, so he sat in the shower sobbing until his throat felt raw and his eyes were puffy. He made himself get up then turning the water off he stumbled over to the towel rail and wrapped himself up. He managed to get to the bedroom, but he didn’t want to be in bed let alone in a bed where he had slept with Adam, so he curled up in the sofa. He'd grabbed his phone on the way in and he quickly dialed a familiar number.

“Sutan, it’s not okay, I’m sorry I lied, but it’s not okay. I lied and I love him, but he hates me now. He thinks I’m a slut and I’ve fucked up,” Tommy slurred into the phone, which confused him how had no one noticed he was this drunk? Maybe the fact that they were as well had helped with that.

“Tommy… Hun, are you drunk? You sound like you’ve been crying. I’m kind of scared… are you in your room… can I come to you?” Sutan asked, sounding alert and panicked.

“I shouldn’t drag you out in the middle of the night. Fuck… please, come… I don’t know what to do,” Tommy said, feeling his breath hitch. His body hurt and he felt hollowed out, his insides raw. He’d hurt Adam. They’d hurt each other. How could they ever get back from that?

Sutan stayed on the line, talking comforting nonsense instead of asking him questions. Even as out of it as he was, he knew he owed Sutan big for that. It was probably the only thing keeping him sane. He hung up when he heard Sutan knocking and went to let him in.

The look Sutan gave him made it obvious how much of a train wreck he looked. Tommy didn’t know. He hadn’t dared look at himself in the mirror when he’d been in the bathroom. Sutan closed the door without looking away from him. His eyes were wide and shocked looking. It made Tommy feel self conscious, so he dropped his eyes to the floor. He didn’t know if this had been a good idea, letting Sutan see how low he had stooped.

“Hey, none of that,” Sutan said softly, tipping his head back up with one hand and then pulling him in to a hug. Tommy dropped his head again, burying his face against Sutan’s chest. He started sobbing again, so hard that it shook his small frame.

“Oh Tommy, what happened?” Sutan asked, petting his hair with one hand and stroking his back with the other, trying to sooth him.

Tommy couldn’t get words out through the tears. He let Sutan steer him to one of the sofas and curled up with the other man. He kept his face hidden in Sutan’s chest and cried. He’d thought his heart had been broken already, now he knew it was beyond repair. The pieces had been left scattered all over Adam’s bedroom floor.


	6. Morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part six of the Are you nervous verse? They’ve talked but it leads to more problems than they started with. Can they fix things or is the damage irreversible?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.   
> This verse started out as a fill over at Glam kink and has now turned into a verse.   
> As I’ve said before seen as this is fiction it doesn’t always follow real life time tables and I will be making stuff up to suit my purpose, mainly because in real life the people in this fic tend not to be naked all the time. Adam only this chapter.

Adam POV

He doesn’t understand how he got to this point. He’d woken up in bed with Tommy and he’d been so fucking happy. He was in love with the blonde and was finally going to get to tell him. He’d been in love with Tommy for so long, but when he’d though he was straight, he’d never even dreamed they could be together. Wet dreams totally didn’t count. He’d been lying there trying not to do some sort of spazzy happy dance when Taylor texted him.

He’d gone to meet the youngest member of the glamily. A few weeks before, an ex-girlfriend of Taylor’s had contacted him. She had pictures and a tape and she was planning on going to the press. Taylor had come to him panicked and in tears; the sort of scandal this girl was threatening to cause could have been a career ender. Adam had talked to a good lawyer for Taylor and found a surprisingly easy solution to the problem. Taylor had been under eighteen when he dated the girl, if she released the photos or the video, she could be charged with distributing child porn. Taylor had wanted to meet to tell him the girl had handed everything over, he was happy, had thanked Adam with a cute kiss to the cheek. Adam had been so pleased for Taylor, happy that the girl hadn’t managed to blackmail him or damage his career.

After he’d finished talking to Taylor, he’d gone back to Tommy’s room. He had a few ideas about how they could spend their morning, but nobody had been in, so he’d gone to breakfast. When Tommy came in with Sutan and Adam had noticed all the hickey’s had magically disappeared, he frowned. Not to mention, Tommy hadn’t even looked at him, he’d been dragged away for interviews before he could even get a chance to talk to Tommy. By the show that night, it was pretty clear he was being ignored though. He was so pissed, Tommy had said he was Bi , he wasn’t some straight boy experimenting. Tommy shouldn’t be freaking out the morning after, sleeping together had practically been his idea. Adam had been feeling hurt and like he’d been played, so maybe he drank a little too much and used more pot than he should have when performing, but he wasn’t that high or drunk. He could still remember everything including the cluster fuck the night turned into.

He’d been pushy on stage, he wanted to force contact, and it was petty, but he hated being ignored. Then there’d been the car ride, all sexual tension and burning anger. He’d been mad at himself for letting Tommy play him, like he was some test run for his sexuality, even though Tommy had gotten pissed at him for thinking that before, clearly he had been right. He hated that all he could think of with Tommy close by was how pretty he was, how hot it had been.

Things had gotten progressively worse once they’d been alone. Sitting alone in his room, sobering up, Adam didn’t know how they’d gotten from the sweet sex of the night before to the rough fuck tonight. They had both been so hateful and hurtful. He couldn’t believe the things they had said to each other, the way they had acted. He was drunk and high, but that wasn’t him, he was never like that. And Tommy, laid back Tommy, had shoved and sworn at him. He didn’t recognize either of them in the events of the last few hours. That wasn’t them, never had been. They were best friends, even when they disagreed, it never got that ugly.

Adam knew he needed to talk to Tommy, ask what the fuck was going on, but he wanted to be more sober first, totally clear headed, so he made himself take a nap. He lay down and managed to sleep even though the smell of sex and Tommy on his sheets made him want to cry. He wakes up with his body aching, the sex was rough and the booze isn’t helping his body feel any better. Tommy had been drinking to, Adam had tasted whisky on his tongue, and he’s probably feeling just as bad, maybe worse, the sex was rougher on him. Adam winces in guilt and goes to try and make himself look human. He wants to talk to Tommy as soon as possible, but he cannot risk getting caught on camera looking awful, Lane and Neil will bitch him out if that happens, maybe Monte as well.

Looking as good as he thinks he’s going to manage, he leaves his room. He knows it’s early and he should probably call Tommy, but he doesn’t think the blonde would answer right now, even if for some reason he didn’t notice his caller I.D, he would hang up on Adam the seconded he spoke. Sure, he can slam his door in Adam’s face, but he’s not likely to want to risk Adam yelling their business through the door, not that he would, but the threat might work. He doesn’t like the idea of threatening Tommy, but if it’s the only way of getting him to listen, he’ll do it.

He’s almost at Tommy’s room when he spots Sutan, and boy does he look pissed. His long time friend and makeup artist is practically storming towards him. Adam opens his mouth to say something, but promptly forgets it when Sutan slaps him hard across the face with an open palm. His cheek stinging, Adam stares at the other man stunned, Sutan is completely against violence, hates it, so for him to slap someone he has to be beyond pissed off.

“What the fuck?” Adam blurts.

“I could ask you the same thing. What the hell were you thinking? How many times are you going to mess up when it comes to that boy? He practically worships you and you treat him like this?” Sutan rants at him, clearly no calmer having hit him.

“Worship? Really? That’s why he ignores me after anything happens between us? You were there at breakfast, he acted like nothing had happened worse, he acted like I wasn’t even in the room. That’s not my fault,” Adam snapped right back. He knew he shouldn’t have fucked Tommy last night, they were angry, they should have talked, but this wasn’t all on him.

“Oh and he was what, supposed to feel good about waking up alone? Finding you in Taylor’s arms like one pretty straight boy’s not enough? You used to care about people, Adam. When Tommy made out that nothing was wrong yesterday, I half believed him, because you don’t hurt people or use them. I’ve never seen you do that, but then he tells me about Taylor. God, when he called me to his room last night it was pretty obvious nothing had been okay.” Sutan gives him a look almost like he feels betrayed because Adam isn’t the man he though he was. Adam’s about to ask what the hell him meeting up with Taylor has to do with anything, but Sutan starts talking again and the words make him completely forget everything that came before.

“You have no idea how mad I was when I went to him and found him crying and bleeding.” Sutan shakes his head like he can hardly believe it, Adam can hardly believe it either, he’s starting to feel sick.

“Bleeding? He was bleeding? From what?” He desperately wants it to be from a scratch or a bite, they had torn at each other’s bodies, and he has some marks himself.

“As well as from the cuts, I think you know were I mean. You didn’t even use a condom! How can you be so irresponsible? And the bruises? It looks like you beat him up. I was convinced you had before he explained.” Sutan crosses his arms over his chest. Adam’s never felt so small in his whole life. Sutan, one of his closest friends, is looking at him with something close to disgust and Tommy, his bestfriend, the man he’s in love with, he fucked him so hard, he bled. He doesn’t know if he has the words to fix that, he’s not sure there are words that can fix that.

“Shit, why didn’t he say anything last night? Why didn’t he tell me I was hurting him?” Adam had let Tommy goad him into being rougher than he should have been, especially with someone who was practically a virgin when it came to men. Rough could be fun, but he hadn’t even been careful, but Tommy hadn’t given any sign’s of being in pain when they’d been together.

“He was drunk and high! He’d been drinking all day and he was upset. Stupid boy wasn’t even thinking straight and you hurt him, Adam. I’ve never seen you do that to a person.” Sutan looks disappointed in him, and that cuts pretty deep.

A door opens and Adam quickly realizes its Tommy’s door. Clearly Sutan had been on his way to see Tommy again, had probably only left him to get ready to leave on the buses that morning. He looks awful, his eyes are swollen from crying, and he looks pale, sort of like he has the flu. He’s mainly covered up, but Adam can see a mark anywhere skin is on show. Tommy looks fragile, something he never really looks, despite his slight frame. He’s hunched down, slouching and hiding in his hair and all Adam can think is “I did this” and it makes him feel like a monster.

“I can hear you both from inside. Which means, other people might too, so can you keep it down? The world doesn’t need to know I got fucked last night.” Tommy’s voice doesn’t sound right, its thick and scratchy were he’s been crying and it makes Adam’s chest feel that little bit tighter.

“Tommy, I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I would never make someone bleed on purpose, especially not like that, I hope you can believe that.” Adam has been with virgins before Tommy, and he’s not a small guy, but he never hurt any of them as far as he’s aware. He hates that the first person he’s hurt this way is Tommy, he would hate himself for hurting anyone that way, but the fact that it was Tommy, makes it worse. He loves Tommy, he’s a kind, loving friend and Adam fucked him raw till he bled, he cannot quite get passed that, to think of anything else.

“I don’t want to hear it, Adam. No more I’m sorry’s, no nothing. I just want to get on the bus and get on with the tour. I don’t want to talk about it, I’m done,” Tommy said, sounding scarily hollow.

Adam really wanted to explain himself, make sure Tommy knew he would never hurt him on purpose. But right now, he was worried that if he pushed the subject, Tommy might well leave. He didn’t like the sound of Tommy saying he was done, it sounded so final. He wasn’t going to drop it entirely, but maybe some stuff could wait until after breakfast, once they were on the bus.

“Okay, I’ll stop apologizing for now. Do you need space? During the shows and stuff? I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to. The fans won’t die if we don’t kiss,” Adam offered, he didn’t want to force himself physically on Tommy on any level, he never wanted to scare Tommy in anyway, certainly not physically or sexually.

“We stop and the fans will talk, Twitter will go mad. I just want things to be normal again, so just act like you did before all this, okay?” Tommy’s tone was firm, but he didn’t look Adam in the eye, which hurt more than he had thought it ever could.

“Alright, I’ll act like nothing ever happened. Should I still tell people you’re straight if they ask?” Adam sighed, they always asked about Tommy in interviews. Adam hoped he was a good enough actor that no one picked up that something was wrong between them when he talked about the bassist.

“Say I’m straight. I’ve not said anything about being Bi to my family, so I’d rather them not find out through some interview. There’s no reason for me to be out, so why bother with the drama? I’ll see you later,” Tommy said, just about glancing at him. No reason to come out, because he wasn’t with anyone. That shouldn’t hurt as much as it did. He’d hurt Tommy. Did he really expect him to want to have anything to do with him?

“Tommy, Hun, mind if I come in a second?” Sutan asks. All soft looks for Tommy and then daggers when he glances back at Adam. Well, he knows whose side Sutan’s on and it kind of hurts even though he’s been a jerk and he knows he deserves some anger. Sutan’s his friend, and he hasn’t even let Adam explain himself.

“Yeah sure,” Tommy nods and then he just turns and walks back into his room without another word or even a look to Adam. He’s just one leaving the door open for Sutan to follow.

“If you make him cry again, I will kick you in the balls,” Sutan says in a low voice as he reaches the doorway.

“I never meant to hurt him. I’m going to try my fucking best not to hurt him again. Not because I don’t want you to get mad at me, but because I hate myself for hurting him. I don’t ever want to see him looking this way again. Certainly not because of something I did,” Adam hisses. Tommy must have been really upset for Sutan to react this strongly. But then, Adam had guessed it must be bad the moment Sutan hit him, without even asking if it was true. Tommy wasn’t the type to lie and the blood and bruises were conformation enough. Proof that apparently, Adam had turned into an asshole. One who fucked up his own chances with the man he loved, he was a real catch, god, no wonder he was single.

“Just be careful with him, okay? He’s pretty banged up,” Sutan sighed, sounding tired and worried now, instead of pissed off.

“Fuck, I will. I promise.” He hated the idea of hurting Tommy more than he already had.

Sutan nodded and then went into Tommy’s room, shutting the door behind him. Adam dragged himself down to breakfast and tried not to act moody. It was a fight not to let his face fall when Sutan came down to breakfast alone. Isaac asked where Tommy was at one point and Adam hated that almost everyone glanced at him looking for an answer. He’d been attached at the hip with Tommy for so long, it wasn’t that surprising that they though he might know. He didn’t know how he was going to cope not being close to Tommy any more.

“I knocked for him. He’s going to get room service so he can nap longer. You know our little insomniac, didn’t get a wink of sleep, even in a nice hotel room. I think the poor think might be getting a cold as well,” Sutan said brightly, effectively covering a lot of questions that would have been brought up when the others saw Tommy.

Soon they were all piling onto the two buses. Adam wasn’t really surprised when Tommy and Sutan got on the opposite bus to him. He was disappointed though, he wanted to talk to Tommy, to try and fix things. He got that Tommy wouldn’t want to be with him now, but he didn’t want to lose their friendship as well, he couldn’t handle that. Tommy was special to him, had been even without the romantic feelings Adam had developed for him.

He spent most of the day sulking on the bus, pretending to be working. He went on Twitter a lot, mainly because he wanted to read nice tweets about himself as an ego boost. He loved his fans, loved that they loved him and as he currently felt like pond scum, it was nice to see that there were people who didn’t think badly of him. He also kept checking Tommy and Sutan’s feed’s in case either of them tweeted anything, but neither of them did. He just ended up feeling a little bit like a stalker.

They spent two days traveling for the next concert and during those two days, Tommy spoke less than a handful of words to him. Sutan was a little better, but not what you could call friendly. Monte was the first to notice something was up, but Adam acted like he didn’t know what the older man was on about. He didn’t think he had him fooled for a second, but Monte didn’t push him. He’d never been happier to arrive at a venue in his life. He was going crazy on the bus, he needed to get out, get on stage, act like it was all okay. Pretend some of his closet friends weren’t mad at him, fake that his heart wasn’t breaking. Fuck breaking, who was he kidding? It was already broken and it was his fault. He’d fucked up. When Tommy had ignored him, he should have made time to make the blonde talk to him. Whilst they’d been sober, then maybe everything might not have gone to hell.

Adam gets into costume before the show and then goes to Sutan to get his makeup done, it’s a little awkward, but he’d expected it to be a lot worse. He tries to relax under the familiar touches, he loves getting his makeup done by Sutan. The man is a genius when it comes to makeup. Normally he would love getting his makeup done; he’d be chatting away about nothing and everything getting amped up for the show. Tonight, he just sits there, only talking when he’s asked a question. It sucks.

He plasters on a smile and puts on his very best show face. He puts his usual effort into singing but he has to work harder on the performance, nothing feels right, it’s all out of balance. Even though he has permission to kiss Tommy, he decides not to push it, he drapes an arm over his shoulders during fever and lightly brushes his cheek with his lips. Enough for the fan’s to scream and go wild, enough that they won’t be asking why there were no Adommy moments, but hopefully not too much. He wants to show Tommy he respects him, that he cares about their friendship, and the blonde’s feelings. He didn’t want Tommy to think he’d used him physically just to entertain a crowd, especially when things weren’t good between them. The next few shows all go the same way. Monte asks him what’s going on again after the third show. Adam acts like he doesn’t know what his friend and musical director means, but Monte wasn’t born yesterday. He knows Adam’s lying, Adam just hopes he doesn’t go ask Sutan or Tommy about it. He’s not sure what they’ll say or how Monte will reacted.

He’s back stage after a show, getting ready to go sign stuff, some of the others are already out there, but Sutan, Tommy, Monte and Lane are all still in the room that had been set up back stage for them. It had been a good show, a great crowd, the audience was always amazing, but tonight’s crowd had seemed to really be into the music. They hadn’t stopped screaming. Adam had loved it and had managed to enjoy the show a lot more than he had been lately.

Adam’s looking into the mirror, removing some makeup that has run due to the fact he’d been sweating. He can see everyone as he works. Sutan is talking to Lane about something on the sofa, they’re both laughing. Monte is telling some sort of very animated story to Tommy, if all the arm waving is anything to go by. Adam thinks it might be about guitars.

“Hey, Tommy… man, are you listening?” Monte asks, voice rising with concern. It has Adam turning around just in time to see Tommy crash to the floor.

“Tommy,” Adam can’t hold in the gasp, before he manages to unfreeze his body, Monte is already crouched down by Tommy and Lane’s running off to see a doctor.

“What happened?” Sutan asks, looking pale with worry.

“I think he fainted,” Monte frowns.

Lane comes back with a doctor who asks them all to move back. Adam is surprised, but grateful when he feels Sutan’s hand take hold of his. He squeezes, trying to draw comfort from the touch as a middle age man prods at Tommy. He’s relived to see the bassist seems to be waking up even if he does seem groggy and out of it.

The doctor gets Tommy to lie down on the sofa and asks Lane to go get him some water, then he comes over to were Adam, Sutan and Monte are huddled.

“Is he going to be okay? Does he need to go to the hospital?” Adam asked, completely terrified that something might be seriously wrong with Tommy. He didn’t even notice he was sick, he really was a shitty friend.

“What he needs is to look after himself better. I know you all probably have a pretty hectic work schedule being on tour, but he’s making himself ill.” The doctor shook his head.

“I don’t understand,” Sutan frowned.

“He’s sleep deprived, isn’t eating enough, not enough water, and too much booze. Add into that a stressful job with long hours? It’s no wonder he fainted.” The doctor looks at them all almost as if he expects them all to fall to the floor as well.

Lane comes back in and perches beside Tommy, handing him the water and steadying the bottle when his hand shakes.

“If he keeps on going like this, he’ll burn out. Keep an eye on him,” The doctor orders. He goes over to Tommy and talks to him quietly before leaving. Tommy doesn’t say anything back, he just nods when he finishes.

“I’m going to go tell the others Tommy won’t be out to sign stuff and, sort out getting him to the bus.” Lane stands, ruffling Tommy’s hair affectionately. Anyone who knows her well can see the worry in the small lines that have formed around her eyes. Adam can see her trying to hide it.

“I’ll come with you.” Monte says giving Adam a look that pretty much makes it clear that he wants Adam to talk to Tommy. He’s not sure if he’s meant to be giving the talk as a boss or a friend, he can’t read that much from Monte’s look. Monte knows there having problems, so he probably wants him to use his authority as the boss to make sure Tommy looks after himself. Adam’s not sure people listen to a boss, who is covered in glitter, he’s sure that considerably lessens his authority over other adults.

He’s really glad that Sutan stays. Without really planning it, they both go over and get folding chairs and sit facing Tommy. He looks a little pale, but he’s a lot more alert now. Adam doesn’t know how they’ve all missed the fact that Tommy wasn’t eating or sleeping properly. Adam hadn’t even known he was drinking. But then, he clearly wasn’t the most observant when it came to Tommy, he hadn’t noticed how drunk he was the second time they slept together, hadn’t noticed the pain or the blood. He’d thought he’d failed to notice those sorts of things because he’d been drunk as well, but clearly, he just didn’t pay enough attention.

“Pumpkin, you mind telling me what the hell you think you’re doing to yourself?” Sutan started, the sweet nickname out of place when spoken in the almost angry tone, but Adam could tell by the way that Sutan was leaning forward to pet Tommy’s hair, that he wasn’t the least bit angry, just very worried. Like when a mother yelled at her kid for running off in a supermarket, it wasn’t out of anger, but from the fear that something bad had happened to there kid. Sutan, like Adam, had been terrified when Tommy passed out. Was still shaken up now, even with a doctor telling them why it had happened and how it could be fixed.

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” Tommy mutters, ducking his head so that he’s not looking at either of them, eyes hidden by his fringe.

“So, what? You just forgot to eat?” Adam asks. He knows his bassist, the tiny little fucker never stops eating normally. Adam’s spent half the tour trying to work out were it all goes.

“I just wasn’t hungry. I have a cold and my appetites been for shit. It’s why I’ve not been sleeping either,” Tommy says, trying to sit up a little, but he’s so weak and shaky he can hardly prop himself up and it breaks Adam’s heart.

“So, what? You though booze would make a good substitute for cold medicine? Last I heard, vodka doesn’t have any of the same properties as cough syrup,” Adam snorts. He can’t believe Tommy is lying to them both after scaring the shit out of him and Sutan. And worse, he can’t even look them in the eye, a sure sign that he’s lying through his teeth.

“Fuck off, Adam. It’s not like you care anyway,” Tommy spits out, struggling till he’s almost in a sitting position.

“Fuck me? Sure, if it makes you feel better. But do not give me that I don’t care bullshit. I know I’ve fucked up, I get that you hate me and that I hurt you, but I have never said I don’t care about you. It would be fucking easier if I didn’t, that’s for sure. I’m going to see Lane. You and Sutan are staying on my bus tonight. I don’t care if you ignore me all night, I’m watching you eat and watching you go to a bunk and get some sleep,” Adam snarls, standing up. He doesn’t want to yell or get mad, but he can’t take this. Tommy making himself ill is bad enough without him saying Adam doesn’t give a shit. Having someone you love say that is pretty much the last nail in the coffin, he’s given up hope that Tommy will ever even be his friend again.

Before he leaves, Tommy looks up blinking at Adam and looking confused like he doesn’t get what just happened.

“We’ll be there in a bit,” Tommy mumbles.

“Good, not that I was asking. I’m your boss, and I’m ordering you to take better care of yourself,” Adam snaps and then he storms out. He feels like a complete drama queen, but if he didn’t storm out, he’d have probably ended up doing something epicly stupid like crying or telling Tommy he still loved him even though the blonde hated him.

He gets to the bus without much drama and settles around a table with the dancers. He’s pleased to see Tommy appear. He’d half thought the bassist would ignore his order, despite saying he wouldn’t. Then again, Sutan has an arm around his waist, so he might not have been given much choice about which bus he got on. Sutan’s deceptively strong and Tommy’s about as fierce as a kitten right now. Somehow, Monte has been roped into carrying both men’s bags over. Probably Sutan’s work as well, he knows how to get his own way.

Sutan makes Tommy sit down first, so that he’s next to Brooke, before taking the seat on his other side. Trapping him or maybe making sure there enough eyes on him, that they can see what he eats and drinks. The dancers know Tommy has been unwell and make a fuss of him, especially the girls. Adam is glad, as it seems to relax Tommy a little. Food is brought in before the bus takes off, heading for a hotel in another place. Adams lost track, so he has no idea where, just that it’s not here.

“So, you’re not acting weird anymore, Taylor, so I’m gonna ask what was up with you?” Sasha asks bluntly as they eat.

“Oh… uh… sorry about that. I had an ex trying to cause me a lot of trouble. I was really stupid and it came back to bite me in the ass,” Taylor shrugged.

“You were not stupid, you trusted your girlfriend, that’s something you should be able to do. You didn’t know, couldn’t have known she’d turn out to be spiteful,” Adam argued, he wanted Taylor to be careful, to avoid getting hurt, but he didn’t want the kid to stop trusting people.

“Well, this sounds interesting, and why does Adam know, and we don’t?” Terrance asked, grinning.

Adam’s laugh over his friend being a total gossip was cut short when he noticed that Tommy was staring at him looking confused. Sutan looked just as confused, but he was watching Tommy, not Adam.

“Oh, Adam helped me fix it. Made sure the girl didn’t go to the press, so he knows all about it. I felt stupid so I didn’t mention it before, but I guess Adam’s right. Taking pictures and shit is risky, but it doesn’t make me an idiot. I just trusted the wrong person. I freaked out about it all, when Adam fixed it, I was so grateful I ended up hanging off him like a spider monkey,” Taylor laughed, as did most of the table. Apart from Tommy, who looked shocked. Sutan, who was trying to be subtle about nudging Tommy, and Adam himself. He was watching Tommy and remembering Sutan had mentioned Taylor when he’d yelled at him. Adam had forgotten, too distracted by the fact he’s made Tommy bleed.

Everyone chatted while they ate, but Tommy was really quiet, the others didn’t seem to question it, probably attributing his quietness to the fact that he wasn’t well. But Adam met Sutan’s eye across the table and the other man nodded discreetly, confirming that something was up.

He didn’t get a chance to say anything until after dinner. Most of the group had crowded around the television. Adam pointed to his room in the back, waiting for another nod from Sutan before he headed back there to wait. He was sitting on his bed when he heard voices on the other side of the door.

“You’re talking to him now. Stop being stubborn, you know you want to know what’s going on so in… now!” Sutan ordered, and clearly Tommy knew better than to argue, because the blonde walked through his door a second later, Sutan shutting it behind him.

“Um… you should sit. I won’t touch you, I promise,” Adam sighs, gesturing to the bed. He’d never of had to say that in the past. It hurts that they’ve lost the affection that was always so natural for them. He can’t remember the last time Tommy snuggled with him. He really misses it, not just having someone to cuddle with, but the way Tommy had cuddled him. They’d fit together perfectly and Adam’s arms ached to just pull Tommy into them, but he knew he couldn’t do that anymore. He’d lost that right when he hurt Tommy.

Tommy sits down, leaving a big gap between them, they didn’t use to need spaces. Adam hates that it’s something they have now, it sucks worse than losing any friend or lover ever has, including Brad and he hadn’t though he would get past that break up. Brad is one of his closest friends now, proving lovers can become friends, but that doesn’t mean the situation with Tommy will work out the same. He’d never once physically hurt Brad, let alone bad enough for someone to mistake marks left during sex for a beating as Sutan had done with Tommy.

“You went quiet when Taylor was talking about me helping him with his ex-girlfriend, and that morning after he slapped me, Sutan mentioned Taylor, and me being with him. What’s going on?” Adam asks, trying to keep calm. He’s just so confused and tired of not knowing what to do or say to make the shit storm he’s living in better.

“Sutan slapped you? He didn’t tell me that,” Tommy gasps. It is pretty shocking, considering Sutan’s views on violence.

“Yeah, he was really pissed at me. But what the hell does Taylor have to do with it?” Adam asked.

“I saw him kiss you,” Tommy said softly, staring at his lap.

“What? When? He gave me a peck on the cheek once, because he was grateful that I’d helped him with some bitch who was trying to blackmail him,” Adam frowns. Taylor hadn’t touched him around Tommy, he’d kissed him, hugged him, clung like a spider monkey just like he said he had, but they’d been alone.

“Well, I thought he was showing his gratitude for something else!” Tommy scowls at his own hands where there currently balled up in his lap.

“Well, he wasn’t. I don’t get how you even saw it. We were alone. He was really embarrassed at the time. He didn’t want the whole glamily knowing about his sex life.” Adam was beginning to get a very bad feeling.

“When I woke up, you were gone. There wasn’t a note or anything, so I went to find you and then I saw you together and I thought you’d gone straight from my bed to his and it pissed me off. Which is stupid, it’s not like I had any claim to you. We weren’t dating, you just wanted to sleep with me, attraction, and I’m your type. Options are limited on tour unless you want in the tabloids. I get it, but I just got jealous, and I’m sorry. I know I didn’t have any right to be. I promise, I wasn’t a dick to Taylor about it,” Tommy took a breath, finally coming to the end of a monologue that had been addressed entirely to his own hands.

“Shit, you saw him kiss me after we slept together? The morning after I took your virginity? God, no wonder you ignored me at breakfast. I should have talked to you, but I though you were freaking out about being with a man, and you’d promised you wouldn’t, so I got pissed and acted like a dick when I should have asked you what was wrong. Why in the hell did I let you ignore me again? I though I was past that, the fuck up the morning after we fooled around.” Adam couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid. If he hadn’t jumped to conclusions and decided Tommy was having some sort of gay crisis, things might have never got this bad. If only he had stopped and asked Tommy what was wrong, he could have explained that he wasn’t sleeping with Taylor. Adam couldn’t imagine how much it would hurt to sleep with a man for the first time, only to find him with another man the morning after. No wonder Tommy had hidden the hickeys and gotten drunk.

“So, you were just talking? I’m so stupid. I was embarrassed. I felt used and cheap, which is stupid. It’s not like you made any promise to stick around. Saying I can blow you in the morning isn’t saying you want to date me. And then I drank a lot and I just wanted for you to feel the way I did. Like you weren’t worth anything but sex. I wanted you to think I hated you, that I was using you too, but it didn’t work, it just made me feel like shit,” Tommy admitted to his lap, but still it was something. They were talking at least. Something that once again they were doing much too late.

“I wanted you to admit you liked it, liked men. I was mad because I though you’d changed your mind. That I had been just an experiment again, so instead of talking to you, I got in your face, got drunk and high, molested you on stage. Then, I lost my temper and I should have walked away, instead I took my frustration out on you and I guess you did the same, only you were angry because you though I used you, that I cheated.” Adam shook his head, they had both been fools, and they needed to learn to talk before they acted, or they would never stop fucking up.

“I get why you were mad. After we messed around here on the bus, you made it clear you wouldn’t be an experiment and I made you feel like you were. I didn’t have a right to be mad. I know it was just sex, you never said you wanted me, you were just attracted, I read too much into it.” Tommy looked around the room as if remembering what had happened there, he still wouldn’t look at Adam though.

“What are you saying? I don’t get it. We were both mad over things that weren’t true, so neither of us has more of a right to be angry. And you think I don’t like you?” Adam asked, completely confused as to how Tommy had got that idea.

“I know you’re attracted to me and that were friends. I shouldn’t have assumed that meant you had feelings for me, nonfriend type feelings,” Tommy sighed.

“What the hell! I’m in love with you, Tommy Joe. I told you that when we slept together. It wasn’t a fuck to me, it was making love,” Adam couldn’t believe Tommy thought it had been about physical attraction alone, he wouldn’t do that to a friend.

“No, you didn’t,” Tommy said softly, looking at him for the first time since they’d been alone in his room together.

“I didn’t what?” Adam frowned.

“You didn’t tell me you loved me,” Tommy said, reaching out hesitantly and taking his hand, warmth back in his brown eyes that had been missing for way too long. Adam held onto Tommy’s hand tightly.

“Oh, well I do. Does that change anything?” Adam asked, not wanting to get his hopes up only to have them crushed.

“It changes everything, Adam,” Tommy leant forwards, still holding his hand, and kissed him lightly on the lips. Adam raised his free hand, cradling the back of Tommy’s skull, encouraging him not to pull away so that Adam could respond with a sweet kiss of his own.

“I love you,” Adam spoke the words against Tommy’s lips, he wanted the other man to hear them, feel them, and know he was telling the truth.

“I love you, too,” Tommy said, his breath hitching as he spoke and Adam guessed that after the last few weeks, it was even harder for Tommy to get the words out than it was him. He couldn’t resist kissing Tommy deeply, he tried to pour love into the kiss instead of just passion, he wanted Tommy to know he meant this.

“We really need to learn how to fucking talk,” Tommy commented.

Adam couldn’t agree more, but he was too busy sucking on Tommy’s neck to verbalize his agreement, so Tommy would just have to take a lick to the delicate skin behind his neck as a yes. Adam knew things weren’t going to magically get better. They had a lot to talk about. They needed to fix all the hurt they had inflicted before they could move on. Not to mention, Tommy was in the closet, so a relationship wasn’t going to be easy. But Adam was going to fight to make it work now that he was on the right path with Tommy again.


	7. Coming Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part seven of the Are you nervous verse? There ready to try and be together, to put all the hurt and misunderstandings behind them. There is only one thing they haven't thought about. How do you start an honest relationship when one person's still in the closet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> This verse started out as a fill over at Glam kink and has now turned into a verse. As I’ve said before seen as this is fiction it doesn’t always follow real life time tables and I will be making stuff up to suit my purpose, mainly because in real life the people in this fic tend not to be naked all the time. This chapter might get a little sad and angsty but not for the same reasons as past chapters.

Tommy pov

He has never wanted to kick himself more than in the moments before Adam pulls him close and wraps him up tightly in his arms. He could of had this so much sooner if only he hadn't jumped to conclusions, but he forces himself not to focus on that as he has agreed with Adam that they will stop blaming themselves as well as each other. Its over time to move on, to work on being happy, together, he wants to show Adam he means this, wants this. He knows a part of Adam is scared that Tommy will dump him for a girl, not because of a lack of faith in him, but because he knows how hard it can be to be out, how easier it might be with a girl. Fuck easy though, he hasn't gone through all this to give Adam up for easy.

"I want to tell all the glamily about us," Tommy mumbles into Adam's chest, after their talk they had kicked off there shoes, got laid out on top of Adam's bed, and Adam had pulled him close to cuddle. They had been snuggling in silence until Tommy spoke.

"I'd like that, no hiding or sneaking around." Adam is grinning from ear to ear, it makes something in Tommy's chest flutter, tighten, but not in the horrible way it had when he had seen Taylor kiss Adam and had jumped to the worst conclusion.

"Can we do it in the morning? I know its soon, but I don't want to wait, we sort of both wasted time already." They were only just back together, but Tommy was determined things would work this time, hiding wasn't the best way for them to start dating.

"Of course baby, we can tell them at breakfast. Then, I don't have to worry about kissing you in front of them," Adam smirked, dipping his head down for a slow kiss, he sucked Tommy's bottom lip into his mouth, making him shudder. Kissing was one thing, they never go wrong no matter what type of kiss it was.

"Quite it, don't get me going now, I need to sleep, I haven't been doing that too much lately," Tommy admitted, hating the guilty look on Adam's face, so he kissed him lightly to try and make it go away.

"Umm, okay, sleep now, I'll behave." Adam didn't even ask if he wanted to go back to his bunk, but that might have something to do with the way Tommy was practically burrowing into him.

He hadn't slept as well as he did in Adam's arms in days, he hadn't slept this well even after their first time together, he'd been a little on edge, nervous about starting a relationship. It was different this time, he knew Adam's arms was exactly were he should be, despite all the shit, any reservations he'd had about this was gone. He loved Adam and Adam loved him; he was aware that that didn't automatically mean a relationship would work, but it was a damn good starting place as far as he was concerned.

He wakes up with Adam's morning wood poking him in the stomach and he can't help grinning like an idiot. An erection shouldn't make him feel so ridiculously giddy, but it does because it means he's with Adam, being held by Adam after spending the night with him. He wishes this was how the morning after there first time had gone, but he won't let that bring them down. They have a lot of other firsts to look forward to. Anyway, he doesn't even know why people put such emphasis on the first time a couple has sex, its often the worst in a relationship, awkward and embarrassing, so fuck first times and perfection, he has Adam and that's all that matters.

He tries to lie still and just breath with Adam, its relaxing and he's so damn comfortable. Sleeping with Adam means he is all toasty and warm and he doesn't ever want to move. His insomnia means he's never really been a morning person and despite feeling incredibly well rested, he'd happily kill anyone who tried to get him out of bed right now. Clearly doctors had it wrong, sleeping pills were not the way to go with insomnia, cuddling a hotty was.

"I know your awake, you don't breath like that when your asleep," Adam says sleepily, nuzzling at his hair.

"You know how my breathing sounds when I'm asleep? Creep," Tommy jokes.

"I'm a singer, I have good ears and I notice patterns in sounds," Adam insists.

"Okay, I believe you.....stalker," Tommy smirks.

Adam rolls them both over before Tommy has even registered the fact that they are moving. He ends up on his back, pinned to the mattress, Adam straddling him and keeping him pinned with his weight. Tommy squirms a little, not really even trying to get away, more enjoying being trapped by Adam and the friction it cause on his own morning wood, that he's been trying to ignore in favour of cuddling. Adam smirks down at him and Tommy knows the other man has noticed the state there both in.

"Play nice, kitty," Adam orders smugly, the effect ruined just a little by the incredibly loud growling noise that comes out of his stomach.

"Hungry?" Tommy asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Starved," Adam nods.

"Then lets go eat, you can gross Neil out by snuggling with me," Tommy grins.

"He's going to regret coming on this tour one of these days, poor thing. So, I can snuggle you, what else? Not sure snuggling is enough of a reason to let you go," Adam teases, grabbing his hands and pinning them to the bed, above his head by his wrists.

"You can kiss me till Monte tells us to get a room," Tommy suggests, he's pretty okay with staying pinned. Adam's playful dominance is doing all kinds of interesting things to his dick, all resulting in him being rock hard.

"Can I be disgustingly cute with you?" Adam asks.

"So cute, that no one else can eat breakfast," Tommy nods.

Adams stomach lets out another noise and groaning, he rolls off of Tommy. When they get out of bed, they both keep finding excuses to touch each other, neither of them tries that hard to make it look accidental, the connection they have, that was damaged to the point of almost being lost, is back full force and it's like they both want to feel it as much as possible.

He lets Adam take his hand as they walk out of the bedroom. once They've made use of the bathroom and made themselves look a little more human. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little nervous, but he isn't having second thoughts about coming out to the band. He wants Adam to know he wants to be with him, to see just how serious he is about them being together.

Everyone else is already up, crammed around the tables and he means everyone, the buses have stopped and everyone from both buses has gathered around the table to eat breakfast. Adam claims them some room next to Sutan on the bench seat; he gives them both a long look up and down and seems happy with whatever his inspection found, simply saying good morning before going back to whatever he had been talking about before they arrived.

Tommy quickly finds that eating one handed isn't as easy as he had thought it would be and he also doesn't care. He leans against Adam whenever he's not eating, curling into his side, enjoying being able to touch again. Adam puts an arm around him so that they can eat easier and nags Tommy to eat more. They've almost finished breakfast when Monte starts giving them weird looks. He nudges Isaac and tries to be subtle about pointing to them. Tommy pretends not to notice even as Adam places a soft kiss on the top of his head. Tommy feels like purring he's so content. He even lets Adam force some fruit and other healthy stuff on him, taking everything he's given. When some juice from what he thinks is a slice of some kind of melon dribbles down his chin, Adam leans in and licks the sticky juice away, making Tommy shudder in pleasure, before he places a feather light kiss against his lips. Tommy makes a small noise of complaint, that wasn't a proper kiss, it was a tease, a glimpse of what he should be getting. Adam smiles and his soft lips are back giving Tommy the kiss he should have got the first time instead of that brief press of lips. The kiss is all soft lips, moving slowly together, the skin of their lips dragging against each other, clinging, small swipes of tongue has the kiss tasting like the sweet fruit they have been eating and Tommy thinks he could grow to like the taste if its always given to him like this.

"Wow boys, you’re not on stage now," Brooke says suddenly, breaking the spell.

The kiss breaks, but Tommy doesn't back off completely, he faces his friends, but he cuddles into his boyfriend. His lips feel hot and puffy, a little sticky from the fruit somehow, he'd thought all trace of it had been licked away during the kiss, but then they had both been eating it, so its not a surprise that it lingers.

"Um, we don't normally get an early morning show," Monte points out.

Before Tommy can think of an answer or Adam can speak to his long time friend, Sutan bursts out into loud giggles and everyone turns to stare at the makeup artist.

"What? I just remembered something funny," Sutan shrugged.

"Really? That's the best you can come up with?" Adam asked.

"You don't need to cover, it’s not like were hiding it," Tommy added.

"Oh good boys, you'll have to give me all the details later," Sutan said brightly.

"Between the two of us, you always do get all the details," Tommy shrugged.

"Covering what? Details about what?" Terrance asked, frowning.

"Me and Adam," Tommy said simply.

"You and Adam what?" Sasha asked roughly, at the same time that a look of realisation appeared on Monte's face.

"Were together, as in dating," Adam said, sipping his juice like he wasn't dropping a bombshell.

"Oh God, I'm going to end up seeing them naked, I just know it," Neil whined, sounding pretty pitiful.

"Fan girls everywhere would be so jealous if you do," Isaac laughed.

Tommy listened to his band mates and the dancers banter, fan girls, pda, stage antics were all thrown out there, then, they argued about who had known all along, who had guessed they were more than friends. Sutan shut them up by pointing out that he had been in on things from the beginning, including to be the first to know Tommy was Bi. Adam got interrogated after that, the others wondering why he hadn't known about Tommy first, which made them both laugh.

"You don't come out to the guy you like, that'd be to easy, you tell someone else and wait for him to guess," Tommy smirked, putting his hand on Adams thigh and getting a warning look when it landed a little high, accidentally of course. Nobody noticed, the girls had all gone "Awwww" the moment Tommy had said he liked Adam and the guys were staring at the girls, surprised at how easily they had gone mushy over this.

All in all, Tommy thought coming out was going well; he had known it wouldn't be too bad, its not like anyone on the tour is homophobic, so he didn't have to worry there, but he's had plenty of people think he isn't good enough for Adam, that he should stick to girls, he had been a little worried that his friends, like a bunch of people out in the world, would have a problem with him being Bi and being with Adam. He's really glad they don't, everyone just seems to want to see them both happy, no matter who there with, like a lot of the fans, well, Neil is very vocal about not seeing them be happy with each other, but well he is Adam's brother and it is Neil, so the reaction could be worse, even when he threatens to tell their Mom before Adam gets a chance.

"Don't be a brat, Neil. Let Adam do it himself," Monte orders in that tone that people only seem to develop after they've had kids, its pretty damn effective, even on Neil.

"Can I tell my Mom?" Adam whispers to him quietly, they hadn't talk about telling people beyond the band and dancers, but Tommy knows how close Adam is to his Mom. Making him lie to her seems like trying to hide them too. Tommy and he are damn well not going to mess up again.

"Yeah, your Dad too, if you want. I'll tell my folks too, only that's gonna take a little more explaining," Tommy said, resting his head on Adam’s shoulder while everyone else talked loudly, covering there conversation. For Adam, telling his parents was basically just saying I have a new boyfriend, all though, they might have more questions than normal after all the effort Adam had put in telling people he was straight since the AMA's. Tommy had to explain that he liked men before he even got to the I have a boyfriend part.

"Are you sure?" Adam asks, cupping his jaw gently and Tommy knows that Adam gets how big a deal this is to him.

"I love them and I love you, I want them to know that, to see it. Your not my experiment, this isn't a phase, how will they ever believe that if it comes from someone else? I want to tell them I love you and then the world can find out whenever the fuck it finds out," Tommy says softly, he's a little surprised by the force of the kiss Adam gives him, hard and hungry and it has Tommy half hard before Adam's even touching him, arms wrapping around him, pulling him closer.

"Boys get a room," Sutan scolds them.

"Not before I have ear plugs," Neil yells.

"Wanna go make out in my room?" Adam asks.

Tommy just nods, not trusting himself to speak, he lets Adam take his hand and pull him to his feet, ignoring the cat calls and the whistles from the dancers and the childish giggling from the band. Isaac is even thumping on the table like its his drum until Monte taps him in the head. Tommy doesn't care, as long as it means he gets to be alone with Adam soon, its so worth it. He wonders if this will be the reaction every time they go somewhere alone, he thinks they'll get bored eventually, but he doesn't really care.

Adam leads him to the back of the bus, into his bedroom and shuts the door behind them. He has Tommy pressed up against the door and is pressing into him before Tommy can even blink.

"Fuck, I love you so much, your being so brave and I know your doing it for me," Adam says, voice rough with emotion before he goes back in for another kiss, leaving Tommy completely breathless and weak in the knee. If Adam wasn't plastered so tightly to his front, with the door firm at his back, Tommy would probably be on his ass by now.

"Tell me you don't have to leave for an interview or some promo bullshit?" Tommy gasped out between kisses, they didn't have a show until later than usual, so sound check and going to the venue was a long way off, but Adam's schedule was often different from the bands.

"No, nothing till the show tonight," Adam told him before dipping his head to suck a hickey into his collarbone.

"Thank fuck for that," Tommy moans, his hips grinding against the thigh Adam has wedged between his legs without any real thought, his hard on needs friction.

"I want you so badly, want you naked on my bed until we have to leave, I want to lick every single part of you, suck you. Damn, I need to feel you, Tommy Joe, wish we were in a hotel room, so I could fuck you," Adam said as he licked a path up Tommy's neck before biting his earlobe lightly; he was panting, body tense and Tommy could feel how hard he was, how much he wanted all the things he said was evident from the fucking huge hard cock pressing against him.

"Fuck, the hotel, fuck me here," Tommy moans, rubbing his whole body against Adam like he really is some damn cat.

"Everyone will hear us," Adam says, one hand fisting in his hair, the other sliding under his top, finding his nipple and tugging.

"I don't care, we'll be quiet," Tommy forces the words out as his breath hitches because Adam won't stop playing with his nipple and pressing kisses to any skin he finds.

"We won't be quiet and you know it," Adam all but growls before kissing any remaining breath he might of had left right out of him.

"They can leave, go enjoy there day off if it bothers them. You really gonna tell me no?" Tommy asks when the kiss breaks, pouting and fighting extra dirty by getting a hand between them and on Adam's dick.

"You little shit," Adam hisses at him as he cups his hand over the thick outline of his dick, feeling the heat and knowing he wants more of it, bare skin on skin, no cloths, just them.

"Yeah, well, your a tease, bringing me back here and then wanting to cut me off," Tommy smirks, rubbing at the head of Adams cock and feeling the material of his sleep pants dampen a little.

"I'll give you tease." Adam steps back so fast that Tommy almost stumbles without his support, before he's even sure he can stand straight, Adam's hands are on him, manhandling him out of his clothes and onto his bed. Adam's strong, but he's also being careful it doesn't hurt like when they channelled there anger into some twisted form of sex that had been more about point scoring and proving a point than it had been about pleasure. This is so different and Tommy never though he would get off so hard on a guy pinning him down, a fully clothed guy, while he's completely naked. He has never been more turned on in his life, when Adam moves down the bed, pins his hips and then takes his already leaking cock in his mouth, Tommy knows that there isn't a fucking chance he's going to be quiet.

"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, Adam," Tommy moans and he's pretty sure from the vibrations that Adam just giggled around his dick, but he doesn't care because the reason he can feel those vibrations so well is that his dick is in Adam’s damn throat. He's doing something awesome with his tongue as well that Tommy has to try and remember so that he can use it on Adam the next time their positions are reversed.

They don't leave Adam's room for the rest of the day. The band sends Sutan to get them when its time to head to the venue, none of them tell Neil that when Sutan came to get them, all they were doing is cuddling, its more fun to freak him out with comments like "How did you even get in that position." Followed by "Yoga." Neil hadn't looked his brother in the eye since that particular comment. Tommy notices he has a miss call from his Mom on the way to the venue and decides to call her back, maybe bring up being Bi, try and work it into the conversation. That never happens, he knows something's wrong the moment he hears his mothers voice. He hangs up and goes straight to Adam who hugs him briefly before getting Lane, getting her to get him a flight right away. Adam kisses him before he leaves and it’s the only thing that helps him keep it together.

Adam pov

The show isn't quiet the same without Tommy, the fans miss him, Adam misses him. He doesn't go into detail about why Tommy is gone, its private, but he doesn't ignore his absence either, it wouldn't be right. He wishes he could be with him, be there for him, but he has an obligation to his fans and Tommy had told him it was okay to stay.

Weeks later, Adam goes to pick Tommy up from the airport, putting off an interview to do so, he refuses to send a car service or even someone else from the band, not right now. He knows how fragile Tommy is from talking with him on the phone every night. Seeing him is still a shock, he's pale and the dark circles under his eyes tell Adam exactly how little he's been sleeping. Adam gathers Tommy up in his arms, feeling his boyfriend all but collapse against his chest, he wishes he could do more, wishes he could take the pain away, but he can't, so he settles for bringing him back to the hotel room they will be sharing, looking after him any way he can.

In the weeks that pass, Tommy is quiet, he doesn't talk about it with anyone and Adam doesn't push. He refuses to answer the prying questions about Tommy's loss that come up in most interviews. Its all he can do not to tear into the interviewers for being so insensitive. He wants to hug the fans for how great most of them are, they don't pry, they quietly supportive. Tommy is quiet even when they perform, he isn't as playful, doesn't get as lost in it as he did in the past. Adam stays close, even on stage, affectionate rather than sexual and no one complains as they might have in the past about being at a show were there was a hug instead of a kiss.

The pain is still there, but as time passes, Tommy becomes more himself again, head banging on stage, smiling at jokes. He stops locking himself in the bathroom to call his mother and sleeps more than a handful of hours a night. Adam still has to remind him to eat, he still makes sure he or someone else is always there for Tommy, but he gives him space as well, he knows Tommy knows he needs that. There in bed together one night on the bus when he starts talking.

"I wasn't going to tell my Mom about us, not after what happened, but I was having a nightmare one night, woke up calling for you, didn't realise she was in the room. She asked and I wasn't going to lie, I don't think it really sunk in, but she knows. I think she's glad that I have you to take care of me," Tommy tells him from where he is using Adam's chest as a pillow.

"She knows you don't always look after yourself," Adam hums softly, running his fingers through Tommy's long bangs.

"Yeah I guess, thanks for being so great by the way," Tommy sighs.

"Oh baby, that isn't something you ever have to thank me for. Making sure your alright means everything to me, you mean everything to me." Adam had told his parents about Tommy while he had been gone and they had both asked if it was serious, something in his tone giving it away before he'd really even said much.

"I love you, I wish I'd got to tell him that. I hope he could have been happy about it, I don't like thinking he wouldn't have," Tommy admits softly, his voice laced with pain.

"He loved you, he would be happy that your with someone who you love and who loves you." Adam is sure of it. Tommy was mainly close to his parents, maybe not as close as Adam is to his, but the Ratliff's love each other, anyone can see that and Adam believes that Tommy's dad could never hate him over anything.

Tommy moves up the bed until they are face to face, he kisses Adam softly, but with intent, they've made out a lot since Tommy came back, but there clothes have stayed on, so its a little surprising when Tommy starts stripping them both gently. Adam doesn't ask if Tommy is sure, his grief isn't as raw as it was, it isn't clouding his judgement anymore, so it would be insulting to ask. Sex can be about comfort without it being a mistake, especially when its between two people who love each other.

Tommy preps himself and it drives Adam crazy, he wants to touch, wants to take care of Tommy any way he can, but the blonde is setting the pace tonight, so Adam doesn't argue. He almost swallows his tongue when instead of moving to his back, Tommy climes on top of Adam. They haven't done it this way before, there have been different positions, the sex always far from boring, the day on the bus they had tried many things, but Tommy's never been on top like this. He works himself down onto Adam's cock slowly, shifting to try and get the right angle. Adam gives up all control, he doesn't thrust up, grab Tommy's hips, he doesn't try to speed Tommy up in any way. He kisses him when his mouth is within reach, strokes his cock as he rides Adam slowly, he whispers soft words about how good it feels, how good Tommy makes him feel, lets every sappy thing he has ever though about the other man pour out. I love you becomes a punctuation mark, the full stop at his every sentence. When Tommy seems to get tired, muscles straining, Adam takes over a little, moving his own hips more, aiming for Tommy's prostate with every stroke. He keeps his hands gentle on his lover’s skin, cupping his hip to help him match the rhythm Adam sets instead of griping it the way he might another time. They are in love, but they have sex, they fuck and its about passion and pleasure. This is making love and it’s all about showing that they love each other with their bodies and movements instead of with words.

When he feels like Tommy is getting close, he speeds up his hand on Tommy's dick and thrusts a little harder, Tommy is beautiful when he cum's and watching his orgasm is enough to trigger his own. Tommy slumps down onto his chest and he's light enough for it not to be an issue. Tommy pulls up off his dick, but doesn't get off of him, doesn't move to go clean up. He hides his face against Adam's neck, kissing the skin softly. Adam wraps his arms around Tommy, holding him close. He never wants to lose the blonde, cannot imagine loving in a world without him.

"I love you," Tommy whispers it into his ear like its a secret and Adam acts like it is, acts like Tommy isn't saying it quietly to hide the emotion in his voice, he pretends not to feel tears wet against his skin. He just lets his lover mourn and hopes his love can help him heal.

"I love you too, Tommy Joe, always," Adam promises, holding the blonde close; he feels so tiny, fragile even though Adam has kept him fed well enough that he's not lost any weight. He still feels like he could break, and so Adam plans to hold him together for as long as it takes for the cracks to heal, even if it takes forever. Tommy's armour is broken right now and needs time to repair, there isn't a quick fix, so until it is mended, Adam will be Tommy's armour, he'll keep Tommy safe from everything he can, he knows he can't put Tommy back together again, time will heal what's fixable, but until then Adam will hold the pieces together because that 's what you do for the person you love more than anything.


	8. Breaking Twitter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part eight of the Are you nervous verse? Tommy is slowly recovering from his loss, Adam has been great about everything, things are pretty perfect. Apart from the fact that their still hiding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.   
> This verse started out as a fill over at Glam kink and has now turned into a verse. The last two parts can be found at my journal. As I’ve said before seen as this is fiction it doesn’t always follow real life time tables and I will be making stuff up to suit my purpose, mainly because in real life the people in this fic tend not to be naked all the time. Part 8/8

Tommy pov

It takes him months after he lets go with Adam for the first time for Tommy to feel like himself.   
Losing his Dad still hurts, he doesn't think it will ever stop hurting, but its less of a raw wound now, he's healing. Adam has helped a lot with that, listening when he needs to talk, not getting pissed if he snaps or needs to be alone. Adam cuddles him closer on the nights when he can't sleep and doesn't complain when he does sleep and the nightmares come. To use an over used saying, Adam is his rock and with out him Tommy doesn't think he would have dealt this well. He would have repressed the pain until he blew, which could have been messy.

The tour goes on, they play on stage and Adam does so many wonderful things for him, including Enter Sandman for his birthday. Playing that song? Hearing Adam sing it? Blows his mind, the kiss during it is far more real than anything they've had on stage before and Tommy comes to the realisation then, while they are kissing long and sweet in front of everyone, that he wants to always be able to kiss Adam in public. He wants to come out to everyone, to let every fan and anyone else who cares know that he is with Adam.

He plans to tell Adam straight after the show, but half way threw thanking him for the amazing gift Tommy gets distracted and kisses Adam. The band, the dancers, their all used to this, if the backstage crew care their hiding it well. Tommy wraps his arms around Adam's neck, trying to get closer, not caring that their both still sweaty from the show. He knows he should stop licking his way in to Adam's mouth and go sign. Once they've seen the fan's they can go back to the hotel, have a shower and then he can get Adam naked and get all up on him. The logic is their, but he doesn't follow it, choosing to nip at Adam's pouty lower lip instead. Rational is boring and he doesn't want to wait, if he thought he could get away with it he would drop to his knee's right now and suck Adam's brain out of his cock, as a proper thank you. But laws aside Neil, Lane, Monte and possibly Brooke would kill him, spoil sports.

"Get a room." Isaac yelled wondering past.

"I like that idea, lets go to our room." Tommy said dragging his lips down Adam's neck. They always shared a room now on hotel nights and they shared Adam's room on the bus.

"The fans." Adam pouted, Adam loved his fans, he gave so much of himself to them and loved doing it, but right now it was clear that he'd rather get Tommy alone. He was going to have to try and will down his very noticeable hard on before they went anywhere, but Tommy wasn't inclined to help with that.

"Its my birthday." Tommy points out, like that's even an answer, though it seems to work. Adam drags him along with him and tells Lane he'll sign for less than ten minuets.

Eleven minuets latter their in a car on the way to the hotel, Tommy is in Adam's lap and he's once again being poked in the hip by Adam's ridiculously big, beautiful dick. Tommy wants Adam in him and he's not exactly keen on waiting. He's happy, his day with the Glamily has been amazing, he got to perform one of his favourite songs, by one of his favourite bans with the people he likes the best in the world(Not including his Mom but he can't picture her head banging anyway) Its his birthday and he has an amazingly sexy boyfriend who gave him a perfect gift, sure stuff could be nice, awesome even, but he loved music. Giving him a song was pretty much an inspired gift idea, it means more to Tommy than he can put into words. He hopes how much it means to him some how comes across in his desperate hands on Adam's skin.

He wants closer, he wants naked and he wants more. Adam says they need privacy for all of those things and apparently a car with a driver and some of their closet friends doesn't count as private, Tommy doesn't pout, much. When the car stops out side the hotel Tommy jumps out of Adam's lap careful not to knee anything he's planning on using latter. He drags Adam out after him, pulling the dark haired singer closer, getting in his face and kissing him. he thinks Adam might protest so he drops one hand down to Adam's groin and rubs over the hardness he easily finds. Adam moans in to the kiss and grabs his hand. Tommy thinks he's being stopped but Adam just uses his grip to start dragging him into the hotel, all but running threw the lobby so that they can get to their room as fast as possible.

He's naked seconds after the door shuts and Adam is almost as quick, he's looking at Tommy with lust glazed eyes which can me only one thing, it is going to be one hell of a night. Adam actually picks him up and carries him to the bedroom, which should not be as nearly as hot to him as it is. Tommy never got off on being dominated before, but he loves that Adam is big enough to pick him up if he wants and pin him down, he likes being pinned even more. Having his hips pinned to the bed while Adam blows him? One of the best birthday memories ever. Adam's hands are huge on his hips and easily stop him from bucking up, so Tommy doesn't have to work at being a gentlemen, he doesn't fight for control, Adam makes him crazy doing all the work, taking Tommy in to his throat.

He's begging for more so fast he would be embarrassed if he were with anyone but Adam. Instead he's shameless in begging Adam for his cock, to cum, for all the things he feels like he needs or his skin will explode leaving him as nothing more than goo on the floor. Adam gets the lube and starts working him open, he's teasingly slow, but Tommy holds off on begging him to go faster, he knows it won't work, ever since the time he got hurt Adam has been overly careful with prep, but its all good, he ends up relaxed and easily able to take Adam who is far from fucking small. Adam takes his sweet time but it is so worth it when he thrusts in, one push forward of his hips and Tommy is full, begging for more faster, now. Adam takes the lead and he drives him crazy, every touch brining pleasure, till Tommy is strung out, sweating and ready to fall apart. He knows he can with Adam, that the other man will hold him together. His orgasm has him screaming Adam's name and he feels his lover jerk coming to.

They clean up and then cuddle up. Naked under the covers Adam lets him use his chest as a pillow. Adam pets his hair, kisses him gently. Tommy feels like his whole body is humming with after shocks, he's so content. Adam kisses him deeply, wishes him happy birthday, he whispers things in Tommy's ear, the stuff they save for when there alone. All there friends know that they are having sex, no one apart from maybe Sultan realises how in love they are. Tommy never goes a day with out telling Adam he loves him, he wants to make sure he knows, Tommy has seen how quickly you can lose someone and has a new respect for those who make sure there loved ones know they are loved. He doesn't want Adam to ever doubt that Tommy loves him again.

Adam pov

He's in bed, curled around the man he loves so the last thing he wants to see is his brothers phone number come up on his cell. He answers only because he knows Neil will never leave him alone until he does, the stubborn little shit. Adam puts his phone to his ear, making sure he doesn't move to much, Tommy is awake but using him al a pillow and the blonde doesn't ever like to be moved once he's comfortable. Adam pets his hair absently, he love's how soft it is despite all the dye.

"Hello Neil, what couldn't wait half an hour till breakfast?" Adam asked in his best annoying bib brother tone.

"You broke Twitter." Neil accused.

"With my amazing hacker abilities? What the fuck are you on about?" Adam frowned, maybe Neil was stonned.

"Not like that dipshit, you and Tommy and the band got so many massages that it brought the site down." Neil explained.

"So they loved or hated the show? the fans at the venue seemed to love it." Adam shrugged.

"Moron there not asking about the show. People saw you and Tommy outside of the hotel. They took pictures." Neil groaned and Adam thought that Neil had probably seen the pictures and been traumatised.

"I need to talk to Tommy I'll call you back." Adam hung up before Neil could respond and drooped his phone on the bed.

"Talk to me about what?" Tommy asked.

"People took pictures of us, when we were all over each other outside the hotel, their on Twitter. Its outed you." Everyone knew Adam was gay, it wasn't a big deal for pictures of him kissing a boyfriend to hit the internet, it had bothered him the first time, but he was okay with it now. Tommy was straight as far as the world knew.

"Adam I wouldn't have kissed you in public if I cared about people knowing." Tommy said softly looking up at him with those gorgeous brown eyes.

"Your okay with the world knowing about us?" Adam asked.

"I love you, I don't care who knows that." Tommy shrugged.

"I love you too." Adam pulled Tommy in for a long slow kiss.

"Besides the fangirls always thought we were fucking." Tommy says with a grin.

Adam's laugh splutters out of him, God moths ago Tommy would have never made that joke.   
They've come so far, from Adam thinking Tommy was straight, to making each other miserable, to loving each other enough that they both knew press, fans, what ever, it didn't matter who knew about them. They were strong enough to make it, they'd already fought for their love. That didn't mean smooth sailing was guaranteed but fuck it Adam kind of liked storms, as long as he had Tommy with him he could take on anything.

The End. For now.


End file.
